The Babylon Bee – Page 14

Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 16th 2025 1:22pm EST
WESTMINSTER, CO — According to sources, a so-called “Zoomer” is actually low-key trying hard at life and caring about things. Totally cringe. Whatever.
Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 16th 2025 1:22pm EST
WESTMINSTER, CO — According to sources, a so-called “Zoomer” is actually low-key trying hard at life and caring about things. Totally cringe. Whatever.
Miss Rachel Apologizes For Poorly Timed ‘J Is For Jihad’ Episode (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 16th 2025 12:13pm EST
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Popular kids’ entertainment mogul Miss Rachel apologized this week for releasing what many are calling a poorly timed video titled “J Is For Jihad.”
Nation’s Worship Leaders To Honor Rob Reiner By Turning Guitars Up To 11 (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 5:11pm EST
U.S. — In a heartfelt showing of remembrance for the renowned director of This Is Spinal Tap, the nation’s worship leaders collectively announced plans to honor Rob Reiner by turning their guitars up to 11.
Nation’s Worship Leaders To Honor Rob Reiner By Turning Guitars Up To 11 (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 5:11pm EST
U.S. — In a heartfelt showing of remembrance for the renowned director of This Is Spinal Tap, the nation’s worship leaders collectively announced plans to honor Rob Reiner by turning their guitars up to 11.
After Being Charged With Multiple Felonies, Former Michigan Coach Sherrone Moore Forced To Move To NFL (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 3:07pm EST
LAS VEGAS, NV — What was thought of up until recently as a promising college football coaching career took a sad turn this week, as after being charged with multiple felonies, former University of Michigan coach Sherrone Moore was forced to move to the NFL.
Democrats Warn That Ban On Islamic Immigration May Delay Global Intifada (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 3:03pm EST
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An executive order banning immigration from several Muslim-majority countries compelled Democratic lawmakers to voice concerns that this may delay the global intifada.
Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 1:31pm EST
NEW YORK, NY — The leader of America’s most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani’s aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the Australian Islamic terror attack.
Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 1:31pm EST
NEW YORK, NY — The leader of America’s most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani’s aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the Australian Islamic terror attack.
Kid Who Didn’t Practice For Christmas Choir Immediately Obvious (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 1:28pm EST
FLINT, MI — Parishioners of St. John’s Lutheran Church say it was immediately obvious which kid didn’t practice for the children’s Christmas choir this year.
Australian Man Who Wrestled Gun Away From Terrorist Charged With Unlawful Firearm Possession (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 15th 2025 12:55pm EST
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — A heroic man who bravely wrestled away a rifle from an Islamic terrorist during the deadly shooting at Bondi Beach on Sunday has been formally charged with the unlawful possession of a firearm.
To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 14th 2025 6:23pm EST
MELBOURNE — To stem the growing tide of violence against Jewish citizens, the Australian government has moved to officially ban the celebration of Hanukkah.
FAKE NEWS: Media Reports Mass Shooting In Australia But That’s Impossible Because Guns Are Illegal There (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 14th 2025 3:30pm EST
WORLD — Fake news media across the globe have reported that a mass shooting occurred in Australia, which is literally impossible because guns are illegal there.
Sick Husband Taken Care Of By Sicker Wife (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 13th 2025 5:57pm EST
RICHMOND, KY — Local husband Kevin Manthei fell ill over the weekend, requiring constant care and attention from his wife Bethany, who is currently much more ill.
Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 13th 2025 12:56pm EST
U.S. — Podcaster and amateur sleuth Candace Owens has vowed to honor Charlie Kirk’s legacy by doing everything in her power to destroy it.
Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 13th 2025 12:56pm EST
U.S. — Podcaster and amateur sleuth Candace Owens has vowed to honor Charlie Kirk’s legacy by doing everything in her power to destroy it.
12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than ‘Monopoly’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 3:03pm EST
Countless families have been destroyed by games of Monopoly gone awry. Don’t let that happen to you.
12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than ‘Monopoly’ (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 3:03pm EST
Countless families have been destroyed by games of Monopoly gone awry. Don’t let that happen to you.
Trump Advice for Families Struggling This Christmas: Your Kids Are Bad So Maybe They Don’t Deserve Presents (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 2:30pm EST
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has just one message for American families struggling economically this Christmas: “Your kids are bad, so maybe they don’t deserve presidents.”
Reminder: Santa Wants Gluten In His Cookies (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 2:08pm EST
U.S. — As Christmas Eve approaches, decorations adorn the tree, and bands of carolers prepare to roam the streets, an urgent message arrived from the North Pole to remind everyone not to forget that Santa Claus wants gluten in his cookies.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 2:06pm EST
ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer Disney vacation.
Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 2:06pm EST
ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer Disney vacation.
Jesus Kinda Bummed He Was Born On December 25 And Now His Birthday Will Be Overshadowed By Christmas Every Year (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 1:38pm EST
CAPERNAUM — Reports surfaced this week that carpenter-turned-traveling teacher Jesus of Nazareth expressed disappointment with having to share a birthday with the biggest holiday of the year.
California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 1:25pm EST
PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — Bucking years of tradition, a family new to the California area had failed to build a single gingerbread house this Christmas season due to a backlog at the permit office.
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Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift (Satire)
The Babylon Bee - Dec 12th 2025 1:21pm EST
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump expressed concern that his wife, Melania, may now be aware of what he got her for Christmas after news reports surfaced that the U.S. military had seized a Venezuelan oil tanker this week.

News From The Babylon Bee, Page 14

Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things (Satire)

Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things (Satire)

Miss Rachel Apologizes For Poorly Timed ‘J Is For Jihad’ Episode (Satire)

Nation’s Worship Leaders To Honor Rob Reiner By Turning Guitars Up To 11 (Satire)

Nation’s Worship Leaders To Honor Rob Reiner By Turning Guitars Up To 11 (Satire)

After Being Charged With Multiple Felonies, Former Michigan Coach Sherrone Moore Forced To Move To NFL (Satire)

Democrats Warn That Ban On Islamic Immigration May Delay Global Intifada (Satire)

Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack (Satire)

Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack (Satire)

Kid Who Didn’t Practice For Christmas Choir Immediately Obvious (Satire)

Australian Man Who Wrestled Gun Away From Terrorist Charged With Unlawful Firearm Possession (Satire)

To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah (Satire)

FAKE NEWS: Media Reports Mass Shooting In Australia But That’s Impossible Because Guns Are Illegal There (Satire)

Sick Husband Taken Care Of By Sicker Wife (Satire)

Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It (Satire)

Candace Owens Honors Charlie Kirk’s Legacy By Doing Everything In Her Power To Destroy It (Satire)

12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than ‘Monopoly’ (Satire)

12 Fun Activities That Are Less Likely To Destroy Your Family Than ‘Monopoly’ (Satire)

Trump Advice for Families Struggling This Christmas: Your Kids Are Bad So Maybe They Don’t Deserve Presents (Satire)

Reminder: Santa Wants Gluten In His Cookies (Satire)

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation (Satire)

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Uses Frequent Flyer Miles To Take Killer Disney Vacation (Satire)

Jesus Kinda Bummed He Was Born On December 25 And Now His Birthday Will Be Overshadowed By Christmas Every Year (Satire)

California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House (Satire)

Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift (Satire)

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