SACRAMENTO — California officials announced on Wednesday that they had finally finished counting the votes and Ronald Reagan had officially won the 1966 governor’s race.
NEW YORK, NY — After the firing of longtime contributor Scott Pelley due to ongoing conflicts with producers, the long-running CBS News program 60 Minutes began its search for a new pompous blowhard.
LOS ANGELES, CA — Filmmaker George Lucas was reportedly branching out into Bible sales with a bold new special edition of God’s Word, featuring a new edit where Malchus attacks Peter first.
AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico was busy campaigning today when he noticed that the time had reached 5 PM. That meant that it was time for his daily ritual: painting some stubble on his face.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A parade celebrating Pride Month was forced to suddenly change course after participants informed organizers that none of them were allowed within 200 yards of a local elementary school.
TAMPA, FL — Social media influencer Lena Baker announced on her Instagram page this week that she had given birth to her third revenue stream, a beautiful little girl named Brinley.
U.S. — While making media appearances to promote her new book, Jill Biden assured the nation that her husband’s old age did not in any way hamper her ability to serve as president.
BURBANK, CA — In an effort to win back disgruntled fans, Disney executives announced a brand-new Star Wars film trilogy centered entirely around Jar Jar Binks, one of the most popular characters in the franchise.
U.S. — Several companies across the U.S. posting special Pride Month versions of their logos on social media were apparently unaware that Donald Trump is currently president.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After seeing carefully negotiated ceasefires between the U.S. and Iran and Israel and Hezbollah fail to bring about lasting peace in the troubled region, President Donald Trump was reportedly shocked to learn that genocidal jihadists often don’t negotiate in good faith.
NEW YORK, NY — For the month of June, episodes of Sesame Street will now be preceded by a warning indicating that the show is no longer suitable for children, Sesame Workshop announced on Tuesday.
AUGUSTA, ME — While Republicans continued working overtime to smear Senate candidate Graham Platner because of all the awful things he is and does, Platner had enough and decided to fight back.
It’s Pride Month again, making this the perfect time of year to see what inspirational passages can be found in God’s Word that pertain to the subject.
AGOURA HILLS, CA — Officials working on new construction in California were surprised to learn that their own state, which was struggling to build a bridge for butterflies over the course of four years at a cost of over $100 million, had apparently once developed and built the P-51 Mustang in just 102 days.
SAN BERNARDINO, CA — An attack ad against a Republican candidate reportedly had the opposite effect when it convinced a local man to vote for the Republican.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an unusual gesture across a prominent social divide, President Donald Trump took the official step of recognizing Pride Month this year by hosting a soccer match right on the White House lawn.
BURBANK, CA — Following a precipitous fall at the box office for The Mandalorian and Grogu, reports circulated that Disney executives called an urgent meeting with Lucasfilm to come up with a plan to revive the floundering Star Wars franchise so they could kill it again.
U.S. — One of the country’s most heavily scrutinized Senate races was thrown into chaos over the weekend, as the nation was shocked to learn that a candidate with a Nazi tattoo turned out to be a total scumbag.
COLUMBIA, SC — Watching in awe as Blue Origin’s New Glenn rocket exploded in spectacular fashion, local man Dennis Rogers was glad to finally see what his wife’s Amazon purchases had funded.
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