WASHINGTON, D.C. — Arizona Senator Elizabeth Warren called for a dramatic change to the U.S. tax code that would apply an additional 90% tax rate on puppies.
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Former First Lady Dr. Jill Biden revealed in an interview that she thought her husband Joe was having a stroke during the 2024 Presidential debate, which is why she left him up on stage to die.
KANSAS CITY, KS — With economic concerns still growing across the United States, one local family explained that they feel they have been hit especially hard by the price of necessities like gas, groceries, Netflix, DoorDash, Discount Wine Club, and their Pie-of-the-Month subscription, and other basic essentials.
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a decisive move toward preventing any citizen journalists from uncovering massive fraud and corruption in the state moving forward, California officially passed a law making it a crime to report a crime.
AUSTIN, TX — Representative James Talarico was seen today gleefully dropkicking a labradoodle as he assured onlookers that Jesus had never explicitly said that you can’t dropkick a labradoodle.
NASHVILLE, TN — The Southern Baptist Convention voted to adopt a new church policy on Wednesday where tasers can be used on visitors who try to sneak past the church greeters.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite ongoing bombing operations being carried out in recent days, members of the Trump White House announced that the peace deal with Iran was completely done except for all the important parts.
RED ROCKS, CO — Local concertgoers experienced a wave of dread Friday night when indie-rock front man Julian Vance announced the band was going to “play a little something from the new album.”
CALGARY — One elderly woman was convinced that her life was soon going to change forever, as the Canadian grandmother expressed excitement after hearing that her family was preparing to hire a MAID.
TEXAS — With the field now set for the Texas Senate race, Democrats are hopeful that the average Texan voter wants to ban steak and believes God is gay.
PROVO, UT — Local wife Allie Goodman told her husband that she identified with all five of the common “love languages,” and she was not sure which one she wanted today, but he was just going to have to guess.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tragedy unfolded in the nation’s capital again today, as multiple assassins attempting to kill President Donald Trump accidentally shot each other.
BETHESDA, MD — Results from President Donald Trump’s 6-month physical at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center appeared to show that his midi-chlorian count is “off the charts.”
VATICAN CITY — A new papal encyclical warning about the dangers of AI reportedly provoked an answer from AI language model Grok, which published 95 theses responding to the Catholic Church.
TUCSON, AZ — Parents of high school graduate David Simpson helped their son sound out the words on his diploma after the teen expressed frustration at not being able to read the words on the piece of paper.
CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Police Department confirmed on Tuesday morning that every single resident of the city had been shot over the long holiday weekend.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Chuck Schumer reportedly spent Memorial Day alone with his thoughts after having killed all of his backyard barbecue guests the previous year by serving them raw hamburger beef infected with E. coli.
BETHLEHEM — As Ruth was about to come pick up extra crops left for her in the fields, workers reportedly spotted Boaz carefully arranging stalks of grain on the ground to spell out “Hey Gurl.”
The first Star Wars feature film in seven years should have been a grand event. But from the moment the opening text rolled, it was clear something was amiss. Yes, the story is classic pulp adventure, in the beloved style of Star Wars and Indiana Jones, but it was glaringly obvious that something was missing […]
News broke this morning that the United States and Iran have agreed to the framework of a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon Bee has managed to secure a leaked copy. Here, presented for the first time anywhere, are the terms each side has committed to:
U.S. — After yet another failed assassination attempt against President Trump yesterday, the national media has agreed to just start reporting when Trump wasn’t shot at.
BANGOR, ME — Democratic Senate candidate Graham Platner has smoothed things over with supporters by covering up his Nazi death squad tattoo with a new tattoo of the communist hammer and sickle.
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