SIOUX FALLS, SD — Local man Tom Goodwin completely embarrassed himself at church this morning after being forced to resort to his Bible tabs to locate the book of Habakkuk.
CANA — After hearing wine was back on the menu, local bridesmaid Abigail approached Jesus and asked if He could turn the water into something a little fruity, but not too sweet.
ST. LOUIS, MO — After hearing another cry to the Almighty over a broken McDonald’s ice cream machine, the Lord sent an angel to reassure believers that in Christ’s Kingdom the machines will at least work the majority of the time.
BABYLON BEE HEADQUARTERS — We here at the Babylon Bee have been deeply saddened over the past days to see such mean-spirited criticism of our favorite institution of American government, the dearly beloved Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Women are such unbelievably mysterious creatures, trying to figure out when one is mad at you can be, well, maddening! To help, we at the Babylon Bee have collected these very subtle clues to help men know when trouble is afoot.
BOSTON, MA — In light of so-called “gender affirming care” making the Hippocratic Oath silly and outdated, Harvard Medical School has officially adopted the new oath “Mutilate Kids For Money.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The newly released search warrant of Mar-a-Lago claims that Trump had recently aquired all six infinity stones and was keeping them on a fully assembled infinity gauntlet in his closet.
NEW YORK, NY — After 20 years at CNN, Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin has decided to part ways with the news organization to expose himself to new audiences.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez disputed claims of Republicans who claim the U.S. has devolved into a banana republic following the raid on former President Trump’s Florida residence, saying that America is more like a Forever 21.
WORLD — Scholars have finally confirmed that it’s not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.
SIOUX FALLS, SD — Local man Tom Goodwin completely embarrassed himself at church this morning after being forced to resort to his Bible tabs to locate the book of Habakkuk. 
