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News From The Babylon Bee

  • SATIRE – Scholars Now Believe Pharaoh Had His Head Baker Hanged For Putting Walnuts In Brownies

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 29th 2023 11:07am EST (Archive)

    EGYPT — Scholars have uncovered new evidence showing that Pharaoh’s infamous hanging of his chief baker was a result of discovering walnuts in his brownies.

  • SATIRE – Church Installs Trap Doors To Get Praise Band Off Stage More Efficiently

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 29th 2023 10:33am EST (Archive)

    CHARLESTON, WV — In order to make the transition from singing to preaching more seamless, Grace Community Church has installed a trap door that the praise band will fall through as soon as they finish their worship set.

  • SATIRE – Woman In Express Checkout Lane Only Has 2,387 Items Over Limit

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 4:07pm EST (Archive)

    BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local woman Jane Adams narrowly exceeded the item limit at the grocery’s express checkout line today by a mere 2,387 items.

  • SATIRE – Ford Releases New Safety Feature Where Car Shuts Off If A Woman Gets In Driver’s Seat

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 2:11pm EST (Archive)

    DEARBORN, MI — Ford Motor Company is set to debut an innovative safety feature for all new models, where the vehicle will instantly shut off if a woman is detected in the driver’s seat.

  • SATIRE – Local Church Turns To Robo-Greeters To Combat Volunteer Shortage

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 1:47pm EST

    PEORIA, IL — Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.

  • SATIRE – God Regrets Writing ‘Sing To The Lord A New Song’ After Hearing The New Songs Christians Are Singing

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 1:47pm EST

    WORLD — Worship leaders worldwide were left stunned today after word began to spread that the Lord now regrets including the command “Sing unto the Lord a new song” in His Word after hearing the new songs Christians are currently singing.

  • SATIRE – Introducing The Babylon Bee AOC Article Generator

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 1:47pm EST (Archive)

    Our writers spend way too much time writing jokes about how dumb AOC is. So, we are using A.I. to free them up for more important things.

  • SATIRE – AOC Accuses This ChatGPT Fellow Of Wanting To Date Her

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 12:45pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — After getting into yet another public spat with ChatGPT, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accused the program of wanting to date her.

  • SATIRE – AOC Accuses This ChatGPT Fellow Of Wanting To Date Her

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 28th 2023 12:45pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — After getting into yet another public spat with ChatGPT, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accused the program of wanting to date her.

  • SATIRE – Local Church Turns To Robo-Greeters To Combat Volunteer Shortage

    The Babylon Bee - Jan 27th 2023 7:30pm EST (Archive)

    PEORIA, IL — Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.

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