U.S. — According to sources, Americans no longer need dystopian sci-fi novels to serve as ominous warnings of authoritarian control or societal collapse, as they now have England for that.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to growing concern across the country about rampant crime in the nation’s capital, President Donald Trump vowed to drastically reduce the number of criminals in Washington, D.C., by sending members of Congress home.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the announcement that the president had ordered the federalization of law enforcement in the nation’s capital, Washington, D.C., Mayor Muriel Bowser warned that Trump’s crime-fighting measures would unfairly impact criminals.
After declaring himself chair of the 2028 Olympic Task Force, President Trump wasted no time in making much-needed alterations to the summer games. Here are eight changes that will be coming when the Olympics heads to Los Angeles:
U.S. — Spirit Airlines flight attendants have begun advertising that in the event of a water landing, passengers will have the option of purchasing a lifejacket for $39.99.
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — With all the ongoing controversy over inappropriate items being thrown onto the court during basketball games, a local family struggled to answer their grandmother’s question about why everyone is talking about the WNBA these days.
U.S. — Radioactive debris from the planet Krypton, known as Kryptonite, was discovered at the site of an ICE raid on Friday, signaling that Mexican cartels had begun carrying the dangerous substance in an attempt to thwart new ICE agent Dean Cain.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After President Donald Trump ordered census takers to only include U.S. citizens in their counts, Democrats warned the country that the new rule could negate all the illegal alien votes Joe Biden worked so hard to bring in.
U.S. — As a result of lengthy production delays, the child actors of the popular Netflix show Stranger Things have aged out of their roles, and the show has been forced to pivot, moving its setting from the suburban neighborhood and school yards of Hawkins, Indiana, to a haunted nursing home.
BURBANK, CA — In the conclusion to a years-long legal battle, actress and former MMA fighter Gina Carano announced that she had reached an agreement to settle with Disney and would subsequently replace Pedro Pascal in all movies.
Are you feeling depressed? Lethargic? A new study says you may just need to go for a run, as the misery of running will distract you from your depression.
Are you feeling depressed? Lethargic? A new study says you may just need to go for a run, as the misery of running will distract you from your depression.
ATLANTA, GA — The qualifications of a new female Major League Baseball umpire were called into question today as, during a simulated game the night before, she ejected a player for something he did in her dream last night.
TULSA, OK — Witnesses said local wife Danielle Matson perked up quickly after hearing the sound of her husband, Dave, plopping down on the couch, as it instantly reminded her of all the things she needed him to do for her.
TULSA, OK — Witnesses said local wife Danielle Matson perked up quickly after hearing the sound of her husband, Dave, plopping down on the couch, as it instantly reminded her of all the things she needed him to do for her.
TULSA, OK — Witnesses said local wife Danielle Matson perked up quickly after hearing the sound of her husband, Dave, plopping down on the couch, as it instantly reminded her of all the things she needed him to do for her.
With the country facing an astronomical deficit unlike anything previous generations could have imagined, President Donald Trump has reportedly made it a priority to take the situation more seriously and begin the hard work of getting the country out of the hole.
With the country facing an astronomical deficit unlike anything previous generations could have imagined, President Donald Trump has reportedly made it a priority to take the situation more seriously and begin the hard work of getting the country out of the hole.
With the country facing an astronomical deficit unlike anything previous generations could have imagined, President Donald Trump has reportedly made it a priority to take the situation more seriously and begin the hard work of getting the country out of the hole.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.
PHILIPPI — A palpable change in tone and demeanor exhibited by a pair of traveling preachers was observed today, as the apostles quickly started acting more pious after they noticed their companion, Luke, watching and taking notes.
TREMONTON, UT — Local man Randy Carson encouraged himself this week upon realizing that he’d be the world’s most awesome dad if it weren’t for these rotten kids he has.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation’s population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT