WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of the second consecutive poor monthly jobs report, President Trump has announced that he will be firing math and numbers.
DEARBORN HEIGHTS, MI — In what experts described as a major step toward a greater level of inclusivity for law enforcement agencies across the country, one Michigan police department announced that it would help Muslim immigrants feel more welcome by having its officers wear suicide vests while out on patrol.
DEABORN, MI — Just in time for fall, motorists found out that they were in for a special seasonal treat, as the Ford Motor Company introduced the limited edition Pumpkin Spice F-150 pickup truck.
The Department of Defense is officially being renamed the Department of War, but President Trump isn’t going to stop there. A long list of government agencies is set to get the same treatment.
TOLEDO, OH — In a disappointing turn of events, four young siblings exploring their grandmother’s attic stumbled upon a magical wardrobe that promised a fantastical adventure, only to discover it led to Toledo, Ohio instead.
PYONGYANG — A group of oppressed people arrived in a new land in hopes of making a better life for themselves, as a ship filled with British refugees traveled to North Korea in search of freedom.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Interest in the Senate Finance Committee’s questioning of the Health and Human Services Secretary reached a new high today, as Stephen Colbert’s dancing vaccines were called to testify at Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s hearing.
U.S. — In anticipation of what promised to be a highly competitive pro football season, Calvinist sports analysts at The Babylon Bee predicted that each NFL team would win the games they were predestined to win by the Creator.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump made a surprise announcement this week that he was outsourcing the United States Space Force operations to India and moving its headquarters to Kolkata.
DENVER, CO — Struggling to find a way to get up early to make it in to work on time, a local man decided to go with the foolproof method of setting his dog to vomit at 5:00 AM.
U.S. — In the latest in an ongoing streak of victories that experts predicted would significantly improve the lives of Americans, President Donald Trump announced that he had ordered the U.S. military to bomb a ship smuggling over 30,000 kilos of illegal pumpkin spice.
THE INFERNO — In a stunning tell-all interview from the bowels of Hell, Osama bin Laden said he is getting really friggin’ sick and tired of not getting credit for 9/11.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump laid rumors of health decline to rest yesterday by inviting doubting Democrats to come forward and touch the hole in his ear.
TACOMA, WA — Local husband Jeremy Wright had his internal Lord Of The Rings soundtrack interrupted once again by his wife telling one of her stories about something or whatever.
That lovable ragamuffin Woke Jesus is at it again in a brand-new web series appearing only on Bee Minus. Episodes 1 and 2 are available for free on YouTube, but future episodes will be exclusive to the Bee Minus video platform.
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