VATICAN CITY — The supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church issued a sharp criticism of the Almighty Creator of the universe this week, as Pope Leo XIV publicly condemned God for instituting the death penalty.
BIRMINGHAM, AL — When he stepped down from the pulpit Sunday, local Baptist preacher Jim Craver had no idea it would be for the last time. Just days later, old tweets resurfaced in which he used the word “darn,” forcing him to step away from his role as Lead Pastor of First Second Baptist Church.
U.S. — Amid the news that Secretary of War Pete Hegseth had revised the fitness requirements for all armed forces personnel, one unfortunate side effect that may have gone unnoticed was the sad reality that the new military fitness standards would make your mom unable to join the military.
Brace yourself, America: the federal government has been shut down. Congress will no longer be able to pass any bills and all federal agencies will grind to a halt. But, there will also be some very serious consequences.
U.S. — Following the announcement that music artist Bad Bunny would be performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, outraged conservatives across the country vowed to boycott the NFL until next Sunday.
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — A local man was confronted with the unpleasant reality that he had failed miserably as a father after he discovered that his young son was rooting for the New York Yankees.
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — A local man was confronted with the unpleasant reality that he had failed miserably as a father after he discovered that his young son was rooting for the New York Yankees.
U.S. — In the wake of President Trump unleashing devastating videos showing Representative Hakeem Jeffries wearing traditional Mexican garb, Democrats have called for common-sense sombrero control.
NEW YORK, NY — In addition to announcing that music star Bad Bunny would be performing, the National Football League issued a follow-up statement revealing that the Super Bowl halftime show would also feature authentic MS-13 backup dancers.
RIYADH — Among the many expected changes coming to the popular developer’s line of video games following its sale, the now Saudi-owned EA will no longer allow women to play Need for Speed.
New military fitness standards were all the buzz today, as Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that all personnel would be expected to meet higher criteria moving forward. But what, exactly, will be required?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Facing an alarming health crisis across the U.S. military leadership, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced on Tuesday that he had hired legendary fitness trainers Hans and Franz to get all the top generals into shape.
GAZA — Despite early reports that the Palestinian terrorist organization was open to accepting the terms of President Donald Trump’s brokered peace plan, Hamas rejected the deal to end alleged genocide in the region after learning it would require them to stop killing Jews.
U.S. — A groundbreaking study of the factors contributing to autism has convinced scientists and doctors that autism is most likely caused by trains being so gosh darned cool.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Great Negotiator has done it again: President Donald Trump recently unveiled a genius plan to give Israel and Palestine tablets to play with so that they’ll stop fighting.
SALT LAKE CITY — Local wife Alison Weaver told her husband Matt she was up all night thinking about what he told her earlier that day about her overthinking stuff too much.
GRAND BLANC, MI — Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints responded to the tragic attacks on one of their locations by continuing to be nice and friendly to everyone they met.
NEW YORK, NY — In a move experts now hail as one of the more shrewd decisions made in the professional sports world in the last several years, star baseball player Juan Soto revealed that he joined the Mets so he could get the entire month of October off every year.
KANSAS CITY, MO — A local church praise team reached a level of achievement not seen since the days of classic hymns, as a worship song written by the band leader broke new ground by having more than 7 different words.
U.S. — The National Football League is apparently working double time to win back its conservative fanbase by planning a Super Bowl halftime show with a Spanish-speaking man in a dress.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to several statements to the press, Democrats are outraged by the unprecedented political prosecutions of people not named Donald Trump.
PORTLAND, OR — Despite urgent pleas from the public to address the chaos unleashed on the city by radical leftist terrorists, the mayor of Portland downplayed the threat of Antifa and announced that the group that had just lit him on fire was completely under control.
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