BOSTON, MA — Chaos erupted at a local convent yesterday as a team of FBI agents aggressively stormed the building in the early morning hours. Sources say they had received multiple reports of it being a gathering place for a large group of dangerous, right-wing, pro-life extremists.
NEW HAVEN, CT — Philosophy professor and Fascism Expert James Stanley announced on Twitter that he had found fascism in America, Italy, Nigeria, and several other countries.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi drafted articles of impeachment against newly elected Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni Tuesday to combat what she calls “far-right extremist Mussolini cosplay under the Tuscan sun.”
TALLAHASSEE, FL — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is being hailed as a hero after he used top-secret technology to reroute Hurricane Ian to Martha’s Vineyard.
TEHRAN, IRAN — The protests in Iran have been raging for over a week, with more speaking out against Iran’s use of “morality police” in enforcing hijab wearing among women. The protests, sparked by the death of a young woman in police custody arrested for hijab noncompliance, have been marked by the defiant acts of […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — To avoid fighting over further spending bills, Congress has opted instead to sign up for the brand new subscription service Ukraine+, which only costs $40 billion per month.
MESOPOTAMIA — Local patriarch Methuselah has lost all of his wealth after enduring several centuries of writing $5.00 birthday checks to grandchildren. The aged man, who claims to be almost a thousand years old, has since filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy and will have his assets liquidated.
GOTHAM CITY — Batman has finally been forced to hang up his cape and abandon his beloved city as the crime rate continues to soar under Democrat leadership. Following the election of another democrat, Mayor Tori Tightfoot, Batman has decided he just can’t keep up with the crime anymore.
ITALY — With the election of right-wing candidate Giorgia Meloni as Italy’s first female Prime Minister, the Left has announced they no longer support strong, independent women.
ANAHEIM, CA — A local man is struggling to rid himself of his job despite ramping up his “quiet quitting” efforts over the last several weeks. Reports indicate that these challenges are likely the result of him being incredibly lazy at work from the very beginning.
GAINESVILLE, FL — Despite installing a new “Trinity Wishbone” offense during fall camp, PragerU has once again found itself dead last in the NCAA after a 94-0 drubbing at the hands of the Florida Gators.
U.S.A. — After careful consideration, America has decided that religious people can still be allowed in society, so long as they aren’t one of those psychos who actually believe their religion.
WACO, TX — The months-long drought in southern Texas has ended after local woman Stacy Ramage emptied all the water bottles from her nightstand into the water supply.
Stacey Abrams turned the medical world upside-down earlier this week with her revelation that heartbeats are a complete scam, concocted to trick women into thinking babies are alive. We here at the Bee have delved deep and uncovered even MORE heinous plots by the world’s men-folk aimed at deceiving women that babies are actually human. […]
MOSCOW — Military experts believe the Russian war effort may be in trouble after Vladimir Putin was seen attempting to teach polar bears how to drive tanks.
OMAHA, NE — Local man John Falco received the tragic news today from his doctor that all the things happening to his body are completely normal, he’s simply 40 years old now.
If you’ve ever wondered if you should leave a church, wonder no more – The Babylon Bee is here to help! Here are 10 solid, biblically-defensible excuses for leaving a church that’s not serving you enough:
EL PASO, CO — The U.S. Air Force has continued its initiative for a more inclusive, and gender-neutral military by removing all flight sticks from their planes — effective immediately.
WASHINGTON, DC — The expert codebreaking team at the NSA is working to decipher all the statements Biden made in his speech today, which the White House has promised to walk back as soon as they figure out what on earth he was saying.
WHEATLAND, MO — While camping in the woods, local woman Sandra Peppertree reportedly shared with a group of close friends that she “just loves s’mores” and “can’t get enough of them” leading to speculation that she has never tasted good food in her life.
WASHINGTON, DC — In an ingenious move commonly used by pet owners, White House staff members have announced that they will be fitting Joe Biden with a custom-made jingle bell collar that will make it easier for them to locate the wayward President when he wanders off aimlessly.
ATLANTA, GA. — While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.
MOBILE, AL — According to sources, local husband Brad Sanders has completely emptied the dishwasher without any prompting from his wife in hopes that she’ll be cool with him watching 19 hours of football this weekend.
YOSEMITE, CA — During a camping retreat this week to recharge for more rioting before, during, and after the midterm elections, a group of progressives sat around a campfire and enjoyed swapping scary stories about climate change.
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