EL SEGUNDO, CA — Shareholders were briefed at an emergency meeting to address swirling rumors, as vegetarian alternative manufacturer Beyond Meat was reportedly in financial trouble after the public learned that real meat exists.
ESCONDIDO, CA — According to sources, local man Randy Rivera was disappointed to discover that wearing his favorite sports team’s shirt apparently served as an open invitation for any random stranger to talk to him.
ESCONDIDO, CA — According to sources, local man Randy Rivera was disappointed to discover that wearing his favorite sports team’s shirt apparently served as an open invitation for any random stranger to talk to him.
In addition to ordering a comprehensive review of the Smithsonian museums to root out “wokeness,” President Donald Trump has reportedly provided the institutions with a list of new items to display instead.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An unidentified man at a local Subway location was seen asking the Sandwich Artist on duty if they had a sandwich that has good stopping power that’s also compact and easy to conceal.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Illinois Governor JB Pritzker reportedly joined the fray as a law enforcement officer in the nation’s capital in hopes of getting a sandwich thrown at him.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Illinois Governor JB Pritzker reportedly joined the fray as a law enforcement officer in the nation’s capital in hopes of getting a sandwich thrown at him.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Illinois Governor JB Pritzker reportedly joined the fray as a law enforcement officer in the nation’s capital in hopes of getting a sandwich thrown at him.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Illinois Governor JB Pritzker reportedly joined the fray as a law enforcement officer in the nation’s capital in hopes of getting a sandwich thrown at him.
In case you haven’t already heard, you’re living in an oppressive, authoritarian dictatorship now. Don’t believe it? It’s easy to see once you know what to look for.
ROME — Renaissance artist Vicente De Antonio put the finishing touches on a new painting that he hoped would someday be used to train AI on how to recreate Renaissance paintings.
PHILADELPHIA, PA — In a landmark ruling that was sure to have far-reaching consequences, a federal court ruled that a group of Catholic nuns would be immediately required to start worshiping Molech.
SACRAMENTO, CA — In his ongoing public sparring with the administration over its agenda, Governor Gavin Newsom vowed to double California’s violent crime rate if President Donald Trump refused to stop cleaning up Washington, D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump departed the White House today, with Air Force One scheduled to touch down at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson (JBER) ahead of a historic meeting to broker a truce between humans and bears.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of a whistleblower’s claim that he approved the leaking of classified information in an attempt to take down President Donald Trump, Senator Adam Schiff expressed worry that his legal troubles would make it hard for him to afford his upcoming head reduction surgery.
LOS ANGELES — An investigation has revealed that a secretive bettor going by the name “Shoberto Ohnandez” placed a massive $15 million wager on the Los Angeles Angels to win last night.
DALLAS — After viewing footage of the controversial items being thrown at WNBA games, Cowboys players expressed a degree of interest in having similar objects thrown at them this season.
DALLAS — After viewing footage of the controversial items being thrown at WNBA games, Cowboys players expressed a degree of interest in having similar objects thrown at them this season.
DAVENPORT, IA — According to insiders, the self esteem of local man Jacob Filch has yet to recover from a time seven years prior when an online Harry Potter quiz put him in Hufflepuff.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A press conference to update the media on the department’s ongoing efforts to rein in crime following President Donald Trump’s threat to federalize the city was briefly interrupted today but a loud noise, leading DC Police Chief Pamela Smith to ask journalists what was causing it.
While naysayers doubted Major League Baseball’s decision to hire its first female umpire, the advantages have already proved undeniable. Here are seven huge benefits of having lady umps:
Sharing the Good News can be awkward and nerve-wracking, but it’s a command from our Lord, so you’d better do it. But how? Are there any ways to do it on the sly so nobody outs you as one of those weirdo Christians?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The bloody years-long conflict between Ukraine and Russia was finally brought to an end this week, as President Donald Trump successfully negotiated a ceasefire between the countries by agreeing to give Vladimir Putin California.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Shocking dozens of viewers, a CNN journalist was nearly beaten to death by a group of thugs during a live broadcast while reporting that crime is down in D.C.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT