SATIRE – Deadpool Makes Surprise Cameo Appearance In ‘The Chosen’ Season 3
The Babylon Bee - Nov 30th 2022 3:07pm ESTHURRICANE, UT — In a stunning announcement, Disney has revealed “The Chosen” will be incorporated into the Marvel Multiverse following a cameo appearance by Deadpool in the show’s upcoming third season.
SATIRE – Bob Iger Vows To Cut Back To Only 7 LGBT Characters In Every Kid’s Movie
The Babylon Bee - Nov 30th 2022 1:16pm ESTBURBANK, CA — As part of a new pledge to “quiet down” the company’s aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each children’s movie.
SATIRE – Man Slips Into Deep Depression After Finishing Last Of Thanksgiving Leftovers
The Babylon Bee - Nov 30th 2022 11:41am ESTNORRISTOWN, PA — Chad Pullman, 39, slipped into a deep depression Monday after finishing off the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Doctors say he has been unable to leave his bedroom for two days.
SATIRE – Ben Shapiro Escalates Kanye Feud With Release Of Epic Diss Track
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 7:30pm ESTBOCA RATON, FL — Over the past few weeks, Ben Shapiro has created video responses to Kanye “Ye” West’s anti-semitic statements, causing West to direct tweets at the conservative commentator. Shapiro further escalated the situation this week by releasing an epic diss track that industry analysts say spells the end of “Ye’s” career. Powered by […]
SATIRE – 10 Health Benefits Of Social Media
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 7:22pm ESTSocial media gets a bad rap these days, but did you know there are tremendous health benefits to scrolling endlessly on social media and interacting with hostile strangers for hours on end?
SATIRE – New Elf On The Shelf Will Scan Your Social Media Account To See If You Misgendered Anyone
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 5:28pm ESTNORTH POLE – A spokesman for Santa’s Workshop today announced the organization’s latest advance in their ongoing efforts to determine who’s naughty and who’s nice: an Elf on the Shelf with the ability to hack into and review social media accounts for examples of misgendering and other hate speech.
SATIRE – Tim Cook Says He’s Ready To Pull Twitter From App Store Once President Xi Gives The Order
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 4:42pm ESTCUPERTINO, CA — Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he’s prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he’s waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.
SATIRE – Senate To Vote On ‘Respect For Giant Golden Statue Of Nebuchadnezzar’ Act
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 3:27pm ESTWASHINGTON, D.C — Congress is set to come together and vote on the Respect For Giant Golden Statue Of Nebuchadnezzar Act, or the RFGGSON Act for short. Proponents of the said act claim that requiring nationwide respect for the golden image of the great King Nebuchadnezzar is as necessary as it is powerful and brave. […]
SATIRE – Celebrities Cut Ties With Balenciaga After MyPillow Spotted In Photo Shoot
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 2:25pm ESTNEW YORK, NY — Balenciaga is facing a wave of online criticism after a MyPillow pillow was spotted in the background of one of the company’s photo shoots for its winter collection. The CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell is known for his strong support of Donald Trump.
SATIRE – Anti-Science Right-Wingers Protest Common Sense COVID Restrictions
The Babylon Bee - Nov 29th 2022 12:37pm ESTSHANGHAI — According to sources, thousands of right-wing, anti-science extremists have converged in Shanghai to protest Chinese President Xi’s common sense COVID restrictions.
SATIRE – 7 Things We At The Babylon Bee Are Thankful For This Year
The Babylon Bee - Nov 28th 2022 7:25pm ESTWhat a year 2022 has been! We have so much to be thankful for at the Bee. The world may be a roiling cauldron of hellish insanity sliding into oblivion, but it’s a funny roiling cauldron of hellish insanity sliding into oblivion! What a ride!
SATIRE – Progressive Family Adds New Planned Parenthood Location To Christmas Village Display
The Babylon Bee - Nov 28th 2022 5:16pm ESTWESTON, MA — In a powerful statement on women’s reproductive rights, a local family has added a Planned Parenthood location to their elaborate Christmas village display.
