News From David Cole

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  • Goodbye L.A.

    David Cole - Jun 11th 2026 1:03pm EDT

    This week’s post was going to be a lengthy, garment-rending, chest-thumping, dick-twisting, and depressing book update and meditation on death. But it can wait a week, because I’m sure y’all want something about the L.A. mayoral primary. In light of the “Mumbai Miracle” – poo-flinging Tamil communist Nithya Raman magically overtaking Spencer Pratt due to […]

  • The Vomit Cake Principle

    David Cole - May 15th 2026 2:04pm EDT

    Okay, let’s say there’s a cake you like. A cake you really like. It could be any type of cake, any flavor, so let’s just call it “TheCakeYouLike.” And there’s a bakery you go to because it does TheCakeYouLike to perfection. So you’ve been going there for years. And one day the bakery owner tells […]

  • Death Be Not Loud: Dave Sees a Corpse

    David Cole - May 7th 2026 9:00pm EDT

    Death and the Maid Service You guys know that I live on the road these days. I’m a nomad, I’m a drifter, I’m a rewards club sifter. Hotels is my life. And there’s this guy, an older gentleman, who lives in the room next to mine. Nice guy, quiet, not talkative in the least. Just […]

  • Yes, Violence Is Acceptable Against Speech

    David Cole - Apr 20th 2026 1:03pm EDT

    [NOTE: I realize that running two columns in as many days will earn me a bunch of unsubs. But yesterday’s David Spade piece was unplanned, and I can’t let 4/20 go by without a little something Nazi] Last week a 27-year-old gay Haitian Muslim Nazi named “Sneako” (over a million Nazi followers on X) was […]

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  • Sunday Funday: I Got Blocked by Nazi David Spade!

    David Cole - Apr 19th 2026 4:15pm EDT

    Hey folks, just a quick Sunday extra from ol’ Dave. Getting blocked by David Spade is the proudest moment in my life, even more so than my wedding day to ‘80s songstress Tanita Tikaram and the birth of our twins, Galápagus and Bündchen. So how did I get blocked by the twerp who birthed Eddie […]

  • Time Out for a Zombie Movie Review

    David Cole - Apr 10th 2026 2:04pm EDT

    Here’s something I’d wager my lungs on (they’re my only healthy organs): All you fuckers who are like “Yew’ve become a one-note scold, Cole. Why dontcha rite about somethin’ other than polytics?” are now going to unsub because I’m doing a movie review. “Ah don’t like mewvies, gyurkle-gyurk. Why dontcha rite about polytics?” Well eat […]

  • Why I Gave Up on the Right

    David Cole - Apr 7th 2026 2:01pm EDT

    From 2008 through 2013, I was a professional wrangler of rightists. To quote the well-known Guardian piece about me from May 2013, I was “a cerebral, fun-loving gadfly who hosted boozy gatherings for Hollywood’s political conservatives.” I “brought right-wing congressmen, celebrities, writers and entertainment industry figures together for shindigs, closed to outsiders, where they could […]

  • My Rejected Tablet Magazine Piece

    David Cole - Mar 21st 2026 3:32pm EDT

    You know what saddens me? I just don’t get the same amount of comments anymore. Oh, the readership numbers are fine, but not the comments. It used to be routine for my Substacks to get 100+ comments in the first week. But then I had to institute that “comments for paid subscribers only” thing, and […]

  • Dave’s Substack: White People Edition

    David Cole - Mar 16th 2026 4:48pm EDT

    I preferred whites before they got their big chance at one more dance with supremacy. I liked the whites of the the Obama Era – doe-eyed little sweety -pies who just wanted to end Affirmative Action. “We’re not the racist monsters the left paints us as! Gosh oh gollywickers, we love our friends of color. […]

  • MAGA Friendly Fire Batters Blonde

    David Cole - Mar 9th 2026 4:27pm EDT

    Note: My February Fund Drive may be over, but tips is always appreciated, Gummo. The links to donate will always be at the bottom. And maybe the top, too: Buy Me a Beer, GiveSendGo, PayPal. Ready for some follies? I have no idea why the second edition of Republican Party Animal isn’t available yet. I […]

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  • I Love You Jerks!

    David Cole - Mar 4th 2026 3:07pm EST

    Well, you assholes did it. After my previous post, you came through and ponied up, pushing me well past my fundraising goal. And your reward is no more whining from me. For a while. Thanks, folks. You’re the best douchebags any author could hope for. Along with owing you thanks, I certainly owe you content. […]

  • Two Days Away…

    David Cole - Feb 26th 2026 2:39pm EST

    In my last piece, I proffered a simple deal: If I can raise a meager $1,000 by March 1st, I stay and keep writing. If not, I skedaddle. Well, we haven’t quite made it. But I don’t want to be fatalistic about this…yet. Let’s see how the next two days play out. May I remind […]

  • Exploding Heads and Imploding Elons

    David Cole - Jan 12th 2026 6:48pm EST

    As promised, I’m just writing about movies now. Okay, one brief political aside. Last week Elon Musk retweeted a white supremacist who declared “White solidarity is the only way to survive” because “nonwhites” will “slaughter us.” Musk retweeted that adding 100%! If White men become a minority, we will be slaughtered. Remember, if non-Whites openly […]

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  • Requiescat 2025

    David Cole - Dec 31st 2025 2:49pm EST

    Fuck 2025 and all who sailed her. The year started with me getting Elephant Manned by an M&M, followed by the unbearable loss of K’eyush the Stunt Dog. Then the rat attack, and my decision to sell my house and relocate to a gibbon rescue compound in Comoros. 2025…I learned a lot. I learned that […]

  • Dave Solves the Case of the Bitcoin Nazi!

