If you're a Christian guy looking to find a godly wife, you know it can be hard to start a conversation with a girl. But we at The Babylon Bee have much rizz, we are reliably told. Here is a pickup line to use for a girl of each Christian denomination:

• Baptist: "Wanna see how many chairs I can carry?" [Then carry a lot of chairs]

• Pentecostal: "Hoo-baba kanda wally wanda beeeeeeee"

• Orthodox: "Nice beard."

• Presbyterian: "You're so cute, it's almost enough to make me express emotion. Almost."

• Non-Denominational: "Girl, I just want to, just, get to know you more, and just, really feel your presence in this place and girl, I just ask, girl, that you just, that you just go out with me this Saturday night. Amen."

• Catholic: "Go out with me. I'm speaking ex cathedra, so you have to."

• Anglican: Same pickup line as the Catholics but say it in an English accent.

• Amish: "I talked to your dad. We're getting married this Saturday."

• Lutheran: No pickup line needed — nail 95 reasons she should go out with you to her door.

• Churches of Christ: "I think you and I could make some great melodies together - a capella, of course."

• Methodist: [Does anyone know anything about Methodists? Let's do some research and be sure to fill this joke in before publishing.]

• Evangelical Megachurch: "I'd be honored if you'd go on a date with me at the one of our church campus's 14 convenient coffee shops."

• Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church: "Hey there, I'm naming and claiming your heart. You're my best girl now."

• Episcopalian: Oh no! That's not a girl - run!

There you go — a complete stock of godly one-liners for that special someone you've had your eye on. No need to thank us.

Travis continues his quest to interview everyone with beef's worst nightmare: Mikhaila Peterson