9 Changes Disney Is Bringing To ‘The Chosen’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 6:20pm EDTThe official announcement that the popular biblical drama The Chosen will begin streaming on Disney+ elicited a mixed fan response, with some viewers wondering what types of changes Disney might make to the show.
Mark Hamill Joins Death Star Press Conference To Say What A Good Job He Thinks The Emperor Is Doing (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 5:11pm EDTDEATH STAR — Viewers of the Imperial News Network were stunned today, as Mark Hamill joined a Death Star press conference to say what a good job he thinks the Emperor is doing.
10 Ways To Beat The Fascist Police Coming To Arrest You For Supporting Palestine (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 4:18pm EDTThe fascist police state is coming to arrest you for supporting Palestine and for no other reason than that. What will you do, comrade?
‘I’ve Never Felt So Alive,’ Thinks Police Officer While Clotheslining Communist Ivy League Student (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 3:23pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — After weeks of dealing with unruly and aggravated protestors, a Los Angeles police officer finally felt moments of real joy and euphoria as a line of commie UCLA students charged him with garbage can shields.
James O’Keefe Dresses Up As Karl Marx To Go Undercover With College Encampment (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 1:50pm EDTNEW YORK — According to sources, noted guerrilla journalist and founder of Project Veritas James O’Keefe successfully infiltrated the protest encampment at Columbia University while disguised as the late Karl Marx.
‘It’s Not The Breed, It’s The Owner,’ Says Man Being Swallowed By Shai-Hulud, Great Maker Of The Desert (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 3rd 2024 1:17pm EDTARRAKIS — A low rumble reverberated through the ground and the sands began to shift as a colossal sandworm of the desert emerged to swallow up another advocate for the legal ownership of sandworms.
Doctor Reminds You To Arrive Early So You Can Wait Even Longer (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 2:25pm EDTU.S. — In a helpful message regarding your upcoming appointment, your doctor has reminded you to be sure that you arrive early so you can wait even longer.
Congressional Democrats Demand $40 Billion For UCLA Protest Border Security (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 2:22pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — A legislative stalemate appeared to be brewing on Capitol Hill as congressional Democrats put forth a resolution that demanded $40 billion to pay for UCLA student protest border security.
Immigration Crisis Ended As Frat Boys Deployed To Guard Southern Border (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 2:20pm EDTUNITED STATES — The immigration crisis appears to be finally over after the Department of Homeland Security deployed a crack regiment of fraternity brothers to guard the southern border.
Missionaries Travel From Africa To Bring The Gospel To United Methodist Church (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 2:13pm EDTU.S. — A group of devout Christian missionaries has arrived all the way from Africa to reach the United Methodist Church and tell them about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Boeing Sadly Announces Whistleblower Shot Self In Back While Falling Off Skyscraper Directly Into Wood Chipper While Wearing Cement Shoes (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 1:49pm EDTARLINGTON, VA — In a press conference held this morning, Boeing sadly announced that a whistleblower had shot himself in the back while falling off a skyscraper directly into a wood chipper while wearing cement shoes.
37-Year Old Man Suddenly Remembers That He’s Supposed To Be Worrying About The Hole In The Ozone Layer (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 1:20pm EDTLINDALE, TX — Brandon Morris, a 37-year-old Texas native, became distracted from his work Thursday after suddenly remembering he was supposed to be worrying about the hole in the ozone layer.
Moments From Victory Against Democrats, Republicans Decide To Start Attacking First Amendment (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 2nd 2024 11:43am EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — With Democrats across the country embroiled in vicious infighting, antisemitism, and takeovers of college campuses, Republicans have decided to remedy their impending victory by attacking the First Amendment.
Doctor Points On MRI To Part Of Man’s Brain Where ‘Seinfeld’ Bass Riff Has Been Playing For Over Two Decades (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 5:12pm EDTGRANDVIEW, MO — A patient’s lingering questions were finally answered today, as a doctor pointed out on an MRI scan to the part of the man’s brain where the Seinfeld bass riff has been playing for over two decades.
9 Reasonable Demands From Students Occupying Campus Buildings (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 4:43pm EDTMuch has been made about the student protesters occupying spaces on college campuses recently — but what do these masked, wanna-be revolutionaries actually want? The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of completely reasonable demands being made by students occupying campus buildings:
1Baby Patiently Waiting Until Fully Strapped In Car Seat To Unleash Diaper Apocalypse (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 2:43pm EDTRUIDOSO, NM — Local baby Oliver Daniels patiently waited to be completely strapped in his car seat before unleashing Armageddon in his diaper.
King Solomon Dies Of Old Age Waiting For 700 Wives To Decide On Restaurant (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 2:33pm EDTJERUSALEM — Sad news emerged from the royal palace today, as it was announced that King Solomon had died of old age while waiting for his 700 wives to decide on which restaurant to go to for dinner.
American Flag Defended By Frat Boy Heroes Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, And Dylan (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 2:02pm EDTCHAPEL HILL, NC — The American flag was defended from crazed protesters by a group of University of North Carolina fraternity brothers who have now been identified as Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan.
TRAGEDY: AOC Announces She Was Killed During NYPD Raid At Columbia And Is Dead Once More (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 1:12pm EDTNEW YORK — Congressional Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was tragically killed Tuesday night during a police raid at Columbia University in which hundreds of pro-Palestinian protesters were arrested.
New Study Finds Most Effective Treatment For Depression Watching Scrawny Libs Get Absolutely Manhandled By Police (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 12:45pm EDTU.S. — Advancements in ways to counter anxiety about the state of the country had experts encouraged, as a new study found the most effective treatment for depression to be watching scrawny libs getting absolutely manhandled by police.
History Repeats Itself As Communists Run Out Of Food (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - May 1st 2024 12:31pm EDTCOLUMBIA UNIVERSITY — In a shocking turn of events that nobody could have predicted, communists have once again run out of food. The commies at Columbia University lasted less than twelve hours before running out of food and pleading for humanitarian aid, setting a new record for the collapse of communist food supply.
8 Highly Effective Ways To Remove Protesters From Your Campus (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 30th 2024 7:35pm EDTIf you’re part of the administration of a major university, what you’ve seen on the news may have you feeling rather frightened. Say, for the sake of discussion, a large group of unruly students sets up an autonomous zone on campus and refuses to vacate. What can you do?
UCLA Replaces Student IDs With New Fashionable Identifying Armbands (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 30th 2024 6:20pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — In a new initiative to streamline the school’s identification process, UCLA announced it would be replacing previous student IDs with new fashionable identifying armbands.
‘I Like Coldplay,’ Man Says In Powerful Coming Out Speech (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 30th 2024 5:04pm EDTKANSAS CITY, MO — Local man Dave Barrett let friends and family know he was totally gay by announcing he loves the band Coldplay.
Church Leaders Get Russell Brand Up To Speed On Christian Theology With ‘VeggieTales’ Marathon (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Apr 30th 2024 3:09pm EDTLONDON — In an attempt to lay a solid biblical foundation following his recent baptism, church leaders worked to get Russell Brand up to speed on Christian theology by sitting him down for a VeggieTales marathon.