ARLINGTON, TX — In an attempt to distance itself from its older NFL cousin and its “END RACISM” endzone decorations, the XFL has announced they will be adding their own endzone decorations that read “WE LOVE RACISM.”
SOUTH BEND, IN — A female airline pilot was preoccupied during an otherwise routine flight yesterday, as she kept hoping the plane’s blinking “CHECK ENGINE” light would eventually just turn off by itself without incident.
The coronavirus pandemic is on the ropes thanks to Dr. Fauci and the power of equity, but don’t put that face mask away just yet! There’s so much more you can get out of it.
CRESTLINE, CA — In his ongoing series of investigations into any reports of white powder, Hunter Biden has traveled to the San Bernardino Mountains of California after hearing several feet of such powder had been seen covering the mountaintops.
NASHVILLE, TN — Seeking to be fully prepared to capitalize on any potential woke misstep by another major American corporation, Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing is now reportedly setting up shop in a large warehouse full of tires, waiting for Goodyear to say something to cause conservative outrage.
PASADENA, CA — The heated Division III rivalry between the East Pasadena Community College Golden Cuttlefish and the Technical College of Southeastern Bakersfield Fightin’ Avocados has grown to epic proportions as the final minute of the basketball game heads into day three.
KYIV — Attorney General Merrick Garland’s surprise Ukraine trip was cut short over the weekend after government officials asked him to leave, citing an overabundance of corrupt government officials already in the country.
U.S. — A scene of desperation and panic unfolded on a Delta Airlines flight after the captain of the all-female flight crew announced over the intercom that everything was fine.
If you have never had the incredible joy of experiencing life alongside man’s best friend, there is so much you are missing out on! Here are ten amazing reasons to bring home a dog today:
JESUP, GA — This news outlet has received multiple reports that Keith Vance, a so-called man, actually posted a Facebook story, even though everyone knows Facebook stories are clearly for girls and real men steer clear of such sissy nonsense.
WAUKESHA, WI — During fellowship time for their weekly Bible Study, local man Charlie Rodriguez pulled his wife into an emergency conference to recover the name of a woman they had met only 15 seconds ago.
SANTEE, CA — According to church elders, member Dylan Behrens absolutely nailed the pitch pipe solo while performing song leader duties Sunday. The veteran song leader approached the pulpit with his Sacred Selections hymn book in hand and then proceeded to shred the pitch pipe for 5 seconds.
CHATTANOOGA, TN — Surprising results from a recent study have conclusively shown that just 0.01% of all trail mix is actually eaten by people while they are on a trail. Researchers were eager to learn more about the demographics of the people consuming the trail mix and the activities they participate in while doing so.
GOSHEN, IN — According to sources, 8-year-old Kylee Carmen is being tucked into bed by her exhausted mother, but needs a few things before she can go to sleep. The first is a glass of water in her favorite princess cup, and the second is a satisfactory explanation for why we can still call God […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to inside sources, comedian Jimmy Kimmel is currently running tonight’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! jokes by CCP President Xi for approval, as is his daily custom.
ONTARIO, CA — A local man was eager to rock out alone in his car while blasting the epic soundtrack from the film The Greatest Showman, but he made certain all the windows of his vehicle were closed tightly before doing so.
GENEVA — The long-awaited Center For Celebrating The Protestant Heritage Of Artistic Excellence opened to the public in John Calvin’s home city of Geneva, Switzerland last week, after nearly 30 years of constructing the massive building and compiling the greatest works of Protestant art it would house. Attendees report that the imposing structure has space […]
WORLD — A shocking Gallup poll has revealed that a rapidly increasing number of kids in Generation Z are now identifying as members of the world’s most celebrated, popular group.
CHICAGO, IL — After Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot failed to win reelection, city officials honored her legacy of skyrocketing crime rates with a 21-murder salute.
LONDON — Eve has once again come in last in a global poll for Most Popular Women in History. Comments left by those polled again cited Eve’s instigation of the downfall of the human race as a whole as the main reason for her low ranking.
U.S. — Public schools in the U.S. are continuing to decline as performance and test scores reach record lows. Many are blaming this phenomenon on a lack of teachers in the classrooms since most of them have been beaten unconscious by students.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT