NEW MEXICO — The government-funded Black Mesa Research Facility is currently in danger of being shut down after being hit with yet another OSHA violation.
BETHESDA, MD — Federal agents raided the home of former National Security Advisor John Bolton on Friday as part of a security probe involving classified documents. Unfortunately, the whereabouts of Bolton were currently unknown, as it was believed that he escaped by blending in with a nearby herd of walruses.
Unsure about which of the myriad A.I. assistants out there is right for you? Try Hannah, the new fully clothed and chaste A.I. assistant from The Babylon Bee.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Continuing his string of pulling off peace treaties that many thought to be impossible, President Donald Trump announced that he had successfully negotiated a historic truce between iPhone and Android users.
FRANKLIN, TN — According to sources, a local Gen Z college graduate who was now $200,000 in debt with a minimum wage job was celebrating by shopping for a new $750,000 home at 20% interest.
FRANKLIN, TN — According to sources, a local Gen Z college graduate who was now $200,000 in debt with a minimum wage job was celebrating by shopping for a new $750,000 home at 20% interest.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his comprehensive overhaul of America’s national museums, President Donald Trump ordered the Smithsonian to display an exhibit of the now-defunct Cracker Barrel logo.
RIVERDALE, UT — A tragic scene ensued last night, as an introvert bit down on a cyanide capsule at his own birthday dinner as soon as the waiters started singing “Happy Birthday” to him.
U.S. — Times change, and we must change with them. That was the philosophy that prompted us to update our company logo to remove anything that could be construed as appealing or exciting.
LAKE FOREST, CA — According to local man Todd Lyons, there’s simply no room in the budget for his family to tithe as they are already having to spend $30,000 a year on travel baseball for their 10-year-old son.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump says that after a brief phone call with the violent storm, Hurricane Erin has agreed to change course away from the United States.
LOS ANGELES, CA — The California state government is once again under fire after the revelation it issued a Commercial Driver’s License to famed blind pianist Stevie Wonder.
While babies are undeniably cute, they aren’t too bright. Yet, despite being unable to talk or poo on a potty, babies are still significantly smarter than today’s liberals. Here are ten ways babies are outpacing the libs:
SACRAMENTO, CA — Sources close to Gavin Newsom say that the governor’s Trump imitations may be getting a little out of hand after Newsom ordered an aide to shoot off part of his ear.
SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo’s chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom’s X account.
SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo’s chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom’s X account.
HEAVEN — Celestial sources report that in response to hearing of President Trump’s hopes for getting into heaven, God has agreed to let Trump into His kingdom if he simply repents of his sin and trusts in Christ alone for his salvation.
OSLO — The Nobel Committee has officially announced that President Trump will be awarded the prestigious Peace Prize for getting Volodymyr Zelenskyy to actually wear a suit.
With President Donald Trump making election reform a priority, cleaning up the process and determining qualifications for voting are important. Who should vote, and how can it be determined?
The Babylon Bee changed the satire game forever when we launched 9 years ago. Now, we’re taking on unfunny, woke Hollywood with brand-new shows, sketches, web series, and movies, all from the minds that come up with the fake news headlines you read every day.
NEW YORK — Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani caused a stir this week when he rage quit from a game of Sim City 4 after the residents of his simulated city starved to death again.
NEW YORK — Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani caused a stir this week when he rage quit from a game of Sim City 4 after the residents of his simulated city starved to death again.
NEW YORK — Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani caused a stir this week when he rage quit from a game of Sim City 4 after the residents of his simulated city starved to death again.
CHINO HILLS, CA — A men’s bible study was suddenly derailed when one of its members decided that the time scheduled for the study of Romans was the right time to bring up the Nephilim again.
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