ROANOKE, VA — After local grandmother “Granny Mabel” liked a “Make America Great Again” minion meme on Facebook, she noticed an immediate increase in traffic on her rural one-way street. Sources confirm that her suspicion grew when a flower delivery van, plumbing van, and cable company van all parked across the street from her residence, […]
NEWARK, NJ — Critically acclaimed, larger-than-life star Lizzo, recently accepted her music video award at MTV’s VMAs. While doing so, the artist took the time to speak out about the systemic oppression of having to walk all the way down to this stage to accept an award she can’t even eat.
JERUSALEM — A popular YouTuber died suddenly on Monday while filming an unboxing video of the famed Ark of the Covenant. The sacred Jewish artifact, which had recently been discovered by archeologists in a cave outside Jerusalem, had been turned over to the Israel Antiquities Authority who recruited a Gen Z influencer to document the […]
ORLANDO, FL — NASA officials were forced to postpone the eagerly anticipated Artemis launch after discovering a female astronaut had failed to refuel the rocket following its last mission.
While today’s churches seem to have tons of positions and pastors for everything, in the Bible, there are only a few church offices outlined: elder, deacon, and sound guy. Each of these has lofty qualifications to ensure that the person who carries out these tasks is a godly man of character.
BATON ROUGE, LA — A rescue party going through the wreckage formerly known as the “First Baptist Baton Rouge Nursery” found an ominous note scrawled out, warning that “they are coming”.
HOUSTON, TX — Houston pastor Joel Osteen has released an exciting new study Bible where he has carefully gone through and redacted every single word of the text: The Redacted Study Bible.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a standout performance in the FBI’s latest work, Sharpie has landed a huge endorsement deal as the preferred highlighter of America’s federal agents.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Mark Zuckerberg leaked news that the FBI had instructed Facebook to censor posts about Hunter’s laptop, the FBI immediately called Zuckerberg to tell him to censor any posts about that censorship.
TOKYO — Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced a new drug to fix the side effect from their last new drug, which was developed to fix the side effect from the one before that.
NEW YORK – Unknown last-minute entrant Novako Djomunoz has suddenly become the talk of the U.S. Open tennis tournament, showing world-class talent as he swept through qualifiers.
AKRON, OH — The Perry family made their annual appearance at Oak Hills Birthing Center this week, getting their punch card stamped for the sixth time — and now they’re just one more stamp away from getting a free delivery, according to sources.
BOCA RATON, FL — Authorities responded to a level 5 event in Boca Raton Friday after Ben Shapiro casually strolled through a Whole Foods Market, resulting in the death of thousands.
U.S. — The nation is reportedly facing yet another shortage under the Biden administration, this time on black printer ink. The culprit appears to be the affidavit justifying the search of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home, as nearly the entire packet was redacted with black lines through just about everything the Justice Department typed up to support […]
DAYTON, OH — According to sources, local woman Grace Barton committed to reveal her most recent Target receipt to her husband by noon today, but when she submitted the document, almost every word and line item on the receipt was redacted with a thick black bar.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Harvard University announced Friday that they have recruited U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren to teach a class on why college is so expensive. Warren, who still has senatorial duties, will be teaching the course on a part-time basis for a modest fee of $400,000 per semester.
U.S. — The Department of Justice has released the redacted affidavit leading to the search of former president Trump’s home at Mar-a-Lago, and it appears every single word was blacked out except three in the middle: ORANGE MAN BAD.
AUSTIN, TX — “Whoa, bro. Whoa,” said Joe Rogan as he interviewed Mark Zuckerberg earlier this week. “Did… did you just, like, blink your eyes sideways?”
We applaud you for stepping up and allowing the government to take your money and invest it in the education of complete strangers, just as good and faithful Christians should.
U.S. — A surprising new study found that the average lifetime earnings of graduates who have earned a gender studies degree rose sharply to $10,000 this week.
HUNTERS RIDGE, MS — Local wife and mother of three Hannah Baxter was tired of constantly reminding her husband, Brad, to put his socks in the dirty clothes hamper. So, she got passive-aggressive and had “I did that!” stickers printed with his face on it.
AKRON, OH – New dad Lowell Cherry said that he is recovering well after a trying ordeal in the delivery room for the birth of his fifth child. Cherry says he had to spend all night on an uncomfortable bench-couch with no snacks while his wife was in labor.
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple has added an exciting new reality show to its streaming lineup which will follow the Clintons around as they murder anyone who might have dirt on them.
PORTLAND, OR — President Biden has recently announced that he will be canceling $10,000 in student loan debt for all borrowers who cannot pay for loans they were forced into against their will. Local man Anthony Harb has agreed to recount his gut-wrenching and harrowing story of how he was coerced at gunpoint below: Powered […]
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