It’s a scientific fact — women are mercurial, and every husband knows how challenging it can be to remain the object of a wife’s attention and adoration. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has solved this universal riddle and put together the following list of things that all wives will find irresistibly sexy:
NEW YORK, NY — In addition to exploring the use of a “golden at-bat” in which teams could send their best hitter to the plate regardless of who was due up in the lineup, Major League Baseball is considering other ways to increase excitement during games, including allowing each team to call in one tactical […]
NEW YORK — New York City prosecutors have vowed to punish the wall-crawling menace known as Spider-Man for acting on his own accord to save the lives of dozens of people on a subway.
NEW YORK, NY — In addition to exploring the use of a “golden at-bat” in which teams could send their best hitter to the plate regardless of who was due up in the lineup, Major League Baseball is considering other ways to increase excitement during games, including allowing each team to call in one tactical […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court of the United States is bringing its many decades of collective legal experience to bear as it carefully considers whether a guy slicing body parts off of children with a giant knife is bad.
PALM BEACH, FL — In his most impactful promise yet in the lead-up to being inaugurated in January, President-elect Donald Trump announced an ambitious plan to annex the nation of Canada and rename it “Gay North Dakota.”
Any married woman can tell you how hard it can sometimes be to find the perfect Christmas present for their husband. Men can often be stoic, inscrutable, unreadable — how is a wife supposed to find out just what he wants?
HEAVEN — A popular question was finally answered today, as a messenger from heaven revealed that God does believe in Jordan Peterson, but only as a metaphorical idea and not as a concrete fact.
HEAVEN — A popular question was finally answered today, as a messenger from heaven revealed that God does believe in Jordan Peterson, but only as a metaphorical idea and not as a concrete fact.
Though science has unequivocally shown that life is far more difficult for men than it is for women, many ignorant people still argue the opposite. That’s why we’ve consulted with top man experts to prove to you how much more difficult life is for us men than for women.
U.S. — To the delight of millions, President-Elect Trump has announced that future FBI Director Kash Patel and DOGE co-leader Vivek Ramaswamy will celebrate the inauguration with an epic Bollywood ceremony.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the transition to a new administration imminent, former Chief Medical Advisor Dr. Anthony Fauci announced plans to flee Donald Trump’s America and spend the rest of his life making little fudge cookies in a tree.
SEOUL — South Korea is now in the throes of a political crisis following an emergency declaration of martial law by President Yoon Suk Yeol in response to what he calls a totalitarian threat to democracy. South Koreans have resolved to protest what they view as an egregious overreach of government authority just as soon […]
U.S. — After the grotesque pink design of the new Jaguar was leaked to the public, the nation’s gays have confirmed they are not really interested in the new car and will just stick with their very gay Mustang convertibles.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After news broke that he had received a full presidential pardon from his father for any crimes committed in the last decade, Hunter Biden immediately asked officials from the U.S. Secret Service if he could get his baggie of cocaine back from the White House.
CORINTH — Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, reportedly left an Elf on the Shelf at the struggling church in Corinth where it can safely monitor everyone’s sins.
U.S. — President-Elect Donald Trump announced his intent to appoint former federal prosecutor Kash Patel as head of the FBI after being unable to get a hold of his first choice, Special Agent Fox Mulder.
NORTH POLE — As operations at the North Pole ramped up in preparation for Christmas, Santa Claus confirmed that Hunter Biden was still on the “naughty” list despite receiving a full presidential pardon.
NORTH POLE — As operations at the North Pole ramped up in preparation for Christmas, Santa Claus confirmed that Hunter Biden was still on the “naughty” list despite receiving a full presidential pardon.
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THE EAST — According to sources, the wives of the Three Wise Men questioned their husbands over their self-proclaimed title, “The Three Wise Men.”
