ITALY — With the election of right-wing candidate Giorgia Meloni as Italy’s first female Prime Minister, the Left has announced they no longer support strong, independent women.
ANAHEIM, CA — A local man is struggling to rid himself of his job despite ramping up his “quiet quitting” efforts over the last several weeks. Reports indicate that these challenges are likely the result of him being incredibly lazy at work from the very beginning.
GAINESVILLE, FL — Despite installing a new “Trinity Wishbone” offense during fall camp, PragerU has once again found itself dead last in the NCAA after a 94-0 drubbing at the hands of the Florida Gators.
U.S.A. — After careful consideration, America has decided that religious people can still be allowed in society, so long as they aren’t one of those psychos who actually believe their religion.
WACO, TX — The months-long drought in southern Texas has ended after local woman Stacy Ramage emptied all the water bottles from her nightstand into the water supply.
Stacey Abrams turned the medical world upside-down earlier this week with her revelation that heartbeats are a complete scam, concocted to trick women into thinking babies are alive. We here at the Bee have delved deep and uncovered even MORE heinous plots by the world’s men-folk aimed at deceiving women that babies are actually human. […]
MOSCOW — Military experts believe the Russian war effort may be in trouble after Vladimir Putin was seen attempting to teach polar bears how to drive tanks.
OMAHA, NE — Local man John Falco received the tragic news today from his doctor that all the things happening to his body are completely normal, he’s simply 40 years old now.
If you’ve ever wondered if you should leave a church, wonder no more – The Babylon Bee is here to help! Here are 10 solid, biblically-defensible excuses for leaving a church that’s not serving you enough:
EL PASO, CO — The U.S. Air Force has continued its initiative for a more inclusive, and gender-neutral military by removing all flight sticks from their planes — effective immediately.
WASHINGTON, DC — The expert codebreaking team at the NSA is working to decipher all the statements Biden made in his speech today, which the White House has promised to walk back as soon as they figure out what on earth he was saying.
WHEATLAND, MO — While camping in the woods, local woman Sandra Peppertree reportedly shared with a group of close friends that she “just loves s’mores” and “can’t get enough of them” leading to speculation that she has never tasted good food in her life.
WASHINGTON, DC — In an ingenious move commonly used by pet owners, White House staff members have announced that they will be fitting Joe Biden with a custom-made jingle bell collar that will make it easier for them to locate the wayward President when he wanders off aimlessly.
ATLANTA, GA. — While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.
MOBILE, AL — According to sources, local husband Brad Sanders has completely emptied the dishwasher without any prompting from his wife in hopes that she’ll be cool with him watching 19 hours of football this weekend.
YOSEMITE, CA — During a camping retreat this week to recharge for more rioting before, during, and after the midterm elections, a group of progressives sat around a campfire and enjoyed swapping scary stories about climate change.
ATLANTA, GA — A local couple is in shock today after a startling visit from Rightful Georgia Governor® Stacey Abrams. According to sources, the couple was listening to the heartbeat of their child on a sonogram for the very first time when Abrams burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man to inform them that […]
NASHVILLE, TN — Matt Walsh is once again stirring up controversy after he shared pictures of Nazi death camps on his Twitter account with the words “We must never let this kind of evil happen ever again.” Critics have called his social media posts a clear incitement to violence against Nazi people.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a White House press conference focused on clarifying every statement Biden has ever made, Press Secretary Jean-Pierre clarified that the official White House policy was the opposite of whatever President Biden says in interviews.
U.S. — Disney has chosen a bald actress to play Rapunzel in the upcoming live-action remake of Tangled. Director Guy Ritchie announced the casting at a press conference alongside Disney CEO Bob Chapek.
BOISE, ID — Despite the traditional sentiment that the fall season starts three weeks into the month of September, officials were quick to remind the populace that fall does not officially begin until Carol puts up her “It’s Fall Y’all” sign.
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — The top-secret military base Area 51 is being overrun by curious visitors this morning after former president Trump announced he had declassified the installation in his mind several years ago.
MIRAMAR, FL — Seeing the need to provide more affordable options for travelers affected by record inflation, Spirit Airlines has introduced a new bargain flight where they just launch you in a medieval catapult.
Are you a red-blooded American PATRIOT who loves God, guns, family, and freedom? Better watch out, the FBI probably thinks you’re a domestic terrorist! They could be watching you read this right now. They could be listening to your phone calls!
EGYPT — After enduring 10 horrible plagues that ravaged the kingdom due to his stubbornness and pride, Pharaoh proudly announced that plagues in Egypt are now down 100%.
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