TWITTER — After centuries of dispute amongst the greatest theological minds in history, the puzzle of free will and predestination was suddenly solved last night through a debate on Twitter.
U.S. — The results of a new study conducted by NBC News found that 97% of female viewers who tune into episodes of Dateline are researching how to kill their husbands. Producers of the long-running news program, known for its true crime documentaries and investigative reporting, are reportedly “uneasy” about the results of the study. […]
UVALDE, TX — After an armed private citizen bravely stopped a mass shooting at an Indiana mall, the Uvalde Police Department in Texas issued a statement of condemnation, criticizing the citizen for not waiting outside for an hour.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hunter Biden’s iCloud account was hacked by 4chan users revealing all his personal texts, contacts as well as pictures and videos. In the fallout, truly shocking images of Hunter Biden are now being seen by the public — including photos of Hunter fully clothed and not smoking crack.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning display of unbridled racism and cruelty, D.C. Mayor Bowser stated on Face The Nation that immigrants are not welcome in her city.
OCEAN CITY, NJ — Authorities doing a survey on beachgoer bathroom habits noted that none of the 20,000 people visiting the beach last weekend left once to use the bathroom. The survey team had been performing the study to see whether they should install public restrooms on the vacation town’s beaches.
The Babylon Bee crew made an appearance at FreedomFest in Las Vegas this weekend. And as the old saying goes, what happens in Vegas gets posted in the premium section for subscribers, so here goes:
LOUISVILLE, KY — Fake and deceitful nurses inside the local crisis pregnancy center have reportedly just tricked another innocent woman into not killing her own baby.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move this morning to address the nation’s financial woes, President Biden has officially called on the American economy to stop being bad.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Campbell’s Biology Textbook, 11th Edition, was arrested on the charge of inciting violence after it repeatedly insisted that only women can get pregnant.
NEW HAVEN, CT — Freshly transitioned to a woman, Leslie Roberson tasted the sweet thrill of womanhood this morning as she absolutely smashed his car into a curb.
THE INTERNET — Humanity’s suspicions were finally confirmed today, as the password bot has confessed to sometimes saying “incorrect password” on the first try just to mess with people.
SRI JAYAWARDENEPURA KOTTE — The Sri Lankan government’s sensible plan to become a green, climate-friendly utopia has experienced a slight hiccup after the nation’s 22 million citizens have run out of food, fuel, and hope.
PASADENA, CA — While out with friends, local man Kevin Bann put up a valiant effort to feign enjoyment of an orange watery substance with little slimy balls floating in it. His friends have confirmed he is “very cool” and “with the times.”
ANN ARBOR, MI — According to sources, two neighbors in an upscale liberal suburb are currently locked in a battle of chicken to see who will be the first person to take down their “Black Lives Matter” yard sign — thereby showing the entire neighborhood they’ve stopped caring about black lives.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — San Francisco District Attorney Brooke Jenkins announced a bold new direction for the DA’s office Friday when she put forward an innovative new plan to arrest people who break the law.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Labor Secretary Martin J. Walsh spoke with reporters Friday to clarify previous remarks that the rate of inflation had hit 9.1% in June. He explained that his office had accidentally placed the decimal in the wrong place and inflation is actually 91%, the highest it has ever been. He apologized for the […]
INDEPENDENCE, MO — Staff members of a local non-denominational church have expressed confusion at their congregants’ lack of biblical literacy, despite an entire month of Sunday sermons based on popular movie clips.
U.S. — The advanced AI algorithm built into your phone’s photo app has been studying you for years. It knows what you care about and what you think. It organizes all the people you take pictures of into categories and subcategories to help you find the best pictures exactly when you want to. And now […]
ANAHEIM, CA — In order to allow for more game time and fun activities, the youth ministry of a local church has decided to get rid of preaching altogether. In the absence of actual biblical teaching, the teens in attendance will be free to spend more time on essential youth group activities like playing basketball […]
Featured News
Click on this icon next to any post to promote it here!
