U.S. — Facing increasing criticism over her handling of school closures around the country during the COVID-19 pandemic, United Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten defended herself by saying her actual intention was to open schools in the Opposite World.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the addition of other candidates seeking the Democratic Party’s nomination in the 2024 Presidential Election, incumbent Joe Biden’s campaign has announced the President will not be participating in the debates due to the looming strike of the Writers Guild of America.
NEW YORK, NY — Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson issued a dire warning in response to Mattel’s new Down Syndrome Barbie, saying it might cause young, impressionable girls to think that all human life has value.
SHREVEPORT, LA — A local man found himself in a jam when his toilet failed to flush yesterday morning. Rather than call a professional plumber to fix the issue, the man called upon the entire backlog of plumbing knowledge he has accumulated during his life: jiggling the toilet handle.
The world of political media is still reeling from the shocking news of Tucker Carlson being let go, but as with anything in the fast-paced business of cable news, the show must go on. Fox News has yet to reveal any plans regarding who or what may fill Carlson’s vacated nightly prime-time spot, but the […]
COLUMBIA, SC — In a bid to draw large corporate interests to conduct business in South Carolina and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the state, former governor and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley has informed Emperor Palpatine that South Carolina is the ideal location to build a new Death Star.
U.S. — The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was dominated last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his partially-finished basement.
We’ve all seen it. All of us, in some way, have had our lives touched by it. Amazon addiction. It’s spreading like wildfire through marriages and families, destroying all bank accounts in its path. If your wife has an Amazon addiction, it’s not too late to save her. There is help available. The first step […]
LAND OF UZ — According to sources, local man Job is experiencing unspeakable suffering, having been stricken with painful boils after losing his house, his children, and all his possessions. Fortunately, his three friends — Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite — paid him a visit this morning and offered to […]
LAND OF UZ — According to sources, local man Job is experiencing unspeakable suffering, having been stricken with painful boils after losing his house, his children, and all his possessions. Fortunately, his three friends — Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite — paid him a visit this morning and offered to […]
VATICAN — In a historic announcement, the Catholic Church has officially granted sainthood to Bandit Heeler, father of the titular character on the popular animated program Bluey. Bandit is both the first dog as well as the first animated fictional character to be granted sainthood.
VATICAN — In a historic announcement, the Catholic Church has officially granted sainthood to Bandit Heeler, father of the titular character on the popular animated program Bluey. Bandit is both the first dog as well as the first animated fictional character to be granted sainthood.
We’ve all seen it. All of us, in some way, have had our lives touched by it. Amazon addiction. It’s spreading like wildfire through marriages and families, destroying all bank accounts in its path. If your wife has an Amazon addiction, it’s not too late to save her. There is help available. The first step […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — Tragedy has dealt the media and entertainment industries a devastating blow, as the death toll of journalists and celebrities continues to rise rapidly in the wake of losing their blue checks on Twitter.
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Attention, moviegoers, Hollywood has done it yet again. Reports are filtering in that, once again, the new movie you’re excited to go see this weekend features a female character who is somewhat competent and can do stuff and say things, proving that wokeness and progressivism are still running roughshod through the entertainment […]
U.S. — In the days following Tucker Carlson’s unexpected ouster from Fox News, millions of calls were placed by frustrated and confused boomers to younger relatives for directions on how to change the channel.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move sure to reduce road accidents among black and brown communities, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has announced the immediate closure of the Interstate System for 8-10 days so highways can undergo racial sensitivity training.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Millions of Americans are in fear this morning after U.S. President Joe Biden announced his reelection campaign with a terrifying threat to the nation, pledging he would “Finish the Job.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a testy exchange with an interviewer for Meet the Press last week, Dr. Anthony Fauci claimed he never locked down schools and hasn’t even heard of COVID.
COLUMBUS, OH — According to sources, local Dad Amos Bennet discovered he suddenly had the ability to read over 1,000 words per minute while reading to his kids at bedtime yesterday evening.
NEW YORK, NY — Former CNN host Don Lemon has quickly landed on his feet after his sudden firing yesterday, as he will now have the opportunity to continue lecturing the American public from his new position as a barista at his local Starbucks.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Authorities have been dispatched to the White House lawn after reports of a creepy old man shouting to people that he thinks of everyone’s kids as his own.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Minutes after Biden’s administration announced that the mostly dead President would be running again in 2024, Vice President Harris also announced her campaign to definitely become President at some point over the next 4 to 5 years.
Have you ever wondered what men are actually doing when they “go out with the boys?” This activity has been shrouded in mystery from time immemorial, but today for the first time we will reveal the secret to you.
NEW YORK, NY — Legendary Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has officially signed with the New York Jets, confirming his retirement from professional football.
U.S. — The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was dominated last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his partially-finished basement.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT