News From The Babylon Bee, Page 198
SATIRE – Thor Picks Up Rolling Pin, Unlocking All The Powers Of Jane Foster
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 9:52am EDT
SATIRE – Elon Musk Backs Out Of Twitter Deal After Realizing He Can Read The Babylon Bee By Going Directly To Their Website
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 6:23pm EDTSATIRE – Update: Number Of Safe Abortions Performed In All Of Human History Still At Zero
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 5:24pm EDTSATIRE – Family Goes On Vacation To See What Urgent Cares Look Like In Other States
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 4:48pm EDTSATIRE – Biden: ‘I Apologize For My Latest Teleprompter Gaffe, End Apology’
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 3:38pm EDTSATIRE – Apostle Paul Calls Out Critics For Deadnaming Him As ‘Saul’
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 3:25pm EDTSATIRE – Biden Sells A Million Barrels From Strategic Petroleum Reserve To COBRA
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 2:24pm EDTSATIRE – Musk’s Wealth Cut In Half After Taking All His Kids To Chuck E. Cheese
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 2:17pm EDTSATIRE – Success! Climate Protesters Block Traffic Causing Cars To Idle Extra 3 Hours
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 12:48pm EDTSATIRE – Husband Scientists Discover Strange Basket With Dirty Clothes In It
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 6:45pm EDTSATIRE – Dog Graciously Allows Owners To Sleep In His Bed
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 5:12pm EDTSATIRE – Biden Disappointed To Learn That Pink Hair Doesn’t Smell Like Strawberries
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 4:27pm EDTSATIRE – Local Friends Have Now Communicated For 8 Months Straight Exclusively In Steve Carell GIFs
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 3:29pm EDTSATIRE – Father Of 9 Elon Musk Admits He’s Only Going To Mars To Get Some Peace And Quiet
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 1:37pm EDTSATIRE – First 12 Things Trump Will Do When He Inevitably Returns To Power
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 1:06pm EDTSATIRE – Study Finds 92% Of Californians Who Flee The State Don’t Survive First Winter
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 1:00pm EDTSATIRE – In Attempt To Bring Back Audiences, Disney Recuts ‘Lightyear’ To Add Some Minions
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 8:16pm EDTBURBANK, CA — After Disney’s Lightyear disappointed at the box office, failing to earn as much in three weeks as Minions: The Rise of Gru earned in one weekend, Disney announced they are releasing a new cut of Lightyear into theaters — this time with minions added.
SATIRE – ‘Pro-Lifers Are Inhumane,’ Says Woman Who Calls Unborn Babies ‘Parasites’
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 6:39pm EDTSEATTLE, WA — According to sources, a local woman who calls unborn babies “parasites” has condemned pro-life people for being inhumane.
SATIRE – Fox Searchlight Asks Everyone To Send In Their DVD Copies Of ‘Juno’ So They Can Update Ellen Page’s Name
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 4:56pm EDTCENTURY CITY, CA — Fox Searchlight Pictures is asking its customers to return copies of its 2007 sleeper hit Juno after it was discovered that old DVD copies falsely attribute the starring role to an Ellen Page, who sources say has never existed. Beloved male actor Elliot Page, the movie’s actual star, has voiced support […]
SATIRE – Whistleblower Releases Zuckerberg’s 1,400-Page Manual On How To Appear Human
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 4:12pm EDTMENLO PARK, CA — A whistleblower inside Facebook publicly released a 1,400-page internal document trying to explain to Mark Zuckerberg how to appear human.
SATIRE – Going To College? Here’s What You Need To Pack For The Fall Semester In Order To Survive
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 3:48pm EDTAre you registering for classes for the upcoming fall semester at a prestigious and expensive university? You’ll need to prepare for a cutthroat world of higher education and poverty that’s in store for you.
SATIRE – Hollywood Actresses Warn That If Abortion Rights Are Taken Away, They Will Have To Pay For Expensive Nannies To Watch Their Kids While They Attend Award Shows
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 1:30pm EDTHOLLYWOOD HILLS, CA — Hollywood actresses are sounding the alarm over the undoing of Roe v. Wade, warning that if their right to abortion is stripped away they may have to hire expensive nannies to watch their unwanted children while they attend award shows.
SATIRE – Husband Picks Up A Few Steaks To Ruin For Dinner
The Babylon Bee - Jul 6th 2022 1:14pm EDTFALLBROOK, CA — Local husband and father Hank Parsons stopped by the grocery store today on the way home “to pick up a few steaks to ruin for dinner,” sources at the Parsons household confirmed.
SATIRE – Can You Spot All The Signs Of Racism In This Patriotic Picture?
The Babylon Bee - Jul 5th 2022 9:41pm EDTRacism is everywhere — especially on July 4th! To be a good anti-racist, you must train yourself to see racism everywhere and then loudly and obnoxiously point it out to everyone you meet.
SATIRE – ‘Land Of The Free!’ Cheers Local Man Who Pays 39% Of His Annual Income In Federal Taxes
The Babylon Bee - Jul 5th 2022 7:27pm EDTGURNEE, IL — Local man Bob Bean, who pays 39% of his income to the Federal Government, celebrated his status as a free man living in America this weekend.
