EL PASO, TX — The mainstream media has been heaping praise on President Biden for finally drawing a larger crowd than former President Trump. According to reports, hundreds of thousands are gathering in El Paso and it’s all because of President Biden.
SAN DIEGO, CA — Authorities say they aren’t quite sure what to make of the “totally Mexican man” they picked up over the weekend who identifies himself as Mohammed Sanchez. According to sources, he crossed the U.S.-Mexico border with a caravan of undocumented immigrants but drew a lot of attention to himself because of his […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In an effort to finally clean up the streets, San Francisco announced they will release several packs of monkeys into the city to help fling away all the poo.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Joe Biden was recently awarded an honorary doctorate degree from Howard University, a rare honor bestowed upon him just three years after he became Honorary President.
TEMPE, AZ — Local father Stephen Taylor has become concerned that going to church could really intrude on his eleven-year-old’s travel baseball schedule.
EAST OF EDEN — After watching his wife unwrap a present from every human on the face of the earth, Adam started to become suspicious that Eve had made up this whole “Mother’s Day” celebration.
REHOBOTH, DE — President Biden has retired for the weekend to his beach house in Delaware, enjoying a well-deserved rest after working a brutal five hours over this past week.
U.S. — A new USA Today poll has found that an overwhelming majority of Democrats are in favor of welcoming immigrants from Central and South America into other people’s neighborhoods.
DAYTON, OH — A concerned husband assured his wife on Wednesday he was only reading Song of Solomon to study profound theological doctrine, not to check out the…er… you know…”interesting” bits.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a tense exchange with the press today, President Biden defended himself against charges of corruption and bribery, claiming that a recent $10 million payment to his cat Willow is “totally legitimate” and there’s nothing weird about it at all.
U.S. — Researchers with the U.S. Food & Drug Administration have determined that cereal reaches its peak flavor at 10 pm if eaten on the couch while watching a true crime documentary.
TALLAHASSEE, FL — Gov. Ron DeSantis signed an executive order Friday to prevent Link, the hero of Hyrule, from wearing the female clothing of the Gerudo people.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — House and Senate lawmakers have reportedly come to a deal to avoid defaulting on the national debt by raising the debt ceiling to infinity million billion +1. The deal was later amended with a “no takebacks” clause to shield it from further debate.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The unnamed female CEO of Twitter has already announced that her first act as CEO will be to increase the Tweet character limit all the way to 1,000,000.
WILMINGTON, DE — With Title 42 set to expire tonight, First Lady Jill Biden was thrilled to hear that the country will soon be flooded with record numbers of breakfast tacos.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid startling allegations of a bribery scheme that involved foreign nationals giving the Biden family millions of dollars in exchange for policy changes, the President spoke to journalists this morning on the White House lawn. During his talk, he offered them money in exchange for not talking about the bribery.
BOUNTIFUL, UT — After enduring dozens of lackluster performances at last night’s annual piano recital, local parents reportedly sat up with eager anticipation as the show’s only Asian kid took the stage.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Appearing before the Senate beneath a mysterious, hooded robe, California Senator Diane Feinstein addressed the hushed audience, speaking in a gravelly, Sidious-like voice.
GOFFSTOWN, NH — A visibly shaken Kaitlan Collins announced she will be suing Trump for assault and defamation after being destroyed by the former President on national television last night.
NOGALES, AZ — In a last-ditch effort to stem the tide of illegal migrants crossing the border, locals in Arizona and Texas have resorted to hanging Bud Light signs all over the wall in hopes of scaring away would-be crossers.
ARLINGTON, VA — In what is sure to provide much-needed relief in military spending costs, officials at the Pentagon announced today that, rather than dropping bombs, the United States Air Force will begin dropping morbidly obese airmen on enemy targets.
The books from the beloved series The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis have been treasured literary works for over half a century, but did you know they are actually allegorical, too? They are! In fact, you can find traces of Lewis’s Christian faith sprinkled throughout the books. They can be hard to find, but […]
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — After a judge ruled Trump liable in the sexual abuse and defamation case brought by E. Jean Carroll, the former President responded by announcing he would pay the $5 million judgment using his collectible NFT trading cards.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT