PINE CITY, NY — Following the public outcry about the state’s Department of Environmental Conservation raiding a local man’s home and euthanizing his pet squirrel who had hundreds of thousands of social media followers, New York authorities announced Peanut the squirrel had died of COVID-19.
U.S. — On the eve of a hotly contested presidential election, top Democrats warned the American people that if Trump is elected, it would likely be the end of bureaucracy as we know it.
U.S. — Hundreds of thousands of women across America were left standing utterly clueless as to what to do at a voting booth after their husbands failed to tell them who to vote for.
U.S. — What was expected to be a close Presidential election is now projected to be a 50-state landslide for Trump after the former President showed up to a rally in a squirrel costume.
U.S. — What was expected to be a close Presidential election is now projected to be a 50-state landslide for Trump after the former President showed up to a rally in a squirrel costume.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the electoral clock ticking down, the Harris campaign called President Joe Biden to ask him to please, please head to Antarctica.
U.S. — After government authorities seized and executed the beloved squirrel known as “Peanut”, squirrels across America donned tiny MAGA hats and launched a mass uprising.
ATLANTA, GA — Local dad Brad O’Malley reportedly disappointed his young children this morning by informing them that the results of his inspection of their Halloween candy may be delayed for up to two weeks.
Trump is on the verge of seizing power once again and becoming Hitler a second time. He will be banning all the things that our forefathers fought for: life, liberty, and the right to unlimited abortions.
LAS VEGAS, NV — Voters on the fence about where to place their trust in the upcoming presidential election breathed a sigh of relief last night, as Diddy’s ex-girlfriend urged all Americans to trust her judgment.
ROGERS, AR — Nearing the end of what has been a whirlwind election season, one candidate in a race won over what could potentially be the deciding vote, as a 453rd election mailer changed a local man’s mind.
LOS ANGELES, CA — In yet another inspiring act of heroic bravery, the Avengers assembled in a Zoom call to save the world by endorsing their preferred candidate Thanos.
U.S. — With Americans participating in early voting in record numbers and millions more preparing to head to the polls on Tuesday, the nation anxiously waited to see which side would be denying election results.
U.S. — A special edition of the Amazon Echo was announced today featuring a brand new “Kamalexa” A.I. voice. Based on current Vice President Kamala Harris, the smart device responds to your questions in long, incoherent sentences, and is explicitly programmed to never actually give you any answers.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a last-ditch attempt to keep him occupied and out of trouble until after the election, White House aides have reportedly given Biden a tablet to watch “Cocomelon” and a carton of Goldfish.
If you’re a regular American who heard President Joe Biden refer to a huge swathe of the population as “garbage” the other day, you may be wondering to yourself: “Am I a garbage?”
NEW YORK, NY — The 2024 Major League Baseball season ended in historic fashion, as the New York Yankees successfully defeated the New York Yankees in the World Series.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Out of an abundance of caution, the White House confirmed Thursday that President Joe Biden had been fitted with a muzzle to prevent him from biting any more babies. This comes one day after a bizarre incident in which the president bit several babies at a White House Halloween event.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A pair of local parents were in for a shock Halloween night after discovering a stray piece of candy in their child’s bag of needles.
ST. PAUL, MN — Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz disappointed trick-or-treaters at his door this year by handing them tampons instead of the traditional candy.
U.S. — In a huge boost for the Trump campaign coming into the final week, garbage bag company Hefty announced they will officially be endorsing former President Trump.
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