SATIRE – Study Finds 100% Of Work Meetings Ever Held In Human History Have Been Entirely Unnecessary
The Babylon Bee - Jul 12th 2022 11:46am EDTPROVIDENCE, RI — According to the results of a new study conducted by Brown University, exactly 100% of work meetings ever held in all of human history, across all industries and sectors, have been entirely unnecessary.
SATIRE – Elon Musk Unveils The Tesla Model H Homeschooler Van That Will Fit All His Kids
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 7:49pm EDTAUSTIN, TX — Tesla, Inc. added a van to its lineup of popular electric vehicles Monday with the unveiling of the new Model H. The full-size van, also known as The Homeschooler, is capable of fitting all nine of Elon Musk’s children inside without sacrificing comfort.
SATIRE – Dad’s Top 10 (And Totally Safe) Summer Activities For Kids
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SATIRE – Trump The White Returns At Dawn On The Fifth Day With Army Of Dutch Farmers And Canadian Truckers
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 5:31pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — America was saved in the face of overwhelming odds when former President Trump returned as Trump the White at first light Monday to drain the swamp, finally making good on a campaign promise from days of old. He was joined by Dutch farmers, Canadian truckers, and those who would carry the banner […]
SATIRE – 12 Most Shocking Revelations From Hunter Biden’s Laptop
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 4:57pm EDTThe entire contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, iphone, and ipad have been leaked to the public. How embarrassing! The Babylon Bee team spent all night scrolling through 4chan threads last night and we checked into therapy this morning.
SATIRE – Office Buzz: A Coffee Break In Ruins
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 4:17pm EDTOur Keurig imitation coffee machine was in shambles this morning. Someone didn’t refill the water and they left an old discarded k-cup inside. Gross!
SATIRE – Janitor Knocks On Door And Asks Jan 6 Committee To Wrap It Up As Another Group Has The Room Reserved At 5
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 2:02pm EDTWASHINGTON — The January 6th hearings ended early last week when a custodian knocked on the door before poking his head in to request that the January 6th Committee clear out for the next group on the schedule.
SATIRE – Ron DeSantis Runs Ad In California Asking Libs Not To Move To Florida
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 1:17pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — Governor Ron Desantis has responded to Governor Gavin Newsom’s political ads in Florida by running political ads of his own in California. While Newsom’s ads were urging libs to move to California, Desantis is begging the libs in California to stay put.
SATIRE – Senator Warren Leaps Out Just In Time To Swat Prenatal Vitamins Away From Woman Leaving Pregnancy Center
The Babylon Bee - Jul 11th 2022 12:36pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Elizabeth Warren has decided to take matters into her own hands in the war against crisis pregnancy centers, personally smacking free resources away from pregnant women when they leave.
SATIRE – Couple Finishes Easy One-Hour DIY Home Improvement Project In Just 4 Years
The Babylon Bee - Jul 10th 2022 6:41pm EDTLANSING, MI — Local couple Noah and Ashley Mullins finished a simple, one-hour home improvement project today, a mere four years after they started.
SATIRE – Jesus Criticized As Ableist For Healing Paralytic
The Babylon Bee - Jul 10th 2022 11:38am EDTJERUSALEM — Jesus of Nazareth has come under fire once again, sparking accusations of ableism after miraculously helping a paralyzed man walk.
SATIRE – Family Buys Lake Cabin So They Can Spend Their Vacations Fixing Things Too
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 5:07pm EDTCrystal Lake, MI — After years of relaxing travel, the McWilliams family took the leap and purchased a lake cabin so they can finally spend their entire vacation fixing things.
SATIRE – Wife Tragically Dies As Tower Of Starbucks Cups In Car Topples
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 5:07pm EDTLITTLE ROCK, AR — Local woman Carissa Stewart passed away suddenly today, tragically crushed when she upset the upset the delicately constructed tower of Starbucks cups in her car.
SATIRE – We Asked 17 Famous People Which Character They Play As In Smash Bros., And This Is What They Said
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 10:48am EDTYou can tell a lot about a person by which character they use in Super Smash Bros.
SATIRE – Thor Picks Up Rolling Pin, Unlocking All The Powers Of Jane Foster
The Babylon Bee - Jul 9th 2022 9:52am EDTNEW ASGARD — Thor god of thunder has once again returned to Earth to visit his love interest, Jane Foster. After realizing that Jane was able to wield all the powers of the mighty Thor Odinson by simply picking up his old hammer, Thor has decided to pick up Jane’s most prized item in hopes […]
SATIRE – Elon Musk Backs Out Of Twitter Deal After Realizing He Can Read The Babylon Bee By Going Directly To Their Website
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 6:23pm EDTAUSTIN, TX — The tech world is reeling from the news that Elon has officially withdrawn his offer to buy Twitter after he realized he can still read the Babylon Bee by going directly to their website.
SATIRE – Update: Number Of Safe Abortions Performed In All Of Human History Still At Zero
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 5:24pm EDTEARTH — After examining records from every abortion carried out since the dawn of humanity, scientists have confirmed that the number of safe abortions performed still inexplicably remains at zero.
SATIRE – Family Goes On Vacation To See What Urgent Cares Look Like In Other States
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 4:48pm EDTSPARTANBURG, SC — After months of anticipation, the Johnson family finally left for vacation this morning, eager to see what urgent cares look like across the country.
SATIRE – Biden: ‘I Apologize For My Latest Teleprompter Gaffe, End Apology’
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 3:38pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — Leader of the free world and President of the United States Joe Biden issued an apology to the American people for an embarrassing blunder that had occurred earlier, stating the following:
SATIRE – Apostle Paul Calls Out Critics For Deadnaming Him As ‘Saul’
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 3:25pm EDTJERUSALEM — The Apostle Paul has demanded that his critics stop “deadnaming” him, explaining that he used his Hebrew name “Saul” before his transition to Christianity but switched to his Roman name “Paul” as a Christian evangelist traveling in Gentile regions.
SATIRE – Biden Sells A Million Barrels From Strategic Petroleum Reserve To COBRA
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 2:24pm EDTCOBRA ISLAND — In a prudent move to mitigate the effects of inflation on everyday families with the last name of “Biden,” President Joe Biden sold a million barrels from the U.S. Strategic Petroleum Reserves to COBRA, enemy of American freedom and nemesis of the G.I. Joe team.
SATIRE – Musk’s Wealth Cut In Half After Taking All His Kids To Chuck E. Cheese
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 2:17pm EDTAUSTIN, TX — Elon Musk’s total net worth was cut in half Thursday after he took all 9 of his kids to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner and games. Musk, who is the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, reportedly spent over $4 billion on Skee-Ball alone and another $12 million to win a plastic lizard […]
SATIRE – Success! Climate Protesters Block Traffic Causing Cars To Idle Extra 3 Hours
The Babylon Bee - Jul 8th 2022 12:48pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — Climate activists are claiming victory following a recent protest in which they blocked traffic and forced vehicles to idle for an extra 3 hours.
SATIRE – Husband Scientists Discover Strange Basket With Dirty Clothes In It
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 6:45pm EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — Husband scientists employed with the Smithsonian Institution have discovered a strange basket holding dirty clothes, and so far are completely baffled by where it came from or what its use could be.
SATIRE – Dog Graciously Allows Owners To Sleep In His Bed
The Babylon Bee - Jul 7th 2022 5:12pm EDTLANSING, MI — According to sources, local retriever Buddy has decided to graciously allow his owners to sleep in his bed whenever they want.