New Starfleet Vessel Unable To Reach Warp Speed Because Crew Is Too Fat (Satire)

Jan 15th 2026 5:29pm EST

SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER — The exploration of other strange, new worlds and the seeking out of new life and new civilizations hit an unexpected snag this week, as Starfleet’s newest vessel was reportedly unable to reach warp speed because the crew was too fat.

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