10 Famous Liberals Explain Why They Oppose Free Speech (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 2:01pm EDTWhile free speech boasts supporters such as Elon Musk and the Constitution, there are many Americans today who strongly disagree! The Babylon Bee asked ten famous liberals why they oppose free speech, and here is what they said:
‘Trump Will Receive A Fair And Impartial Trial,’ Says Judge As Construction Crew Builds Gallows Outside Courtroom (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 1:31pm EDTNEW YORK — Judge Juan Manuel Merchan was reassuring the public that former President Trump would receive a fair trial when he was interrupted by the sound of construction crews assembling giant gallows outside the courthouse.
Columbia Switches To Online Classes So Jewish Students Can Participate From The Attics Where They Are Hiding (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 12:42pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — In the wake of ongoing anti-Israel protests that have engulfed the school’s campus, Columbia University announced it has switched to online classes so Jewish students can participate from the attics where they are hiding.
Hillsdale College Reports No Violent Antisemitic Protests For 180th Year In A Row (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 12:29pm EDTBrought to you by: Hillsdale College
10 Surefire Ways For Republicans To Win The Female Vote (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 4:48pm EDTWith the November presidential election looming, Republicans are sadly struggling to win over female voters.
Columbia Protestors Clarify They Only Want Death To America After America Is Done Paying Their Student Loans (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 4:17pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — As pro-Palestine groups continued to gather on campus following the establishment of the Gaza Solidarity Encampment, Columbia University protestors clarified that they only want “Death to America” after America is done paying their student loans for them.
Winning: DeSantis Unveils Massive Circus Cannon That Will Launch Pro-Hamas Protestors All The Way To Gaza (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 2:36pm EDTTAMPA, FL-Florida Governor Ron DiSantis announced Florida will now be launching all pro-Hamas protestors back to Gaza using a giant circus cannon.
‘Let’s Set Aside Distractions,’ Says Worship Leader Surrounded By Lasers And Fog (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 2:28pm EDTREDDING, CA — In typical reverent fashion, Axl Mustaine led the congregation of LifeSource in the City Revivalpoint megachurch into a time of worship by reminding them to set aside all distractions even as the entire sanctuary was filled with an all-enveloping heavy fog and bombarded by intense laser lights.
Abraham Pretty Sure This Feud Between Ishmael And Isaac Will Blow Over Soon (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 1:42pm EDTCANAAN — Though villagers continued to notice mounting tensions and frequent disagreements between his sons, Abraham reports he’s pretty sure this feud between Ishmael and Isaac will blow over soon.
Alec Baldwin Tired Of Everyone Screaming ‘Look Out!’ And Diving To The Ground Every Time He Reaches For His Cell Phone (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 12:17pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — According to sources, actor Alec Baldwin has already grown tired of everyone screaming “Look out!” and diving to the ground every time he reached for his cell phone.
Columbia Admins Promise To Carefully Investigate Whether ‘Let’s Kill Every Jew We See On Campus’ Chant Violates School’s Speech Policy (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 23rd 2024 12:12pm EDTMANHATTAN, NY — After anti-Jewish protests erupted on campus this week, Columbia officials say they are investigating whether calls to murder all Jews on campus violate the university’s speech policy.
10 Great Benefits Of Being A Pastor’s Wife (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 5:59pm EDTLife in ministry is one of the greatest gifts anyone can experience, and that extends to pastors’ wives as well. What’s so great about being a pastor’s wife? The benefits are abundant.
‘The Tortured Poets Department’ Review: We Usually Love Taylor Swift, But We Question Her Decision To Release An Album That’s Just An Hour-Long Recording Of Her Sobbing In The Shower (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 5:43pm EDTDon’t get us wrong, we usually love Taylor Swift, but her decision to release an hour-long recording of herself sobbing in the shower and call it an album is certainly a bold choice.
Tragic: This Man Got Married Young And Never Got To Experience Getting Drunk At Bars And Waking Up Hungover With A New STD Every Morning (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 3:42pm EDTMENIFEE, CA — Members of the community were shocked and saddened to hear the story of a local man who got married young and never got to experience the joy of getting drunk at bars and waking up hungover with a new STD every morning.
Historians Uncover Hitler’s Hamas Headscarf (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 2:53pm EDTBERLIN, GERMANY — Archeologists focused on the historical period of the Second World War have finally found Hitler’s personal Hamas headscarf.
Columbia University Students Reject A Two-Campus Solution (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 2:34pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — With tensions on the rise and conflict between the two sides growing more hostile, analysts had little hope that an amicable result would be reached, as Columbia University students rejected a two-campus solution to the conflict.
Impressive: 6th-Grade Furry Already Barking At 9th-Grade Level (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 1:25pm EDTPAYSON, UT — Despite the public outrage leveled at the school district, officials proudly cited an example of the positive result of schools allowing students with alternative lifestyles, pointing to one 6th-grade furry who was already barking at a 9th-grade level.
America Honors Earth Day By Recycling Used Presidential Candidates (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 22nd 2024 12:55pm EDTU.S. — In a touching homage to Mother Earth, Americans elected to responsibly recycle two used presidential candidates for use in the upcoming election.
House Votes To Protect Every Country Not Named The United States (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 21st 2024 4:56pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark bipartisan vote, the U.S. House of Representatives has voted to protect every country in the entire world, as long as that country isn’t named the United States.
1Biden Claims His Uncle’s Heart Was Ripped Out During Human Sacrifice Ritual In India (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 20th 2024 3:19pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — At a recent press conference, President Joe Biden recounted a harrowing tale from his family’s past: the time when his uncle had his heart ripped out and was sacrificed during a mysterious ritual in India.
Man Sets Himself On Fire To Show How His Side Is The Sane And Rational One (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 20th 2024 1:21pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — To show that his side is the side of sanity, logic, and rationality, a local man has decided to set himself ablaze, incinerating his own body on live TV.
Megachurch Worship Leaders Frantically Learning New Taylor Swift Songs For Sunday (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 19th 2024 5:23pm EDTSPRINGFIELD, MO — With the unexpected overnight release of her double album, megachurch worship leaders across the country scrambled to spend their weekends frantically learning new Taylor Swift songs for Sunday.
10 Other Things Mike Johnson Wants To Fund Before The Border (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 19th 2024 5:07pm EDTSpeaker of the House Mike Johnson has sent a clear message: there are things that are simply more important than securing the U.S. border. In fact, you may be surprised to learn just how long his list actually is.
‘This Is A Place Of Business, Not Politics,’ Says CEO Of Election Rigging Cartel (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 19th 2024 4:00pm EDTMOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — After firing several anti-Israel protestors who occupied his office, Google CEO Sundar Pichai made a statement reminding everyone that Google is a place of business, not politics.
Biden Says When It Comes To College Women’s Sports, ‘May The Best Man Win’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 19th 2024 3:51pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that experts predicted would alter the course of history in women’s athletics, President Joe Biden announced that when it comes to college women’s sports, “May the best man win.”