U.S. — As audio clips of another round of oral arguments made their way across social media, results of a new poll revealed that support continued to grow for requiring Supreme Court justices to pass cognitive tests in order to serve.
EARTH — Health enthusiasts received exciting news this week, as God introduced a new hydrating, zero-sugar beverage that has absolutely no artificial dyes, no carbs, and is completely devoid of any calories.
EL SALVADOR — As Trump’s deportation efforts continue, leaders from several South American countries have expressed their outrage at having their sovereign countries flooded by an influx of their own citizens.
With RFK Jr.’s artificial dye ban being pushed into effect as soon as possible, corporations were sent scrambling to bring their products into compliance, resulting in a slew of new food items that will be hitting store shelves near you.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The leader of the free world was sporting a new look this morning, as witnesses noticed that President Donald Trump’s skin had returned to normal human color just one day after HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. began phasing out artificial dyes.
NASHVILLE, TN — Local husband Matt Wilhelm dimmed the lights and put on some soft jazz to ease the tension as he solemnly told his wife they must do their part to improve the nation’s falling birthrate.
VATICAN CITY — Millions excitedly awaited the imminent announcement of the new Pope after smoke poured out of the Vatican this morning, only to learn it was just Cardinal Steve burning the toast again.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Inside sources confirmed the grim news this morning that the Easter Bunny was found dead yesterday, having passed away only days after having a scheduled meeting with Vice President JD Vance.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House has advised every American to reply “STOP” if they no longer wish to receive texts about upcoming military strikes from Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth.
VATICAN CITY — CNN journalists on the ground at the Vatican are reporting that behind closed doors, Pope Francis remains focused, sharp, and brimming with energy.
U.S. — Following news that HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had officially banned artificial food dyes, Post Consumer Brands announced that it would be changing its “Fruity Pebbles” cereal to the more compliant “Whitey Pebbles.”
U.S. — On the heels of news that HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. would be banning synthetic colors in the manufacturing of foods, Democrats across the country began chugging artificial food dyes as a bold act of protest.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A special ceremony was scheduled to be held today to mark the historic occasion, as for the first time in history, the United States Supreme Court has five female justices.
ROME — Following the death of Pope Francis this week, official sources at the Vatican have confirmed that the next pope will be chosen by ninja warrior obstacle course.
Following the passing of Pope Francis, the Catholic Church is now deep into the process of electing a new leader. While various media outlets claim to have lists of potential candidates, only The Babylon Bee has obtained the short list of true frontrunners.
U.S. — In yet another step toward the advancement of protections for all people groups, activists announced today that MS-13 had officially been added to the LGBTQ+ acronym to ensure that the rights of violent foreign gang members were recognized.
FORREST CITY, AR — According to sources, the trumpet call announcing the glorious return of Christ has sounded throughout the earth, leading local woman Amber Clark to begin frantically cleaning her home.
CAROL STREAM, IL — An article published by Christianity Today calls into question the existence of Jesus, argues that the Bible is a lie, and says God is dead.
VATICAN CITY — Following the death of Pope Francis, cardinals within the Roman Catholic Church have expressed interest in electing a pope who’s actually Catholic this time.
DHARAMSHALA — After the sad news broke that Pope Francis had passed away just hours after meeting the U.S. Vice President, the Dalai Lama quietly canceled his scheduled meeting with JD Vance.
Have you ever wished you could experience the Bible firsthand? Have you ever found the book of Revelation to be confusing and challenging to understand? A game-changing new life hack aims to solve both of these problems at the same time!
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a frustrating string of judicial roadblocks that have hindered his agenda, President Donald Trump announced a move to overrule the United States Supreme Court by establishing the new Ultra Supreme Mega Court.
GLORY — The afterlife of one of the world’s most prominent religious figures got off to an awkward start today, as Saint Peter reportedly asked the newly arrived Francis if he could have his pope hat back.
SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning transformation, local dad Greg Thompson debuted a head-turning glow-up this weekend with a brand-new plaid shirt from Walmart’s clearance rack.
U.S. — According to sources, several individuals who bypassed the legal process in migrating to the United States are demanding due process before being deported.
- Apr 19th 2025 11:19am EDT