    David Cole - Dec 1st 2025 4:01pm EST

    The hulking Hispanic Bitcoin broker bore down on me with menace. Murder was in his eyes, and in his heart, hatred muy picante (with a side of guac). Would I make it out alive? Of course I would you idiots, or I wouldn’t be writing this. Okay, okay, I know last week I promised, “no […]

  • Hillelbilly Elegy

    David Cole - Nov 24th 2025 12:38pm EST

    Once per century, Nazis make a Jew do this… So yeah, I give up. You want Nazis, you got ‘em. The right has decided that the magical key to unending victory is Nazis. Time will tell. Well, not to you; time means nothing to you because you can’t process events that displease you. When Nazism […]

  • Does Jew-Hatred Win Elections for the Right?

    David Cole - Nov 12th 2025 6:30pm EST

    Why does Holocaust denial sell so well to the far-right? Why is the far-right so susceptible to it? Well, the obvious answer is that it’s an inherently anti-Jewish ideology; it paints Jews as the “fathers of the lie” who crafted a massive hoax to trick the world into seeing heroic Nazis as villains and villainous […]

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  • Walsh, Kelly, and the Gatekeepers of Hell

    David Cole - Nov 8th 2025 2:58pm EST

    Robert Barnes is a bald fat fuck. A self-appointed “lawyer for the damned” (and podcast host) whose biggest accomplishment was successfully representing Wesley Snipes against the IRS (“I got a jury to side with a popular movie star against the most hated government agency in history. I must be a GREAT attorney!”), Barnes is a […]

  • Ready for the Great Nazi Shift?

    David Cole - Nov 3rd 2025 5:00pm EST

    You guys know that I like keeping things light these days. Serious was for Takimag, and them days is over. But I’ll get a little uncharacteristically weighty this week…maybe I have something I need to get off my chest, maybe I just wanna be on record calling something as I did eight years ago when […]

  • Dave’s Annual Halloween Tradition!

    David Cole - Oct 30th 2025 2:54pm EDT

    No politics this week. After all, what would I write about? Tucker platforming Nick Fuentes? The difficulty of writing a book against Holocaust denial when the Tucker/Fuentes interview got 11 million views in less than 24 hours, mainstreaming Holocaust denial to an extent that I could never hope to combat with the boutique historical publishing […]

  • RIP Tucker Column

    David Cole - Oct 24th 2025 2:49pm EDT

    Remember, folks: it’s only $10 a year to leave a comment, a policy I enacted reluctantly to get rid of a spammer who kept creating dummy accounts when I’d ban him. Click here to subscribe! I couldn’t possibly have made it cost less. The column I’ve been teasing for several weeks now, the one explaining […]

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  • Newsom Gets Trump Half-Right, Rightists Get Themselves All Wrong

    David Cole - Oct 14th 2025 3:56pm EDT

    GOLDEN SHOWERING OUR OWN PARADE Observing the gibbon parade that is the current U.S. “right,” I’m struck by the frustratingly reliable talent of rightists to step on their own dicks. How can people with such tiny tadgers manage such a feat? Dickstomp I: Dense for the Defense Rightists had exactly what they wanted, and needed, […]

  • Milo Cocks His Gun (Correction: “Guns His Cock”)

    David Cole - Oct 3rd 2025 2:03pm EDT

    Experimenting with a new thing: a Friday wrap-up of the week’s wackiest. Let’s see how this flies with my 60 regular readers (wait…more unsubs? Make that 52). If I get at least $100 before next Friday via Buy Me a Beer or GiveSendGo, I’ll keep it going! So c’mon you merry 52. Step up! More […]

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  • Charlie, Candace, Tucker, Megyn, & You: Make It Make Sense

    David Cole - Sep 29th 2025 1:23pm EDT

    The MAGA mind is so byzantine yet simple, so fevered yet placid, so overloaded yet empty, it can be a chore to parse. How can a people be, at once, single cell organism-level obvious and also Chinaman-level inscrutable? Ah, the mysteries of MAGA. So help me out, okay? Because I require assistance slicing through this […]

  • Bonus Column: Poo Man Blues

    David Cole - Sep 26th 2025 1:46pm EDT

    Normally I only do one column a week, so consider this a bonus. Also, consider it a reminder that if you want to leave comments, you have to sign up for a paid subscription. It’s only $10 a year. I could not possibly have made it any cheaper. And it was a move necessitated by […]