News From David Cole, Page 15

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  • Race Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Genocide

    David Cole - Jun 15th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    There will, by necessity, be an element of self-indulgence in this week’s column. It’s not possible for me to broach this topic without invoking my own circumstances; my apologies in advance. Let’s start by acknowledging a simple fact: There is no black genocide in the U.S. Period. You can count the number of unarmed American […]

  • Race Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Genocide

    David Cole - Jun 15th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    There will, by necessity, be an element of self-indulgence in this week’s column. It’s not possible for me to broach this topic without invoking my own circumstances; my apologies in advance. Let’s start by acknowledging a simple fact: There is no black genocide in the U.S. Period. You can count the number of unarmed American […]

  • Can We Say No?

    David Cole - Jun 9th 2020 3:21am EDT

    Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the most important Irishman in the world! To be honest, I don’t know much about him. My knowledge of Irish politics can fit in a leprechaun’s jockstrap with room to spare. So when I speak of Justin Barrett, I’m speaking with complete ignorance regarding what kind of man he is. Is […]

  • Can We Say No?

    David Cole - Jun 9th 2020 3:21am EDT

    Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the most important Irishman in the world! To be honest, I don’t know much about him. My knowledge of Irish politics can fit in a leprechaun’s jockstrap with room to spare. So when I speak of Justin Barrett, I’m speaking with complete ignorance regarding what kind of man he is. Is […]

  • A Lockdown Line in the Sand

    David Cole - May 25th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    In May 1940, Hitler and Himmler were having one of their little slumber-party bull sessions, exchanging gossipy notes like schoolgirls. Himmler gave his Führer a memo titled “Treatment of Alien Races in the East” (“like, errmagerd, those Kashubs are so gross!”). The gist of the memo was that under German control, the ethnic minorities of […]

  • The Divine Black Jogger in Us All

    David Cole - May 19th 2020 3:22am EDT

    Journalists never accept gray areas where race is concerned. Flawed black men never get shot; there’s never an apportionment of blame. If a white kills a black, it’s always Hitler vs. Jesus. Why does Ahmaud Arbery have to be an “innocent jogger” when it’s clear he was anything but? The case would still raise the […]

  • Trump’s Wuhan WMDs (This’ll End Well)

    David Cole - May 11th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    If you disagree with the theory that Covid was Frankensteined in a Wuhan lab, you’re a Holocaust denier. And America First “nationalists” should spend their time fighting for the freedom of the Chinese people. So says one of the right’s leading “populists.” Welcome to this week in MAGA glue-sniffing. Remember 9/11? I certainly do. I […]

  • The Hunt for Dystopia D’NaeNae

    David Cole - May 4th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    In one of 2020’s finest ironies, most of us spent the 75th anniversary of Hitler’s death confined to our own personal bunkers, hiding from a malevolent menace from the East. The Führer’s posthumous revenge for all those Downfall parody videos. In the month before the lockdown, I’d been working on a true-crime story about an […]

  • FrankenCovid Conquers the Right

    David Cole - Apr 28th 2020 5:14am EDT

    I call it “FrankenCovid”—the theory that Covid-19 was created by scientists in a Wuhan lab and released either on purpose or by accident. Adherents hold that the proven sequence of events that led to SARS and MERS (bat to intermediary to human) is, for unexplained reasons, not the path taken by Covid, even though scientists […]

  • The “Science” of Caging a Compliant Majority

    David Cole - Apr 21st 2020 3:08am EDT

    In late February, a seven-year legal battle finally reached its conclusion, but nobody noticed. It should have been a big story, but it was eclipsed by the Chinese viral apocalypse. Which is ironic, because even though, at first glance, the legal battle in question has absolutely nothing to do with COVID, thematically, it’s surprisingly relevant. […]

  • They’ll Snuff Your Life to End Their “Stigma”

    David Cole - Apr 14th 2020 2:06am EDT

    “Stop the coronavirus stigma now!” So screamed the so-called “science” journal Nature on April 7. COVID-19 must not be “associated with Wuhan or China.” Even though COVID is the product of uniquely Chinese customs and practices, and even though COVID only occurred because the Chinese didn’t curb those customs and practices after they gave the […]

  • Wuhan Derangement Syndrome

    David Cole - Apr 7th 2020 4:03am EDT

    “How can we not be united against death?” So wailed emotive carbuncle Keith Olbermann back in 2009. He was off on some typically nutty rant about single-payer health care, but still, it was a nicely turned phrase. “How can we not be united against death?” Or more to the point, how can we not be […]

  • Speak the Truth, Shame the Chinese

    David Cole - Mar 31st 2020 4:58am EDT

    Well, I’ll be damned; the Chinese are now encouraging “cultural appropriation”! After telling whites that they can’t cook “Asian” food or open “Asian” restaurants or wear “Asian” clothes, because everything that comes from Asia belongs to Asians only, the Chinese are now willingly surrendering credit for the COVID-19 virus, even though it came from China […]

