LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unexpected twist for the Hollywood movie industry, director James Gunn proudly released a film about the importance of accepting morally upstanding white immigrants who speak perfect English.
MILWAUKEE, WI — Sources close to local man Jackson Trent say he just wants however many deportations are needed for him to no longer have to push 1 for English.
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The effects of the Trump administration’s sweeping reforms in government funding have trickled down to different industries, as a serial killer found himself out of a job after a local Planned Parenthood was forced to close its doors.
SACRAMENTO, CA — As the federal government takes steps to attempt to solve a myriad of problems facing the Golden State, a furious Governor Gavin Newsom told reporters he won’t stand silently by while Trump fixes California.
A new chapter in history was written last week, as Elon Musk formed the America Party as a foil to the Republican-Democratic “uniparty” system. Some of the big names who have already jumped on board may surprise you.
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local man Gary Nielson was having a great time on his phone, until the ads he was watching were briefly yet rudely interrupted by the mobile game “Tetris Blast.”
CHICAGO, IL — The world around a local man seemed to grow even colder and dimmer as he expressed feeling that his Christian love for humanity had been shattered after he took a trip to the airport.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the world waited with bated breath to learn about the contents of the ancient biblical artifact, U.S. Attorney General Pam Pondi made an official statement confirming that the Ark of the Covenant was sitting on her desk waiting to be reviewed.
ORLANDO, FL — Disney World’s Hall of Presidents was updated over the weekend to include a new animatronic district judge to block all actions by its animatronic President Trump.
TEHRAN — Sources close to the regime reported that Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian expressed worry during his highly publicized X interview that this Tucker Carlson guy might be a little extreme.
JERICHO — Another fascinating piece of the biblical history puzzle fell into place this week, as archaeologists announced the discovery of what is believed to be the Ouija board used by King Saul.
LEE’S SUMMIT, MO — As people across the nation prepared to celebrate the 4th of July holiday, one sorry excuse for an American revealed he had yet to blow off a single finger with fireworks.
U.S. — Following the passing of President Donald Trump’s historic “Big Beautiful Bill” to set the government’s spending budget, Planned Parenthood warned that the massive funding cut would result in the birth of thousands of babies.
According to rumors, Disney and Lucasfilm are looking at rebooting the beloved Indiana Jones film series sans Harrison Ford, leading fans to speculate what dramatic changes are in store for everyone’s favorite archaeologist. The Babylon Bee is here with all the details.
HELL — A wailing, screeching sound was heard from the Devil’s office today following the defunding of Planned Parenthood by the United States Government.
PHILADELPHIA — After a tense round of voting, the Continental Congress passed a resolution to shorten the title of the Big Beautiful Declaration of Independence to simply Declaration of Independence.
PHILADELPHIA — After a tense round of voting, the Continental Congress passed a resolution to shorten the title of the Big Beautiful Declaration of Independence to simply Declaration of Independence.
PHILADELPHIA — After a tense round of voting, the Continental Congress passed a resolution to shorten the title of the Big Beautiful Declaration of Independence to simply Declaration of Independence.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sickening display of cold-heartedness, American leftists are demanding that immigrants stay in the evil, oppressive regime of the United States.
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