News From David Cole

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  • Dear MAGA: What if You Were Wrong?

    David Cole - Nov 19th 2024 2:25am EST

    I have a question for MAGA following Trump’s blowout victory against a cackling cretinous curry-stained flesh-and-blood Thalia mask: How could it have happened? According to the rule you’ve lived by for four years, a rule that made you storm the Capitol, assault cops, destroy property, and, in some cases, die yourselves, trampled under the feet […]

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  • The Razzle-Dazzle Wrap-Up of Everything

    David Cole - Nov 12th 2024 12:00am EST

    Our long national nightmare is over. Or is it just starting? I’m writing this at 5 a.m. on the 6th. A few postelection notes; nothing heavy. Angel George Floyd earns his hot wings Thanks to the fentanyl-fueled check kite-flyer, the Dems forced Biden to choose a black woman for his VP in 2020. Karen Bass, […]

  • The Week That Perished: Rats and Democrats

    David Cole - Nov 10th 2024 6:43pm EST

    In this week’s Week: Harris floats away, The Swiss don’t miss a slay. Rodents invade L.A., Meet black genius Tasshay, And in Florida you’re DOA. Yes, it turns out that my rat problem from earlier in the year is actually the entire county’s problem. We’re lousy with rats. Then again, we just got rid of […]

  • I Love L.A.

    David Cole - Nov 6th 2024 1:00pm EST

    This’ll be a brief post, because I’m two sake bottles to the wind. But my great county, L.A., just kicked the living shit out of demonic George Soros and his minion, murderous district attorney George Gascon. Soros and all his billions couldn’t defeat this great county. And statewide, we approved Prop. 36, ending the decriminalization […]

  • I Love L.A.

    David Cole - Nov 6th 2024 1:00pm EST

    This’ll be a brief post, because I’m two sake bottles to the wind. But my great county, L.A., just kicked the living shit out of demonic George Soros and his minion, murderous district attorney George Gascon. Soros and all his billions couldn’t defeat this great county. And statewide, we approved Prop. 36, ending the decriminalization […]

  • Tall (but True) Tales From the Casting Room

    David Cole - Nov 5th 2024 12:00am EST

    Having a column that runs Monday/Tuesday means I’m forever doomed to post the evening before/day of elections. And today? You’re on edge. Everyone is. So I’ll take my cue from Sting, January 19, 1991. He had the unenviable task of hosting SNL right as the Desert Storm ground offensive began (America’s first large-scale war since […]

  • The Week That Perished: Viagra Falls

    David Cole - Nov 3rd 2024 4:46pm EST

    In this week’s Week: October brought no big surprise, Bannon breaks his prison ties. Dodgers riot as Yankees choke, Pee-pee enhancer in Chinese Coke, And a proud black mama goes for a soak. The Week That Perished As always, if you get a laugh, BUY ME A BEER! * Did you have a good Halloween? […]

  • The Rothenberg Principle

    David Cole - Oct 29th 2024 2:56am EDT

    Remember Charles Rothenberg? Hopefully not, as it’s a most unpleasant memory. In the early 1980s, Rothenberg was locked in a bitter custody dispute with his wife, Marie, over their 6-year-old son David. Charles and Marie lived in New York. Rothenberg had visitation rights, but he was convinced that his ex was trying to curb them. […]

  • The Week That Perished: Gene Pool Drowners

    David Cole - Oct 27th 2024 5:07pm EDT

    The lead story in this week’s Week is about blacks and swimming, a topic we’ve covered before, and it really is astounding the extent to which this issue continues to crop up, not with “cold fries” frequency, but running a close second. Back in my majority-black high school, it was a running gag that we […]

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  • Happy Friday: Ol’ Dave Actually Scores a Win!

    David Cole - Oct 25th 2024 3:09pm EDT

    Looking back over the years (and whatever else that appears) I’m struck by how little my internal needle has moved regarding social/political matters. In my majority-black high school, as much as I was everybody’s pal, I was nevertheless against Affirmative Action and “black privilege” and I was very pro-cop. I was that way then, I’m […]

  • Hitler & Halloween…It’s a Winning Combination!

    David Cole - Oct 22nd 2024 3:37pm EDT

    First off, this week’s column: how idiot Boomer and Gen X conservatives created a plague of Zoomer Hitler fanboys. Just boys enjoying the company of boys. The tall one grew up to be Milo Yiannopoulos If’n you like it, please consider buying me a beer! The column: Fatigue Heil * Now to the REALLY spooky […]

  • Fatigue Heil

    David Cole - Oct 22nd 2024 12:00am EDT

    You think I enjoy talking about Hitler? Like, I have some bizarre fetish for the guy? Believe me, it annoys me as much as it does you. I’m fatigued by it. But, for better or worse (spoiler: worse), we’re neck-deep in Hitler this election, with a half-dozen GOP candidates (not fringies but party-endorsed) having expressed, […]

  • The Week That Perished: Blacks, Beans, and Time Machines

    David Cole - Oct 20th 2024 2:00pm EDT

    In this week’s Week: Mexican party-gunmen toast a Paloma, “Black scholars” get bullets in their diploma. Palestinian terrorists go back in time, CNN’s Gabe Cohen’s trail of slime, And journalism THIS bad should be a crime! The Week That Perished As always, if you get a laugh, please BUY ME A BEER! * And now, […]

  • The Week That Perished: Blacks, Beans, and Time Machines

    David Cole - Oct 20th 2024 2:00pm EDT

    In this week’s Week: Mexican party-gunmen toast a Paloma, “Black scholars” get bullets in their diploma. Palestinian terrorists go back in time, CNN’s Gabe Cohen’s trail of slime, And journalism THIS bad should be a crime! The Week That Perished As always, if you get a laugh, please BUY ME A BEER! * And now, […]

  • Burn the Barn

    David Cole - Oct 15th 2024 1:28am EDT

    Sometimes it’s beneficial to break down a bad argument. To dissect it, deconstruct it, disassemble it. Get to the heart of why it stinks. To put it more crassly, a dog turd looks bad enough on your front lawn. But bring it in the house, chop it up, examine it under a microscope? It looks […]

  • Ty-Wreak

    David Cole - Oct 8th 2024 12:00am EDT

    Years ago I wrote about how, among “race realists,” there are essentially two extremes: David Duke and Jared Taylor. Team black and team Jew. To paraphrase the Taylor position (and I stress that I’m paraphrasing here; my friend Jared is far more erudite than I): “Jews are white. Yes, they can be a pain in […]

  • Ty-Wreak

    David Cole - Oct 8th 2024 12:00am EDT

    Years ago I wrote about how, among “race realists,” there are essentially two extremes: David Duke and Jared Taylor. Team black and team Jew. To paraphrase the Taylor position (and I stress that I’m paraphrasing here; my friend Jared is far more erudite than I): “Jews are white. Yes, they can be a pain in […]

  • The Week That Perished: It’s a Gas Gas Gas!

    David Cole - Oct 6th 2024 5:00pm EDT

    This week: Blackened Hitler cooked too well-done, Hurricane brings out the worst in everyone. “I was a sailor” RIP, Black slice-and-diceman’s soul set free, And the cucumber rapist…this you gotta see. The Week That Perished I’m back on the bottle so I’m not proofing this. I miss my ability to handle drinking binges even more […]

  • The Week That Perished: It’s a Gas Gas Gas!

    David Cole - Oct 6th 2024 5:00pm EDT

    This week: Blackened Hitler cooked too well-done, Hurricane brings out the worst in everyone. “I was a sailor” RIP, Black slice-and-diceman’s soul set free, And the cucumber rapist…this you gotta see. The Week That Perished I’m back on the bottle so I’m not proofing this. I miss my ability to handle drinking binges even more […]

  • The Black Furor of Harlem

    David Cole - Oct 1st 2024 6:34pm EDT

    Or at least one hand in the air. I don’t particularly like talking so much about Nazis these days. But jeez, folks, how can I not, when the GOP, conservative financiers, right-wing donors, and Elon Musk won’t stop talking about them either (and feting and promoting and rationalizing them)? I mean, how can I not […]

  • Blacks Can’t Hold Their Hitler

    David Cole - Oct 1st 2024 12:00am EDT

    I see the coming election not so much as a contest between Trump and Harris (wacklemore vs. cacklemore), but rather as a test of theories. The Darren Beattie Theory: What matters in an election isn’t issues. Fuck issues. Voters prefer to mindlessly worship a charismatic leader who says batty things. Issue-focused campaigns are doomed; personality-cultism […]

  • The Week That Perished: Cotton Pickin’ Good!

    David Cole - Sep 29th 2024 3:24pm EDT

    In this week’s Week: Walt Whiteman’s poetry is not the best, Welshman wails with knife in chest. Biden says, “glad you didn’t listen to me,” Hassan Nasrallah is R.I.P., And Newsom says, “fuck your grocery.” The Week That Perished * DAVE RANT! I haven’t posted anything in a week, which means not one single unsub. […]

  • MAGA Does a Hitler!

    David Cole - Sep 24th 2024 12:00pm EDT

    Trump’s been called “Hitler” for, what, nine years now? And always unfairly. Even with the dude’s many (many) faults, he’s not Hitler. And in my nine years of covering Trump in this column, I’ve always been quick to slam the Hitler analogies. Well, congratulations, J.D. Vance, for finally giving me a Hitler analogy I can […]

  • Why Casting Directors Are Paid…and Why I Should’ve Stayed

    David Cole - Sep 20th 2024 2:42pm EDT

    Jesus I can’t wait to drink again. This is not one of my better sober periods. I’ve been sober since August 11, and my original plan was to make it to Thanksgiving, but I can’t see that happening. I think October 11 will be my limit. Two months…hopefully enough liver regeneration to see me through […]

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  • This Week’s Column: Twerking Twerp Is Holocaust Derp

    David Cole - Sep 17th 2024 2:09pm EDT

    As you know, I enjoy providing “extras” to my subscribers to accompany each Takimag column. But before you read the extras, read the column! Here it is, about a dumbass who managed to distort Holocaust history AND cock up GOP politics with the dexterity of a chimp trying to juggle. “Gimme Yo Cats, Bitch!” This […]

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