Local Teen Pretty Sure Holy Spirit Leading Him To Go Talk To That Cute Girl Over There (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 5:34pm EDTHOUSTON, TX — Upon seeing a cute new girl at school this morning, local teenager Jeremy Camden felt pretty sure the Holy Spirit was leading him to go talk to her and maybe invite her to hang out on Friday.
10 Differences Between Kamala Harris And Joe Biden (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 5:05pm EDTPoor Kamala has struggled during interviews to think of any differences between herself and President Biden, so the Babylon Bee has graciously decided to help her out! Here is a helpful list of the ten clear, distinct differences between Kamala Harris and Joe Biden:
10 Differences Between Kamala Harris And Joe Biden (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 5:05pm EDTPoor Kamala has struggled during interviews to think of any differences between herself and President Biden, so the Babylon Bee has graciously decided to help her out! Here is a helpful list of the ten clear, distinct differences between Kamala Harris and Joe Biden:
10 Differences Between Kamala Harris And Joe Biden (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 5:05pm EDTPoor Kamala has struggled during interviews to think of any differences between herself and President Biden, so the Babylon Bee has graciously decided to help her out! Here is a helpful list of the ten clear, distinct differences between Kamala Harris and Joe Biden:
9 Names For The Hurricane That Would Be Way Cooler Than ‘Milton’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 3:19pm EDTWith a potentially catastrophic storm hurtling through the Gulf, Floridians have been asking one question: was “Milton” really the best they could come up with? Here are 9 alternatives that would have been way, way cooler:
Tragic: Waffle House Closures Force Thousands Of Crackheads To Go Fight Out In The Streets (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 1:58pm EDTTAMPA, FL — As yet another tragic side-effect of the impending destruction expected to be caused by Hurricane Milton when it makes landfall, experts predicted the wave of Waffle House closures would force crackheads to go fight out in the streets.
Millions Of Gay People Die Of Hunger As One Bakery In Colorado No Longer Forced To Bake Them Wedding Cakes (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 1:56pm EDTU.S. — Millions of homosexuals have reportedly starved to death after Colorado’s Supreme Court affirmed the right of Jack Phillips to refuse to bake gay wedding cakes.
Despite Loss, First Female NHL Coach Says She Was Happy To See Her Team Score So Many Touchdowns (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 12:39pm EDTSEATTLE, WA — A historic milestone was reached in the sport of hockey last night, and despite losing the first game of the season, the first female NHL coach said she was happy to see her team score so many touchdowns.
CBS Reveals They Interviewed Kamala For 721 Hours In Order To Compile ’60 Minutes’ Of Usable Footage (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 12:01pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Following allegations of showing different clips of Kamala answering the same question, CBS News defended themselves by revealing they interviewed Kamala Harris for 721 hours in order to compile 60 minutes of usable footage.
CBS Reveals They Interviewed Kamala For 721 Hours In Order To Compile ’60 Minutes’ Of Usable Footage (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 12:01pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Following allegations of showing different clips of Kamala answering the same question, CBS News defended themselves by revealing they interviewed Kamala Harris for 721 hours in order to compile 60 minutes of usable footage.
Genius: Kamala Announces Plan To Tell Hurricane Milton ‘Don’t’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2024 11:58am EDTWASHINGTON, DC — Kamala revealed a new strategy to combat the devastation of Hurricane Milton by simply saying “Don’t” to the massive storm system with 150mph winds.
10 Fun Places To Hide Your Gold (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 5:43pm EDTAs any dragon, leprechaun, and eccentric jewelry collector will tell you, it can be difficult to find a good place to hide your gold. Some poor saps put it in a safe deposit box or a vault, not realizing that any two-bit gold thief will look in those places first.
‘I Just Don’t Have Time To Memorize Scripture,’ Says Guy Who Knows Entire 1986 New York Mets Roster (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 5:25pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Local man Bradley Hart caught some awkward stares from members of his church small group earlier this week after the 38-year-old claimed that he “just doesn’t have time to memorize Scripture,” despite the fact that he had evidently committed the entire 1986 New York Mets roster to memory.
Dad Really Phoning In Last 48 Pages Of Dr. Seuss Book (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 5:04pm EDTTULSA, OK — Local dad Tim Gardner admitted to sort of phoning in the last 50 or so pages of a Dr. Seuss book last night.
Dad Really Phoning In Last 48 Pages Of Dr. Seuss Book (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 5:04pm EDTTULSA, OK — Local dad Tim Gardner admitted to sort of phoning in the last 50 or so pages of a Dr. Seuss book last night.
Dad Really Phoning In Last 48 Pages Of Dr. Seuss Book (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 5:04pm EDTTULSA, OK — Local dad Tim Gardner admitted to sort of phoning in the last 50 or so pages of a Dr. Seuss book last night.
Polygraph Machine Explodes After Tim Walz Passes Nearby (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 4:29pm EDTSEATTLE, WA — Tragedy struck the city of Seattle today as Minnesota Governor Tim Walz quickly walked by a polygraph machine near a campaign event and caused it to explode.
Local Man Slips Into Deep Depression After Running Out Of Things To Pressure Wash (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 3:49pm EDTGARY, IN — Sources close to local man Caleb Norbert reported that the 43-year-old husband and father had tragically slipped into a deep depression after realizing he had run out of things to pressure-wash.
FEMA Warns They Don’t Have The Resources To Block Humanitarian Aid For Next Hurricane (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 1:48pm EDTTAMPA, FL — FEMA announced this week they don’t have enough resources to block any outside humanitarian aid coming into Florida and surrounding states ahead of Hurricane Milton.
Oh Crap: Kamala Just Learned The Word ‘Indubitably’ Right Before A Huge Interview (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 1:02pm EDTU.S. — In a potentially disastrous turn of events, campaign staffers close to Kamala Harris confirmed that the vice president had learned the word “indubitably,” just in time for her upcoming interviews with The View, Howard Stern, and Stephen Colbert.
‘I Tried To Warn You!’ Cries MTG As Hurricane Forms In The Shape Of The Star Of David (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2024 12:31pm EDTU.S. — As weather reports came in about Hurricane Milton taking the shape of the Star of David just before making landfall with the eastern coast of Florida, Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene was heard telling anyone who would listen she had warned them about this.
Conclusive Evidence Discovered Of Jew Controlling Weather (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2024 6:28pm EDTGALILEE — With controversy erupting over allegations that weather patterns and catastrophic storms are somehow generated and controlled from behind the scenes by a specific people group, conclusive evidence came to light of a Jew controlling the weather.
Howard Stern Under Fire For Exploiting Mentally Challenged Guest For Cheap Laughs (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2024 4:45pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Always a lightning rod for controversy, longtime radio “shock jock” Howard Stern came under fire this week for allegedly exploiting yet another mentally challenged guest for cheap laughs.
Democrats Cruelly Make Fun Of Autistic African-American Jumping For Joy (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2024 4:15pm EDTBUTLER, PA — Prominent Democrats recently came under fire for cruel insensitivity after they callously mocked an autistic African American jumping up and down for joy at a recent political rally.
10 Clever Ways To Smuggle Humanitarian Supplies Past FEMA (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2024 4:06pm EDTWith thousands of people still missing and countless more in desperate need of food, water, and assistance, you may be looking for ways to get help to victims of Hurricane Helene. But WAIT! First, you must sneak that aid past the ever-watchful eyes of FEMA so they don’t confiscate it.