SATIRE – Man Hits Fitness Goal Of Only Gaining 9 Pounds Over Thanksgiving Weekend
The Babylon Bee - Nov 28th 2022 3:51pm ESTANNAPOLIS, MD — A local man is celebrating after his bathroom scale confirmed he had met his ambitious fitness goal of gaining only 9 pounds over the Thanksgiving weekend.
SATIRE – ‘He’s Got a Gun!’ Bystander Arrested for Misgendering Non-Binary Shooter
The Babylon Bee - Nov 28th 2022 2:55pm ESTBERKELEY, CA – Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary. The arrest came after Patterson yelled ‘he’s got a gun!’ as he dove for cover under a hail of bullets.
SATIRE – China Taps Governor Gretchen Whitmer To Lead Lockdown Enforcement
The Babylon Bee - Nov 28th 2022 2:18pm ESTBEIJING — This week, dozens of Chinese citizens died after the Chinese Communist Party welded their apartment doors shut and a fire broke out in the building, sparking protests. China has doubled down on its “Zero COVID” policy, however, and has tapped Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer to lead its COVID lockdown enforcement measures. Powered by […]
SATIRE – 10 Ways To Make Soccer Watchable
The Babylon Bee - Nov 27th 2022 2:45pm ESTEveryone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
SATIRE – Tied England-U.S. Match To Be Decided By Whichever Country Last Beat The Other In A War
The Babylon Bee - Nov 26th 2022 5:55pm ESTQATAR — The United States’ soccer match against England ended in a tie, handing the U.S. team victory as the country which last beat the other in a war wins the tiebreaker.
SATIRE – In Huge Black Friday Sale, Store To Sell Everything For Price It Was Before Biden Became President
The Babylon Bee - Nov 25th 2022 1:55pm ESTRALEIGH, NC — A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
SATIRE – Scholars Now Believe Esau Sold His Birthright For A Marshmallow & Jell-O Salad
The Babylon Bee - Nov 25th 2022 1:29pm ESTBEER-LAHAI-ROI — Biblical scholars have come to a unanimous conclusion that the food for which Esau sold his birthright was actually a marshmallow & Jell-O salad.
SATIRE – Journalists Rush To Scene Of Shooting To Determine Whether It’s Politically Useful
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 5:53pm ESTLOS ANGELES, CA — Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.
SATIRE – Karine Jean-Pierre Insists It’s Not Her Job To Answer Questions Like Some Sort Of Press Secretary
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 5:02pm ESTBrought to you by: The Babylon Bee LIVE
SATIRE – Nation Fondly Remembers Time When They Could Still Toy With Idea Of Being Libertarians
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 3:27pm ESTCOLUMBIA, S.C. – According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of “drag queen story hour.”
SATIRE – Kind, Gentle Father Turns Into Merciless Bully During Family Game Of Mario Kart
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 3:15pm ESTMURRIETA, CA — According to sources, a kindly middle-aged father began bullying his family during a casual game of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe this week. Police were called to the scene after a neighbor became distressed over the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the family’s home.
SATIRE – 10 Ways To OWN Your Conservative Relatives At Thanksgiving This Year
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 2:16pm ESTYour family may say they want you over for Thanksgiving because they love you, but it’s obviously a trap. They’re going to ambush you with alternative facts that make Biden look bad. Get the drop on your dumb conservative uncle by coming to the table armed with facts and your truth that will absolutely destroy […]
SATIRE – Elon Musk Lists ‘Slightly Used’ Social Network On Craigslist For $5 OBO
The Babylon Bee - Nov 23rd 2022 2:00pm ESTSAN FRANCISCO, CA — This week, a listing appeared on the classified advertising website Craigslist offering to sell a “Slightly Used” social network for “$5 OBO.” The listing included a picture of Twitter’s HQ in San Francisco.