Ilhan Omar Paraglides Into Columbia Campus To Lead Protests (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 27th 2024 12:52pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — In a dramatic entrance that left onlookers both baffled and concerned for their immediate safety, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar descended from the skies above the Columbia University campus via paraglider, ready to lead the charge in the latest round of protests.
Boy David Condemned For Violently Attacking Peaceful Palestinian Giant (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 27th 2024 12:39pm EDTELAH VALLEY — A young boy named David has found himself under intense scrutiny and condemnation for his alleged violence against a kindly Palestinian giant named Goliath. Those critical of the young boy’s action call this yet another tragic case of disproportionate force and cultural insensitivity.
Israel Withdraws From Gaza After Learning Of Protest By 19-Year-Old Fine Arts Major Roxy Barnett (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 27th 2024 12:03pm EDTGAZA — Israel announced its complete withdrawal from the Gaza Strip after learning this morning of a protest from a 19-year-old Fine Arts major at Northwestern University named Roxy Barnett.
The Babylon Bee Has Announced We Will Lend Struggling Satire Site ‘The Onion’ One Of Our Two Jokes (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 27th 2024 10:36am EDTUpon hearing the news that the Onion had been sold off yet again this past week, the Babylon Bee has decided to step in and help the floundering satire site by lending them one of its two jokes.
8 Handy Tricks Women Can Use To Beat Trans Athletes (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 3:51pm EDTIt’s the dawn of a new era in women’s athletics, as they are now open to dudes! While the playing field may seem tilted unfairly, there are some foolproof tactics women can use to make things more even.
1‘Why Do I Feel So Far From God?’ Says Man Scrolling Through X, Binging Netflix Simultaneously (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 3:39pm EDTJOHNS CREEK, GA — In the middle of his normal routine of scrolling through X and binging Netflix for several hours each night, local man Jimmy Winters suddenly realized that he felt far from God for some reason.
Palestine Protesters Scatter As Riot Police Charge In With Sticks Of Deodorant (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 3:36pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Riot police armed with sticks of deodorant charged at Pro-Hamas demonstrators this week, causing protestors to flee in terror.
Clever College Students Figure Out It’s Not Racist To Call For The Murder Of All Jews If You Just Call Them ‘Zionists’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 2:47pm EDTBOSTON, MA — In ongoing protests over the war between Israel and Gaza, clever college students found an effective way to avoid being racist by simply calling for the murder of ‘Zionists’ instead of Jews.
First 58 Minutes Of Men’s Bible Study Hour Spent Discussing Best Bait For Rainbow Trout (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 2:30pm EDTGUASTI, CA — A men’s group met Wednesday at New Wine Church for an hour-long Bible study, 58 minutes of which was spent discussing the best bait for rainbow trout.
In Act Of Sacrificial Love For His Family, Man Mows Lawn In Peace And Quiet On Sunny Day (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 1:57pm EDTGOSHEN, IN — In a touching act of sacrificial love for his family, a local dad has elected to give up his valuable time on a Saturday to mow the lawn on a sweet riding mower in peace and quiet on a beautiful, sunny day.
Corporate Recruiter Scouts Ivy League University For Entitled Antisemitic Communists With $200k In Debt (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 26th 2024 1:04pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — A corporate recruiter from Corptech Solutions Inc. arrived at Columbia University this morning to look for promising Ivy League graduates who are also entitled, antisemitic communists with at least $200k in student debt.
‘Israel Must End Its Illegal Occupation!’ Cry People Staging Illegal Occupation (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 6:31pm EDTU.S. — According to sources, college students have illegally occupied public spaces across the country to protest what they believe is Israel’s illegal occupation of Palestine.
8 Changes Biden Made To Title IX (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 5:55pm EDTPresident Joe Biden made significant changes to Title IX last week, expanding the definition of the word “woman” to an emoji of someone shrugging followed by a pride flag. There were other changes, however, that flew under the radar.
Hamas Thanks College Student Supporters By Promising Them A Quick Death During Global Intifada (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 4:31pm EDTRAFAH — Hamas has issued a statement of thanks to American university students for their unwavering support over the past few weeks, promising that, in return, the deaths of university students in the coming global intifada would be relatively quick and painless.
CEO Tim Cook Straps On Apple Vision Pro To Enjoy Alternate Reality In Which People Buy Apple Vision Pro (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 4:12pm EDTCUPERTINO, CA — Feeling despondent over low sales numbers and the financial losses that come with them, Apple CEO Tim Cook strapped on a set of Apple Cision Pro goggles to view an alternate reality in which people buy Apple Vision Pro goggles.
Couple Feeling Led To Church With Free Childcare, Movie Theater, Day Spa (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 3:20pm EDTTUSTIN, CA — A powerful movement of the Holy Spirit was felt in the souls of a pair of believers this past week, as a local couple felt led to join a church with free childcare, a movie theater, and a day spa.
Sad: College Student So Caught Up Harassing Jews He Forgot About Term Paper On Inclusion (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 2:14pm EDTBOSTON, MA — A frantic Harvard student realized this week he’d been so busy harassing Jewish students on campus that he’d forgotten to write his final term paper on the importance of inclusion.
Arizona Indicts Trump Allies For Questioning Election Results While Republican (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 25th 2024 12:52pm EDTPHOENIX, AZ — The aftereffects of the hotly contested 2020 presidential election continued to be felt in a key battleground state, as Arizona Trump allies were indicted on charges of questioning election results while Republican.
Asian Kid Who Actually Went To Columbia To Learn Gettin’ Real Sick Of This Crap (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 6:20pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — As unrest due to anti-Israel protests continued into another day, an Asian kid who went to Columbia University to actually learn was reportedly gettin’ real sick of this crap.
10 Famous Presidential Quotes If All Presidents Spoke Like Joe Biden (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 6:11pm EDTHave you ever noticed that Joe Biden has a funny way of speaking? From his endearing way of retelling events that never happened to his uncanny ability to make up new words on the spot, it’s a fascinating testament to his abilities as a communicator. If only other presidents throughout history could do the same […]
L.A. Mayor’s Podium Stolen During News Conference Touting Drop In Crime (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 5:25pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — In what some commentators are calling a political bug-a-boo, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass’s podium was stolen right out from under her during a press conference in which she was touting drops in the city’s crime rates.
Archeologists Discover Fake 100 Dollar Bill Gospel Tract Used By Philip The Evangelist (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 4:49pm EDTSEBASTIA — A notable piece of Christian history was unearthed this week, as archeologists discovered the fake 100 dollar bill gospel tract that was used by Philip the evangelist during the years of the early church.
10 Famous Liberals Explain Why They Oppose Free Speech (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 2:01pm EDTWhile free speech boasts supporters such as Elon Musk and the Constitution, there are many Americans today who strongly disagree! The Babylon Bee asked ten famous liberals why they oppose free speech, and here is what they said:
‘Trump Will Receive A Fair And Impartial Trial,’ Says Judge As Construction Crew Builds Gallows Outside Courtroom (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 1:31pm EDTNEW YORK — Judge Juan Manuel Merchan was reassuring the public that former President Trump would receive a fair trial when he was interrupted by the sound of construction crews assembling giant gallows outside the courthouse.
Columbia Switches To Online Classes So Jewish Students Can Participate From The Attics Where They Are Hiding (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 24th 2024 12:42pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — In the wake of ongoing anti-Israel protests that have engulfed the school’s campus, Columbia University announced it has switched to online classes so Jewish students can participate from the attics where they are hiding.