IRVINE, CA — A local man found himself at a crossroads today, as he was torn between working from home and being interrupted by his kids and working at the office and being interrupted by his coworkers.
Journalists and social media users were abuzz this week following the vice presidential debate, with people offering fascinating insights into the body language, facial expressions, and other characteristics of the candidates.
LAKE JACKSON, TX — Libertarian and conservative families alike who live near former congressman Ron Paul were shocked and horrified to see the national debt counter that he had placed in his front yard as a spooky Halloween decoration.
ASHEVILLE, NC — Official sources within the Federal Emergency Management Agency were disappointed to inform victims of Hurricane Helene that the government agency was unable to offer them any taxpayer funding, as it had spent it all on a PowerPoint presentation about racial equity.
TEHRAN — After watching his missile bombardment of Israel fail to yield the results he had hoped for, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei frantically googled “how to build iron dome thingy FAST.”
U.S. — With little over a month left before election day, results of a new national survey showed Minnesota Governor Tim Walz polling strongly among men who choose to use the middle urinal in men’s rooms.
U.S. — Athletic contests aren’t just for athletes anymore. There’s a fun new sport sweeping the nation, and it’s perfect for just about anyone who’s ever gotten winded walking up a single flight of stairs.
RALEIGH, NC — With civilians working hard to rescue their neighbors along the path of devastation left behind by Hurricane Helene and FEMA revealing a lack of available money, the state of North Carolina asked Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky for $100 Billion in U.S. funding.
OMAHA, NE — Local father Sam Libert was tricked into keeping his children up far too late last night after his kids cleverly waited until bedtime to ask him to explain the Trinity.
WASHINTON, DC — In an awkward turn of events, Presidential candidate Kamala Harris quietly canceled the release of wife-beater tank tops featuring her husband’s image after revelations that he was, in fact, a woman-beater.
U.S. — As November’s hotly contested presidential election draws near, supporters of Vice President Kamala Harris were reportedly trying to figure out how they were supposed to convert their joy into groceries.
By now you’ve heard that Tim Walz literally stood in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square, but that’s not the only iconic moment the governor has been present for! Here are eight other historical events Walz has claimed to be at:
NEW YORK — Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz explained that he misspoke when previously claiming he was present at the Tiananmen Square Massacre in China, clarifying he was actually at the Tiananmen Square Chinese Buffet in Omaha, Nebraska.
NEW YORK, NY — In yet another stunning but controversial prediction, host of CNBC’s Mad Money, Jim Cramer boldly declared that the Chicago White Sox are his insider pick to win the 2024 World Series.
NEW YORK, NY — The excited mood among Republicans following last night’s vice presidential debate was quickly squelched by the breaking news that the Department of Justice had indicted Ohio Senator J.D. Vance for brutally beating three women.
U.S. — After Minnesota Governor and U.S. Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz claimed he was friends with them in Tuesday night’s debate, school shooters across the nation were quick to distance themselves from “that total weirdo.”
U.S. — After Minnesota Governor and U.S. Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz claimed he was friends with them in Tuesday night’s debate, school shooters across the nation were quick to distance themselves from “that total weirdo.”
The Bible is great and all the way it is, but as everyone has seen proven time and time again, YouTube just makes everything better. Even the most exciting and fascinating Bible stories get taken to another level with a killer YouTube clickbait video.
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Fans of the popular animated Christian children’s series were excited by the promise of new adventures, as the makers of VeggieTales announced the introduction of a new evil villain character named “Matt Squash.”
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Fans of the popular animated Christian children’s series were excited by the promise of new adventures, as the makers of VeggieTales announced the introduction of a new evil villain character named “Matt Squash.”
The Babylon Bee has obtained a list of demands Minnesota Governor Tim Walz wrote on a napkin as part of his conditions to participate in tonight’s vice presidential debate against JD Vance. As is common practice, debate participants must agree on the rules ahead of the debate. It is currently unknown which, if any, of […]
The Babylon Bee has obtained a list of demands submitted by Ohio senator and Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance ahead of tonight’s vice presidential debate against Tim Walz.
HEAVEN — Celestial sources shed light on the eternal rewards of two pastors yesterday, confirming that Frank Linderson, the pastor of a congregation of 40 people for over half a century was welcomed into Heaven’s Avengers Tower while Brad Neil, who had been a megachurch pastor for six years, was given his very own celestial […]
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