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News From The Babylon Bee, Page 13

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  • Guy In Front Of You In Gas Station Line Buying Lotto Tickets, Cigarettes, Applying For Home Mortgage Loan (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 10th 2025 3:43pm EDT

    BOISE, ID — According to sources, the guy standing in front of you at the gas station right now is buying lotto tickets, cigarettes, and also applying for a home mortgage loan.

  • Trump Retaliates For Peace Prize Snub With Picture Of The Nobel Committee In Sombreros (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 10th 2025 3:17pm EDT

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Even one of the most revered institutions in the world found out that it was not immune to being trolled by the leader of the free world, as President Donald Trump retaliated for his peace prize snub with a picture of the Nobel Committee wearing sombreros.

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  • Letitia James Smooths Things Over By Sending Trump Heartfelt ‘Sorry I Maliciously Prosecuted You’ Card (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 10th 2025 2:54pm EDT

    NEW YORK, NY — Sources said the indicted New York attorney general held out hope that she could ease her combative relationship with the president, as Letitia James attempted to smooth things over by sending Trump a heartfelt “Sorry I Maliciously Prosecuted You” card.

  • Too Far? Trump Constructs ‘Dungeon Of Torment’ For Presidents To Punish Their Political Enemies (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 10th 2025 2:48pm EDT

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns over President Trump’s ethics were raised this week ordered the construction of a Dungeon of Torment for his political enemies, causing many to question: Is the president perhaps going too far?

  • NFL Bows To Pressure, Will Have Jordan Peterson Do Halftime Show Instead (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 10th 2025 1:21pm EDT

    NEW YORK, NY — Due to overwhelming pressure, the National Football League announced that it had canceled plans for rapper Bad Bunny to perform at the Super Bowl LX halftime show and instead offered the coveted spot to psychologist and author Dr. Jordan B. Peterson.

  • Trump Brokers Historic Peace Deal Between Yankees And Red Sox Fans (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2025 5:30pm EDT

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the peace agreement between Israel and Hamas tentatively settled, President Donald Trump reportedly set his sights on quelling the longstanding unrest between Yankees and Red Sox fans.

  • Greta Thunberg Awarded Nobel Prize For Ending The War In Gaza (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2025 4:56pm EDT

    OSLO — The Nobel Committee announced that it had officially chosen Greta Thunberg to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for her pivotal role in bringing an end to the war in Gaza.

  • 10 Demands Hamas Is Making In The Peace Deal (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2025 2:43pm EDT

    President Trump may have finally achieved what many long thought impossible, as Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace agreement, but this ceasefire didn’t come without conditions from Hamas.

  • ‘Why Am I So Depressed?’ Says Wife Who Listens To 8 Hours Of Murder Podcasts A Day (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2025 1:24pm EDT

    WAUKEE, IA — Local suburban housewife Keightlyynn Huxley reported today that an unusual cloud of depression has been following her around lately, and she can’t explain why.

  • Hitler Brings Peace To Israel (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 9th 2025 12:39pm EDT

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that experts said could change the course of geopolitics for the foreseeable future, Hitler announced a historic agreement that would bring lasting peace to Israel.

  • Authorities Warn Katie Porter Has Grown To 600 Feet And Is Currently Rampaging Through San Francisco (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 4:51pm EDT

    SAN FRANCISCO – The National Guard has been called to California’s Golden City to neutralize a 600-foot-tall Katie Porter, who is apparently rampaging her way through San Francisco.

  • Is Your Wife Overdoing The Halloween Decorations? Look For These Signs (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 4:24pm EDT

    Has your wife crossed the line from fun Halloween decorations to total psychopathy? Look for the signs below that she’s overdone it:

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  • 8 Clever Ways To Keep Your Wife Warm This Winter (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 3:19pm EDT

    The seasons are a-changing, and your darling wife is already shivering as temperatures drop into the 70s. With winter approaching, here are eight clever ways to actually keep your wife warm:

  • Mohammed Upset As Democrats Keep Calling Islam A Religion Of Peace (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 2:44pm EDT

    HELL — The founder of Islam expressed continued frustration with Democrats on Wednesday, calling them out for referring to Islam as a “religion of peace.”

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  • Compromise: Trump Agrees To Designate Chicago Mayor’s House ‘ICE-Free Zone’ (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 1:48pm EDT

    CHICAGO, IL – President Trump has graciously agreed to compromise with Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson, allowing for designation of an “ICE-free zone” in the Mayor’s house.

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  • In Honor Of October 7, Mamdani Paraglides Into Campaign Event (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 1:07pm EDT

    NEW YORK CITY — New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani paraglided into his campaign event today in honor of October 7th and the horrific atrocities committed by Hamas that day.

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  • James Comey Produces Letter Signed By 51 Former Intelligence Officials Saying He’s Totally Innocent (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 1:00pm EDT

    ALEXANDRIA, VA — At his arraignment on charges of making false statements and obstruction, former FBI Director James Comey produced a letter signed by 51 former intelligence officials testifying to the fact that he’s totally innocent.

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  • Embarrassed Jay Jones Realizes He’s Only Supposed To Want To Murder Kids Before They’re Born (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 8th 2025 12:48pm EDT

    ARLINGTON, VA — An embarrassed Jay Jones realized earlier this week that he was only supposed to support murdering kids before they were born, not after.

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  • Governor Pritzker Activates 100 Battalions Of Illegal Immigrants In War Against ICE (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 5:39pm EDT

    SPRINGFIELD, IL — Seeking to ramp up his opposition force against the invasion of federal agents seeking to enforce the law, Governor JB Pritzker activated 100 battalions of illegal immigrants in Illinois’s war against ICE.

  • Governor Pritzker Activates 100 Battalions Of Illegal Immigrants In War Against ICE (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 5:39pm EDT

    SPRINGFIELD, IL — Seeking to ramp up his opposition force against the invasion of federal agents seeking to enforce the law, Governor JB Pritzker activated 100 battalions of illegal immigrants in Illinois’s war against ICE.

  • Governor Pritzker Activates 100 Battalions Of Illegal Immigrants In War Against ICE (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 5:39pm EDT

    SPRINGFIELD, IL — Seeking to ramp up his opposition force against the invasion of federal agents seeking to enforce the law, Governor JB Pritzker activated 100 battalions of illegal immigrants in Illinois’s war against ICE.

  • Governor Pritzker Activates 100 Battalions Of Illegal Immigrants In War Against ICE (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 5:39pm EDT

    SPRINGFIELD, IL — Seeking to ramp up his opposition force against the invasion of federal agents seeking to enforce the law, Governor JB Pritzker activated 100 battalions of illegal immigrants in Illinois’s war against ICE.

  • 20 Christ Metaphors In Video Games (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 5:06pm EDT

    Video games have a reputation for violence and novelty, but they can actually be quite Christ-focused. Just consider these top 20 Christ metaphors in video games:

  • Wife Decides To Ask Question To 10,000 Random Strangers On Facebook Rather Than Googling It (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 4:43pm EDT

    FRANKLIN, KY — A strange phenomenon was observed in a local household this week, as a husband noticed that his wife again decided to ask a question to 10,000 random strangers on Facebook rather than just googling it to get the right answer.

  • With Government Shutdown Closing National Parks, Moose Forced to Find New Jobs (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Oct 7th 2025 3:51pm EDT

    GRAND TETONS, WA — In a tragic displacement caused by the ongoing government shutdown of National Parks, moose across the country have been forced to find new jobs.

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