U.S. — To improve efficiency with their time management, sports journalists covering Major League Baseball announced that they would now only report on any free agents the Los Angeles Dodgers do not sign to their team.
Civilians having encounters with law enforcement have been all over the news lately, leading some people to wonder what they can do to avoid aggressive treatment from police and federal agents.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump warned this week that if the Minnesota government is unable to get the riots under control, he will be forced to start posting online using all-caps.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Kathleen Kennedy was reportedly very sad to leave Lucasfilm before she had the chance to make a trilogy of Star Wars movies about Rey getting her first period.
TUSCON, AZ — During a routine aircraft inspection at the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, inspectors witnessed President Trump approach a Northrop B-2 Spirit stealth bomber and gently caress it while whispering, “Shhh… you’ll get your chance soon.”
TUSCON, AZ — During a routine aircraft inspection at the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, inspectors witnessed President Trump approach a Northrop B-2 Spirit stealth bomber and gently caress it while whispering, “Shhh… you’ll get your chance soon.”
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Following recent developments stemming from political protests and clashes with the federal government across the state, Minnesota announced that it had changed the official state bird to a screaming lesbian.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to an anonymous White House source, a U.S. military strike on Iran had been delayed until President Donald Trump could consult with Whoopi Goldberg.
SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER — The exploration of other strange, new worlds and the seeking out of new life and new civilizations hit an unexpected snag this week, as Starfleet’s newest vessel was reportedly unable to reach warp speed because the crew was too fat.
SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER — The exploration of other strange, new worlds and the seeking out of new life and new civilizations hit an unexpected snag this week, as Starfleet’s newest vessel was reportedly unable to reach warp speed because the crew was too fat.
BRUSSELS — Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the U.S. to help it defend Greenland from the U.S.
BRUSSELS — Amid the looming threat of a U.S. military takeover of Greenland, NATO requested emergency aid from the U.S. to help it defend Greenland from the U.S.
U.S. — Progressive researchers working with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU ) said they were only a mere 15-20 years away from finding out what a woman is.
U.S. — In yet another potentially ominous sign that President Donald Trump was dead-set on the United States acquiring the territory for strategic and national security purposes, new U.S. Army recruitment ads offered prospective enlistees the opportunity to “Visit Lovelty Greenland.”
U.S. — After watching the news of the Iranian government executing tens of thousands of protestors, political commentator Tucker Carlson expressed amazement at how clean and well-run the murders were.
TEHRAN — As Iranian protestors were shot dead in the streets, President Trump made good on his promise to come to their aid by having thousands of “Make Iran Great Again” hats airdropped all over the country.
NEW YORK, NY — According to filings to the Federal Court of the southern district of New York, former President Bill Clinton says he will gladly testify on the Epstein case just as soon as he gets back from this really cool island.
NEW YORK, NY — According to filings to the Federal Court of the southern district of New York, former President Bill Clinton says he will gladly testify on the Epstein case just as soon as he gets back from this really cool island.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court took a break from deliberations regarding individuals competing in sports designated for the opposite sex to bring in an expert five-year-old boy to explain the difference between boys and girls.
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