SATIRE – Febreze Introduces New Maximum-Strength Formula For Jr. High Boys’ Bedrooms
The Babylon Bee - Jul 13th 2022 4:31pm EDTCINCINNATI, OH — Proctor & Gamble has released a brand new maximum-strength version of its popular Febreze air freshener product designed to combat the intense odor of bedrooms occupied by Jr. High-aged boys. The powerful air freshener comes in a specially engineered canister that allows desperate parents to spray the high-potency contents all at once. […]
SATIRE – Warren Condemns Underground Railroad For Tricking Slaves Into Escaping
The Babylon Bee - Jul 13th 2022 2:58pm EDTBOSTON, MA — Senator Elizabeth Warren is condemning the Underground Railroad for using devious and deceptive tactics to trick slaves into escaping their masters.
SATIRE – Waffle House Shuts Down 16 Locations As Areas Become Too Nice And Crime-Free
The Babylon Bee - Jul 13th 2022 2:28pm EDTNEW YORK, NY — Multiple Waffle House locations have been forced to close their doors permanently following an uptick in public safety and a drastic reduction in crime. The Waffle House locations were simply no longer able to function in pristine, well-funded areas that their customers were not used to.
SATIRE – Americans Offer To Trade LeBron To Russia For Brittney Griner
The Babylon Bee - Jul 13th 2022 1:05pm EDTU.S. — In a bid to get WNBA star Brittney Griner out of Russian prison and back home to the states where she belongs, Americans have eagerly stepped up to offer up LeBron James as a substitute.
SATIRE – Bucc-ee’s Beaver Announces Run For Texas Governor
The Babylon Bee - Jul 13th 2022 11:41am EDTNEW BRAUNFELS, TX — Despite an already crowded field consisting of popular incumbent Greg Abbott, Irish drug-addict Robert O’Rourke, and several unknown candidates, a dark horse candidate has threatened to upset the governor’s race: Bucc-ee Beaver announced his candidacy today.
SATIRE – Christian Radio DJ Keeps Experiencing Deja Vu Feeling That He Played These Exact Same Songs An Hour Ago
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 6:13pm EDTLEBANON, KY — Local Christian radio DJ Jessie Korah, host of “Morning Trumpet” on 97.7FM Coastlands Radio, experiences constant feelings of déjà vu that the songs he’s broadcasting are the exact same ones he did just an hour before.
SATIRE – NASA Developing Even Larger Telescope To Photograph Your Mom
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 6:04pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — NASA’s James Webb space telescope team has unveiled the farthest and most massive image of deep space ever captured. In light of the success of the program, NASA has announced they will be developing an even larger space telescope to capture a photograph of your mom.
SATIRE – White House Still Searching For A Biden They Can Send Out In Public
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 4:44pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, senior White House aides are still searching for a Biden they can send out in public following recent gaffes and federal crimes committed by Joe, Jill, and Hunter Biden.
SATIRE – Study Shows U.S. 4th Graders Now Gay At A 12th-Grade Level
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 3:06pm EDTBrought to you by: American Principles Project
SATIRE – How Jill Biden Describes Each Ethnicity
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 2:40pm EDTJill Biden recently referred to Latino people as “Breakfast Tacos,” eschewing the more politically correct term, “Brxxkfst Txcxs.” Despite her faux pas, this isn’t the first time she’s used colorful language to describe some ethnicities. Here are most of the other times:
SATIRE – Polls Indicate More Breakfast Tacos Leaning Republican
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 1:06pm EDTU.S. — According to recent polling data, the Americans described by Jill Biden as “breakfast tacos” are inexplicably switching to the Republican Party in record numbers.
SATIRE – Study Finds 100% Of Work Meetings Ever Held In Human History Have Been Entirely Unnecessary
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 11:46am EDTPROVIDENCE, RI — According to the results of a new study conducted by Brown University, exactly 100% of work meetings ever held in all of human history, across all industries and sectors, have been entirely unnecessary.
SATIRE – Elon Musk Unveils The Tesla Model H Homeschooler Van That Will Fit All His Kids
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 7:49pm EDTAUSTIN, TX — Tesla, Inc. added a van to its lineup of popular electric vehicles Monday with the unveiling of the new Model H. The full-size van, also known as The Homeschooler, is capable of fitting all nine of Elon Musk’s children inside without sacrificing comfort.
SATIRE – Dad’s Top 10 (And Totally Safe) Summer Activities For Kids
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 6:40pm EDT<horizontal-line/>
SATIRE – Trump The White Returns At Dawn On The Fifth Day With Army Of Dutch Farmers And Canadian Truckers
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 5:31pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — America was saved in the face of overwhelming odds when former President Trump returned as Trump the White at first light Monday to drain the swamp, finally making good on a campaign promise from days of old. He was joined by Dutch farmers, Canadian truckers, and those who would carry the banner […]
SATIRE – 12 Most Shocking Revelations From Hunter Biden’s Laptop
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 4:57pm EDTThe entire contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, iphone, and ipad have been leaked to the public. How embarrassing! The Babylon Bee team spent all night scrolling through 4chan threads last night and we checked into therapy this morning.
SATIRE – Office Buzz: A Coffee Break In Ruins
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 4:17pm EDTOur Keurig imitation coffee machine was in shambles this morning. Someone didn’t refill the water and they left an old discarded k-cup inside. Gross!
SATIRE – Janitor Knocks On Door And Asks Jan 6 Committee To Wrap It Up As Another Group Has The Room Reserved At 5
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 2:02pm EDTWASHINGTON — The January 6th hearings ended early last week when a custodian knocked on the door before poking his head in to request that the January 6th Committee clear out for the next group on the schedule.
SATIRE – Ron DeSantis Runs Ad In California Asking Libs Not To Move To Florida
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 1:17pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Ron Desantis has responded to Governor Gavin Newsom’s political ads in Florida by running political ads of his own in California. While Newsom’s ads were urging libs to move to California, Desantis is begging the libs in California to stay put.
SATIRE – Senator Warren Leaps Out Just In Time To Swat Prenatal Vitamins Away From Woman Leaving Pregnancy Center
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 12:36pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Elizabeth Warren has decided to take matters into her own hands in the war against crisis pregnancy centers, personally smacking free resources away from pregnant women when they leave.
SATIRE – Couple Finishes Easy One-Hour DIY Home Improvement Project In Just 4 Years
The Babylon Bee - Jul 10th 2022 6:41pm EDTLANSING, MI — Local couple Noah and Ashley Mullins finished a simple, one-hour home improvement project today, a mere four years after they started.
SATIRE – Jesus Criticized As Ableist For Healing Paralytic
The Babylon Bee - Jul 10th 2022 11:38am EDTJERUSALEM — Jesus of Nazareth has come under fire once again, sparking accusations of ableism after miraculously helping a paralyzed man walk.
SATIRE – Family Buys Lake Cabin So They Can Spend Their Vacations Fixing Things Too
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 5:07pm EDTCrystal Lake, MI — After years of relaxing travel, the McWilliams family took the leap and purchased a lake cabin so they can finally spend their entire vacation fixing things.
SATIRE – Wife Tragically Dies As Tower Of Starbucks Cups In Car Topples
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 5:07pm EDTLITTLE ROCK, AR — Local woman Carissa Stewart passed away suddenly today, tragically crushed when she upset the upset the delicately constructed tower of Starbucks cups in her car.
SATIRE – We Asked 17 Famous People Which Character They Play As In Smash Bros., And This Is What They Said
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 10:48am EDTYou can tell a lot about a person by which character they use in Super Smash Bros.