  • Locked Down in Third World California

    David Cole - Mar 23rd 2020 8:01pm EDT

    As I type these words, Californians are under a mandatory “stay at home” edict issued by the Patrick Bateman cosplayer in our statehouse. Any Californian caught leaving his, her, its, or zir home for “nonessential” reasons is subject to fine or imprisonment. Yes, the state that removed criminal penalties for knowingly giving someone AIDS has […]

  • The Chinks in Our Armor

    David Cole - Mar 16th 2020 8:00pm EDT

    Dear Coronavirus, If you can spare a few minutes from killing Chinese and the elderly, could you please have a go at the morons in my neighborhood who were swarming the grocery store at 6 a.m. yesterday cleaning out the toilet paper and water? If you could thin that herd, I’d greatly appreciate it. Sincerely, […]

  • Get Big Hitler Out of Politics!

    David Cole - Mar 10th 2020 3:50am EDT

    “Get big money out of politics.” So screams Bernie Sanders’ campaign website. Elizabeth Warren has her own iteration of the phrase, as have many politicians, even some Republicans. But as worrisome as “Big Money” can be in American politics, I’m a bit more concerned about “Big Hitler.” Why can’t we keep Hitler out of our […]

  • Ruth Bader Ginsburg Approves of Caging Kids…if They’re White

    David Cole - Mar 2nd 2020 7:01pm EST

    Excuse me, but I was promised concentration camps. In 2016, leftists told us that Trump, if elected, would build a network of Nazi death camps. And what did we get instead? A few measly “kids in cages.” Worse, those damn border detention center cages aren’t even Trump’s; they’re Obama’s. And now, thanks to the ceaselessly […]

  • “Party of Lincoln” Assassinates Itself

    David Cole - Feb 25th 2020 2:48am EST

    Man, have we got a bunch of dullards on the “mainstream” right. Michael Bloomberg’s old speeches and interviews about the realities of race, crime, and law enforcement are spot-on. And how do our Conservative Inc. mouthpieces respond? They join forces with Black Lives Matter to scream, “Bloomberg’s a racist!” I’ve picked on Tim Young before; […]

  • The Great Shoe Wars

    David Cole - Feb 18th 2020 2:03am EST

    This is not going to be another coronavirus column. Yes, the disease we’ve been saddled with thanks to the Dagwood Bumsteads of China will make an appearance later on. But let’s start by rolling the clock back—way back—to a time long past, a disease long forgotten, and a lesson about footwear. If you get your […]

  • As Goes the Holocaust, So Goes the West

    David Cole - Feb 10th 2020 7:00pm EST

    When did we become so deathly afraid of speech? And why is it oddly appropriate that the recent 75th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz coincides with ramped-up efforts to curb free-speech rights in the U.S.? Let’s use a fake Indian as a scout to begin our journey toward the answer. Last week, Elizabeth Warren […]

  • Crazy Rich Asians Will Kill Us All

    David Cole - Feb 4th 2020 3:59am EST

    There’s a quote I’m sure you’ve heard, and it’s usually attributed to Einstein (although he was far from the first to say it, and even he said it different ways at different times): “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought. I know only this: World War IV will be fought […]

  • Bleeding Hearts and Bloody Whores

    David Cole - Jan 28th 2020 5:01am EST

    I’ll begin this week’s sermon, I mean column, with the Parable of the Hemorrhaging Mexican Whore. I used to have this friend—I won’t say his name because he’s an actor and you’d know him—who loved driving down to Tijuana to avail himself of the brothels. Man oh man, did this guy love the TJ hookers. […]

  • “Chaotic Diversity” in My Backyard

    David Cole - Jan 21st 2020 3:31am EST

    As the Jewish kid strolled up my walkway and slipped a flyer under my door, I had two thoughts: This is gonna be trouble, and I really need to get that gap under my door fixed. The flyer informed me that I had just been liberated from the oppression of my neighborhood’s zoning regulations. I […]

  • The Unsalvageables

    David Cole - Jan 14th 2020 4:08am EST

    This week’s column starts in a Georgia ghetto, and ends in the Middle East. Some of you might remember Anthony Stokes. He was a 15-year-old DeKalb County, Ga., hood rat with a bum ticker who kept getting passed over for a heart transplant because of his “high risk” lifestyle, which included burglary, weapons charges, arson, […]

  • Suicide (Final) Solution

    David Cole - Jan 7th 2020 4:33am EST

    In April 1936, Ambassador William Bullitt relayed an urgent message to Washington: “Enough with the Jews already.” I’m slightly paraphrasing. Bill Bullitt was one of the most fascinating and influential figures in American foreign policy in the first half of the 20th century. Bullitt was born into blue-blooded Philly aristocracy. Daddy was old gentile money, […]