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News From The Babylon Bee, Page 5

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  • Op-Ed: No One Talks Anymore About the Dangers Of Jazz Music (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 20th 2025 6:25pm EST

    Everyone used to know about the treacherous pitfalls of listening to jazz music — how it would lead to a life of sin and debauchery. Somehow, people stopped talking about the dangers of jazz, even though the music never changed.

  • Investigation Reveals Pelosi Purchased $10 Million Of Taco Bell Stock Day Before Marijuana Rule Change (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 20th 2025 3:02pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — An investigation has revealed that Representative Nancy Pelosi purchased $10 million in Taco Bell stock the day before President Trump loosened marijuana regulations.

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  • 7 Other Things Trump Is Naming After Himself (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 3:48pm EST

    Donald Trump loves Donald Trump. And who can blame him? That’s why it’s super cool and not at all strange that the iconic Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is being renamed the Trump-Kennedy Center. But this is only the beginning.

  • 7 Other Things Trump Is Naming After Himself (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 3:48pm EST

    Donald Trump loves Donald Trump. And who can blame him? That’s why it’s super cool and not at all strange that the iconic Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is being renamed the Trump-Kennedy Center. But this is only the beginning.

  • Trump Hard At Work Coming Up With Insulting Plaque For Rutherford B. Hayes (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 2:17pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — After writing gloriously disparaging plaques for dozens of subpar presidents in the White House’s “Presidential Walk of Fame,” Trump was reportedly working late into the night to come up with a sufficiently insulting plaque for Rutherford B. Hayes.

  • Trump Hard At Work Coming Up With Insulting Plaque For Rutherford B. Hayes (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 2:17pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — After writing gloriously disparaging plaques for dozens of subpar presidents in the White House’s “Presidential Walk of Fame,” Trump was reportedly working late into the night to come up with a sufficiently insulting plaque for Rutherford B. Hayes.

  • Ben Shapiro Delivers Blistering 3-Hour AmFest Speech In Just 17 Seconds (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 1:08pm EST

    PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at AmFest, a four-day event held at the Phoenix Convention Center, nearly had their eardrums ruptured Thursday after conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro delivered a blistering 3-hour speech in just 17 seconds.

  • Ben Shapiro Delivers Blistering 3-Hour AmFest Speech In Just 17 Seconds (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 1:08pm EST

    PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at AmFest, a four-day event held at the Phoenix Convention Center, nearly had their eardrums ruptured Thursday after conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro delivered a blistering 3-hour speech in just 17 seconds.

  • Every Single Parking Spot To Be Either Handicapped Or Online Pickup By 2027 (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 12:56pm EST

    U.S. — People struggling to find a parking space will soon have their work cut out for them, as it’s now expected that every single parking spot in the United States will be either handicapped or online pick-up only no later than 2027.

  • Every Single Parking Spot To Be Either Handicapped Or Online Pickup By 2027 (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 12:56pm EST

    U.S. — People struggling to find a parking space will soon have their work cut out for them, as it’s now expected that every single parking spot in the United States will be either handicapped or online pick-up only no later than 2027.

  • Tucker Carlson Interrupts Speech For Evening Prayer To Mecca (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 12:13pm EST

    PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at Turning Point’s AmFest 2025 event experienced an awkward moment last night, as Tucker Carlson interrupted his own speech for an evening prayer to Mecca.

  • Tucker Carlson Interrupts Speech For Evening Prayer To Mecca (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 19th 2025 12:13pm EST

    PHOENIX, AZ — Attendees at Turning Point’s AmFest 2025 event experienced an awkward moment last night, as Tucker Carlson interrupted his own speech for an evening prayer to Mecca.

  • ‘I Hate You, Too’ — OpEd By Your Printer (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 5:38pm EST

    Let’s drop the act. I know how you really feel about me, and you know what? I hate you, too.

  • ‘I Hate You, Too’ — OpEd By Your Printer (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 5:38pm EST

    Let’s drop the act. I know how you really feel about me, and you know what? I hate you, too.

  • Trump Eases Marijuana Restrictions After Reviewing Extensive Research By Dr. S. Dogg (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 5:24pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Thursday softening the federal stance on marijuana after extensively reviewing notes from a “Dr. S. Dogg.”

  • Trump Eases Marijuana Restrictions After Reviewing Extensive Research By Dr. S. Dogg (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 5:24pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Thursday softening the federal stance on marijuana after extensively reviewing notes from a “Dr. S. Dogg.”

  • Democrats Blast Republicans For Trying To Put Hardworking Genital Mutilators Out Of Business (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 4:54pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Congress prepared to vote on legislation that would prevent gender transitioning treatment from being given to minors, Democrats blasted Republicans for trying to put hardworking genital mutilators out of business.

  • Democrats Blast Republicans For Trying To Put Hardworking Genital Mutilators Out Of Business (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 4:54pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Congress prepared to vote on legislation that would prevent gender transitioning treatment from being given to minors, Democrats blasted Republicans for trying to put hardworking genital mutilators out of business.

  • 9 Classic Villains Who Need A Sympathetic Origin Story Prequel (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 3:50pm EST

    It’s all the rage these days — well-known villains getting the hero treatment with origin stories that show how misunderstood they’ve been all the time. But what other classic bad guys could benefit from this fad?

  • Trump Reduces D.C. Crime So Much Police Chief Resigns Out Of Boredom (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 3:08pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. Police Chief Pamela Smith reportedly stepped down from her duties on Thursday because President Donald Trump had reduced crime in the city so drastically that it had made her really bored.

  • Trump Reduces D.C. Crime So Much Police Chief Resigns Out Of Boredom (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 3:08pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — D.C. Police Chief Pamela Smith reportedly stepped down from her duties on Thursday because President Donald Trump had reduced crime in the city so drastically that it had made her really bored.

  • To Show Solidarity With Trans Kids, Corey Booker To Get His Vagina Removed (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 2:25pm EST

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ahead of a Senate vote on a bill to ban gender-transition surgeries for minors, Senator Corey Booker pledged his unwavering support for the trans community and showed solidarity with trans kids by announcing his plan to get his vagina removed.

  • Wife Gets Husband’s Attention By Dressing Up As P-38 Lightning (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 18th 2025 2:04pm EST

    MONROVIA, CA — A local wife revealed that she found the perfect way to get her husband’s attention after dressing up as the historic Lockheed P-38 Lightning fighter aircraft.

  • Everyone In Michigan Arrested Just To Be Safe (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 17th 2025 5:51pm EST

    ANN ARBOR, MI — In the wake of police arresting University of Michigan’s football coach Sherrone Moore, authorities have decided to go ahead and just arrest everyone else in Michigan, just to be safe.

  • 9 Booby Traps That Were Cut From ‘Home Alone’ (Satire)

    The Babylon Bee - Dec 17th 2025 4:58pm EST

    The holiday classic Home Alone featured some of the most iconic improvised booby traps in movie history, but did you know that the original script included many more of them?

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