SPOKANE, WA — At a recent PDGA Tour event, professional disc golfer Andy Consulas found himself disqualified after officials subjected him to a random drug test and discovered his urine was negative for cannabis.
Our effeminate culture keeps trying to push men to talk about their feelings and go to something lame-sounding called “therapy”. While this might work for today’s beta male, old-school, 100% genuine REAL men have better ways of overcoming challenges in their lives.
FOX CHAPEL, PA — Local parents Dave and Stacey Martin, who raised their daughter on Disney movies that glamorized rebelling against parents, are flabbergasted to see their teenage daughter now rebelling against her parents.
ONTARIO, CA — History was made today as the guy weaving in and out of traffic ahead of you on the freeway was awarded an impressive 1st place trophy after he arrived at the offramp a full 15 seconds before all the other cars he impatiently swerved around.
QUANTICO, VA — According to anonymous sources, the trans activist manifesto of the Nashville mass shooter has been put in a top-secret crate in a top-secret warehouse for safekeeping, right next to the motive for the Vegas shooting, the Epstein client list, and the Ark of the Covenant.
ALBANY, NY — Lawmakers in New York have taken action to ban the use of gas stoves in residential buildings after newly discovered footage revealed a gas stove participating in the January 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol Building riot.
MOSCOW — After an attempted drone strike assassination on the Kremlin this week, Russian President Vladimir Putin vowed swift retaliatory action, beginning with a targeted misgendering of U.S. Admiral Rachel Levine.
EL PASO, TX — Amid a mounting surge of illegal immigration, the Biden Administration is sending 1,500 National Guard troops to the border to help them register to vote.
It’s hard to remember life before COVID-19 vaccine side effects. Now, they’re as much a part of American life as Mom, baseball, apple pie, and government agencies spying on us through our electronic devices. Unfortunately, the more time passes, the more disturbing and previously unheard-of side effects pop up.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, the extremely beautiful and perfect Congresswoman AOC has still failed to notice a group of handsome and talented satire writers, even though they are really funny and have written dozens of hilarious headlines about her just to make her laugh.
ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Despite stern warnings of artificial intelligence attacking humanity’s digital infrastructure from the likes of Elon Musk and Bill Gates, artificial intelligence research has yet to be regulated by the government or other entities with oversight power. New reporting from AI sources, however, indicates that the threat is reduced as the AI robots […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid news that Vice Media is filing for bankruptcy, there is growing concern at the White House that the Biden administration will now have to begin lying to the American people directly rather than doing so more discreetly through Vice Media.
HOLLYWOOD, CA — An inexplicably-unforeseen outcome has begun to take form since Hollywood writers began their writer’s strike to demand more writerly benefits for writers. Newly released movies and shows have improved in quality by exponential levels, packing theaters and raking in huge profits.
U.S. — Americans are in shock after late-night talk shows were forced to shut down amid a writer’s strike, revealing the fact that late-night shows actually had writers.
NEW YORK, NY — A windowless van was seen lurking outside New York City elementary schools Monday. Witnesses claim the driver handed out obscene pornographic material to minors and lectured them on LGBTQ representation in literature. Police reports identified the driver as none other than Chelsea Clinton, daughter of notable Epstein client Bill Clinton.
BURBANK, CA — Studio executives at Disney have been left dumbfounded by the enormous success of Universal’s The Super Mario Bros. Movie, which has inexplicably made over $1 billion dollars worldwide despite not featuring any trans goombas anywhere in the film.
EGYPT — Despite his success in interpreting previous dreams regarding an upcoming famine in the land, sources say Joseph is unsure about what to tell Pharaoh about his dream where he’s standing in front of everyone in his underwear and they’re laughing at him.
HELENA, MT — Montana trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr, formerly known as Zachary Raasch, feels strongly that he has nailed his audition as Bud Light’s next spokesperson after leading loud demonstrations in the state capital building last week.
CHARLESTON, SC — Local man Steve Rollins juked and spun his way past church greeters during a visit to First Baptist Church today, stunning church staff with his world-class elusiveness.
DEATH STAR — In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn’t simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House today turned over press conference duties to President Biden’s cue card, who hosted the press corps solo as Biden himself was out sick.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT