SATIRE – Voters Send Strong Message To Career Politicians By Voting For Slightly Different Career Politicians
The Babylon Bee - Nov 7th 2022 1:46pm ESTU.S. — In what analysts are calling “a referendum on career politicians,” voters throughout the nation are sending a message that they are fed up with “politics as usual” by electing a different set of career politicians than expected.
SATIRE – Controversy As SNL Invites Real Live Comedian To Perform
The Babylon Bee - Nov 7th 2022 12:01pm ESTNEW YORK, NY — Saturday Night Live, a show dedicated solely to solemn social critiques and pedantic lectures, has made waves after inviting a real live comedian to perform.
SATIRE – Nate Silver Prepares For Biennial Tradition Of Screaming That His Wildly Erroneous Polls Were Somehow Right
The Babylon Bee - Nov 6th 2022 3:37pm ESTNEW YORK, NY — Famed pollster Nate Silver has begun preparations for his biennial tradition of screaming on national television about how his completely erroneous polls were actually correct.
SATIRE – 9 New Ways Elon Musk Will Monetize Twitter
The Babylon Bee - Nov 6th 2022 2:41pm ESTWith companies pulling their ads from Twitter over the threat of hearing conservatives speak, Elon Musk has had to get creative in developing new revenue streams! Here are the nine new ways Mr. Musk is going to monetize Twitter:
SATIRE – Eye Doctor Admits Air Puff Machine Doesn’t Do Anything, He Just Likes Watching People Flinch
The Babylon Bee - Nov 6th 2022 12:37pm ESTDALLAS, TX — Local ophthalmologist Dr. Kyler Moore has admitted that the air puff machine doesn’t measure anything, and eye doctors do that purely for the joy of watching people flinch.
SATIRE – ‘The View’ Will Now Just Be One Hour Of Hosts Beating White Women With Sticks
The Babylon Bee - Nov 5th 2022 2:51pm EDTLOS ANGELES, CA — In a move designed to streamline the show’s format and make planning episodes much easier, ABC has announced that “The View” will now just be a solid hour of the show’s hosts beating white women with sticks.
SATIRE – Report: Some People Still Atheists Even Though Breakfast Burritos Exist
The Babylon Bee - Nov 5th 2022 9:54am EDTU.S. — A shocking report has revealed that there are still people clinging to atheism in spite of the well-documented existence of breakfast burritos.
SATIRE – Parents Torn Between Giving Kid Smartphone And Just Dropping Him Off At A Pervert’s House Directly
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 4:56pm EDTCHICAGO, IL — A local couple found themselves facing a challenging dilemma as they were confronted with deciding between giving their child a smartphone or just skipping the middle man and dropping the child off at a local pervert’s house.
SATIRE – In Affirmative Action Program, Starbucks Forced To Hire One Straight Male Barista
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 4:45pm EDTU.S. – In a groundbreaking affirmative action program aimed at diversifying its workforce, Starbucks has hired its first and only straight white cis-male barista.
SATIRE – 27 Positions At Twitter Most Likely To Be Eliminated
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 4:00pm EDTElon Musk is in charge at Twitter – let that sink in for a moment! Unfortunately for many workers, he has already announced plans for mass layoffs of positions due to redundancies, inefficiencies, and unnecessary perks. Here are the positions we think are on the chopping block as Elon starts tightening up the ship: Powered […]
SATIRE – Twitter Employees Devastated To Learn Their New Boss Expects Them To Do Actual Work At Their Jobs
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 2:42pm EDTSAN FRANCISCO, CA — Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.
SATIRE – Stephen King Sues Drag Queens For Infringing His Copyright On Terrifying Clowns That Prey On Children
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 1:59pm EDTBANGOR, MN — American author Stephen King emerged from the shadows just before dawn Friday to file a copyright infringement claim in federal court. King is arguing that Drag Queen Story Hour violates his copyright around his infamous character Pennywise the Dancing Clown from the novel It — who is also a hideous clown who […]
SATIRE – White Suburban Women Swing Right After Republican Party Rebrands As ‘Pumpkin Spice Republican Party’
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 11:51am EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite suburban white women demurring from widespread Republican support in the 2020 election, new polling estimates a 25%+ increase in this key demographic’s projected support for conservatives in the upcoming midterm elections. This definitive pivot has caused widespread panic for Democratic operatives and candidates who are unsure of how to combat their […]
SATIRE – AOC Wistfully Doodles ‘Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk’ Inside Heart In Her Notebook
The Babylon Bee - Nov 4th 2022 10:40am EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — After an adorably flirtatious back-and-forth with billionaire Elon Musk on Twitter, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen wistfully writing the name “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk” in whimsical girly handwriting inside a heart in the pages of her notebook, sources say.
SATIRE – Top 10 Reasons People Are Still Voting For Democrats
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 7:10pm EDTBrought to you by: Good Kid Productions
SATIRE – Report: It’s Not Even Thanksgiving And Liz Cheney Is Already Putting Up Her January 6th Decorations
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 6:30pm EDTWILSON, WY — According to reports from residents living near Liz Cheney’s Wyoming home, the lame-duck representative for the state’s at-large congressional district is really feeling the spirit of the holidays. Although Thanksgiving is weeks away, Cheney is already putting up her January 6th decorations.
SATIRE – Stay-At-Home Worker Rewards Self For Replying To Email By Taking 3-Hour Break
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 4:53pm EDTBUENA PARK, CA — A local man decided to indulge himself today, with the stay-at-home worker rewarding himself with a much-deserved three-hour break after he went above and beyond by replying to a simple email.
SATIRE – New Sarah McLachlan Ad Says For Only $8 Per Month You Can Sponsor A Celebrity’s Verified Twitter Account
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 3:14pm EDTVANCOUVER, BC — This week, the Society For Prevention Of Cruelty To Celebrities (SPCC) launched a nationwide campaign to raise awareness about public figures buckling under a new expense that seems targeted specifically at them. The commercial advocates for compassionate viewers to donate $8 per month to sponsor a celebrity’s verified blue checkmark on Twitter. […]
SATIRE – Gardener Lurks In Bushes Waiting To Fire Up Leaf Blower The Second Your Zoom Call Starts
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 2:48pm EDTRAYTOWN, MO — A gardener succeeded in his plot to ruin a local man’s important Zoom call by lurking in the bushes outside the man’s window and firing up his leaf blower as the business meeting began.
SATIRE – Biden Says It May Take Days For Democrat Votes To Be Double-Counted
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 1:25pm EDTWASHINGTON, DC — As the date of next week’s midterm elections approaches, President Joe Biden used his Wednesday night address to warn everyone that the results may not immediately be known because it may take several days for enough Democrat votes to be harvested and double-counted.
SATIRE – Republicans And Democrats Agree To Not Claim Election Was Rigged If They Win
The Babylon Bee - Nov 3rd 2022 11:56am EDTWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark bipartisan agreement, both Republican and Democrat leaders have agreed to accept the results of the 2022 election and not claim everything was rigged — as long as their side wins.
SATIRE – Democrats Worried Republicans May Take Lead Beyond Margin Of Cheating
The Babylon Bee - Nov 2nd 2022 6:35pm EDTU.S. — As Republicans continue to expand their leads in polling across the country, Democrats are worried that the leads may soon grow beyond the normal margin of Democrat cheating.
SATIRE – 15 Job Qualifications To Work For The Fed
The Babylon Bee - Nov 2nd 2022 6:16pm EDTThe Federal Reserve controls the economy, prints trillions of dollars so they can make you poorer without taxing you, and raises interest rates on things because of reasons. Sound like something you’d be interested in?
SATIRE – Meet Gale — The One Person Who Still Thinks Democrats Are Doing A Great Job
The Babylon Bee - Nov 2nd 2022 4:22pm EDTSHELBIANA, KY — After months of searching, authorities have finally located 78-year-old Gale Ashworth, the only known living human who still thinks the Democrats are doing a great job governing the country.
SATIRE – Following Through On Commitment To Address Twitter Disinformation, Elon Suspends New York Times
The Babylon Bee - Nov 2nd 2022 2:04pm EDTSAN FRANCISCO, CA — New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times.