DETROIT, MI — Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg recently purchased female crash test dummies in order to restore gender equity in automobile crash testing and safety. Researchers are still unsure how to extract helpful data from the female dummy, however, as after each crash she simply shrugs her shoulders and says she doesn’t know how the […]
HUTCHINSON, KS — A local man has developed an ingenious method to avoid messy audits from the Internal Revenue Service by simply labeling all of his Venmo transactions as “payment to Ukraine.”
NEW YORK, NY — As part of a plan to broaden its audience, the long-running daytime talk show The View has announced former Fox News host Tucker Carlson will be joining the program’s panel. Producers hope Carlson’s presence will both draw new viewers and educate current cast members.
ATLANTA, GA — In a stunning move, media giant CNN has fired anchor Don Lemon. Executives at the network made the decision immediately after coming to the stark realization that Lemon was past his prime.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In order to defeat fascism, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has called for the military to shut down news agencies that say anything unapproved by the government.
U.S. — The American Medical Association has officially added “The View” to its pain scale to help patients better understand what is meant by the term “worst pain possible.”
TYLER, TX — Local wife Katy Benson called her husband Graham this morning to inform him that the minivan had suffered a “rapid unscheduled disassembly”.
PORT ST. LUCIE, FL — A pride parade in Florida has been canceled after DeSantis signed a bill that would require everyone marching in the parade to keep their clothes on in front of the small children in attendance.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is calling on the DOT to address a long-standing inequity by using more gay crash test dummies in their automobile crash safety tests.
SOUTH PADRE ISLAND, TX — SpaceX team members were left confused and awkwardly unsure about how to respond when founder Elon Musk emerged from a darkened room on 4/21 with bloodshot eyes and a relaxed smile while asking if anyone had seen his Starship rocket.
LOS ANGELES, CA — Still embroiled in controversy regarding his recent statement that pornography isn’t that bad if it prevents adultery, conservative pundit Dennis Prager has now clarified that pornography did not in any way contribute to the fact that he has been married three times.
SANTA FE, NM — As part of an agreement with prosecutors to have the charges against him dropped, actor Alec Baldwin is now reportedly only allowed to hold out his finger as a gun in movies from now on.
OAKLAND, CA — A historic change is set to take place in the landscape of Major League Baseball, as the Oakland Athletics announced plans to purchase land in Las Vegas, Nevada to build a new stadium and relocate. Insiders report that the final decision was made after yet another homeless camp appeared along the first […]
NASHVILLE, TN — Even as controversy continues to arise in the wake of Daily Wire personality Matt Walsh’s phone being illegally accessed to hack his Twitter and email accounts, a new report indicates the hack is still ongoing, as someone claiming to be Walsh posted a polite, calm, and mild-mannered tweet to his account.
LOS ANGELES, CA — On the heels of conservative media pundit Dennis Prager stating his belief that consuming pornography is acceptable if it keeps spouses from engaging in adultery, reports indicate the rest of the workforce at PragerU is now awkwardly making every attempt to avoid shaking Prager’s hand.
NEW YORK, NY — Unbelievable! You have to check out this list of 1 MAJOR NEWS SITE that went out of business this week! You have to read it to believe it!
NEW YORK, NY — Watchers of the popular daytime talk program The View were treated to more insightful commentary on global issues this week, as guest Patti LuPone informed the show’s audience that there is no difference between Christians and the Taliban, despite the fact that she would have been silenced, prevented from receiving an […]
U.S. — As a showdown looms over increasing the debt ceiling once again, President Biden warned that partisan bickering over the issue could lead the U.S. to default on its obligations to Ukraine.
NASHVILLE, TN — A damning leak from the hacked emails of conservative commentator Matt Walsh has revealed that in spite of the question posed by his documentary What Is A Woman?, he has actually known what a woman was this entire time.
Yes, Jesus commanded us to “go into all the world and preach the Gospel,” but sometimes it’s really hard. The busyness of life, binge-watching shows, and arguing with people on social media can fill up your day to the point where there just isn’t any time left for telling people about the Good News. Thankfully, […]
CHARLESTON, SC — Local man Daniel Bridgeman found mind wandering after his wife’s story entered a second overtime and ninth detour. Reports confirm he shifted into a panicked prayer, however, as his wife began winding up and he realized she may end her long story with a question.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — All legislative activity was brought to a screeching halt today as returning Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman unintentionally filibustered the Senate for over seven hours while trying to say “Hello.”
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT