PALM BEACH, FL — As the public awaited the changes that come along with the transition to a new presidential administration, President-elect Donald Trump announced a plan to deport 5,000 illegal immigrants in one pre-owned Honda Civic hatchback.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris’s potential second attempt at the White House hit a disappointing obstacle this week, as the failed candidate learned that her 2028 presidential campaign was already $700 million in debt.
STEUBENVILLE, OH — Modern-minded parishioners of St. Peter’s, a church connected to a Benedictine monastery, were pleased to hear that the monks would begin offering a second Sunday service with upbeat contemporary chants.
PALM BEACH, FL — President-elect Donald Trump officially announced that he plans to impose a 25% tariff on all imports from California into the United States.
In a few days, Americans across the nation will be slaving away in the kitchen, setting the table, and launching headlong into heated arguments with their blood relatives. But with many families tired of the same old political disagreements, new argument topics are sorely needed.
AUSTIN, TX — As rumors continued to swirl of his interest in purchasing the beleaguered cable news channel, reports indicated that entrepreneur Elon Musk was waiting for a Black Friday “half-off” sale so he could buy MSNBC for just $30.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In what experts praised as a significant breakthrough in the field of mental health, a new study showed that most cases of depression in men can be solved by reading books about the Civil War while sitting by a roaring fire in the study.
ENCHANTED FOREST — Evil Queen Grimhilde resorted to turning her magic mirror off and back on after the mirror claimed that Rachel Zegler was the fairest woman in all the kingdom.
NORTH POLE — Elves in Santa’s workshop marched out in protest this week to voice their complaints about declining wages due to an influx of undocumented elves flooding the North Pole.
NEW YORK, NY — Following what had been a tumultuous election season and notable instances of panel members having to read legal notes on the air, the rating for The View soared after producers introduced ejection seats for when hosts make inaccurate statements.
NEW YORK, NY — Following what had been a tumultuous election season and notable instances of panel members having to read legal notes on the air, the rating for The View soared after producers introduced ejection seats for when hosts make inaccurate statements.
PALM BEACH, FL — Less than one month after the presidential election and still eight weeks away from his inauguration, experts have already confirmed that President-Elect Donald Trump now has the hottest cabinet of all time.
RENO, NV — Local conspiracy theorist Matthew Dorman went on an unhinged rant this morning, professing to a friend that he did not believe in the existence of dragons.
U.S. — In a dramatic move that could shake up the media industry, Elon Musk has announced his intent to purchase MSNBC and turn the channel into a news network.
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Following his portrayal as Steve in the Minecraft movie, Jack Black has announced that he has just accepted an invitation to play Lara Croft in an upcoming Tomb Raider movie.
EL PASO, TX — Americans were assured that the solution to the migrant crisis along the southern U.S. border was close at hand, as soon-to-be Border Czar Tom Homan revealed plans to introduce a family-size trebuchet to speed up the deportation process.
CAMBRIDGE — Though it was long thought to be prohibited except for reasons of sexual immorality, Bible scholars now say they have uncovered definitive evidence that divorce is also authorized in extreme cases when a spouse is caught playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
With Hollywood mainstays like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi escaping the hostility of the United States, how can America possibly hope to maintain its cultural impact? It may be time to admit that the American dream is now dead and it’s only going to get worse from here. The Babylon Bee has learned of […]
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Comedian and former longtime Tonight Show host Jay Leno, who fell 60 feet down a hill last weekend, was expected to make a full recovery until he was attacked by an angry chihuahua that made him step on a rake, which knocked him into the street where he was hit by […]
KANSAS CITY, MO — Not long into what promised to be an eventful offseason, the Kansas City Royals learned that they had been eliminated from the list of teams pursuing free agent outfielder Juan Soto after he asked for more than the $50,000 per year and Amazon gift card the team had offered.
AUSTIN, TX — Comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan, a professed believer in dragons, pushed back against naysayers by presenting a thought-provoking argument, asking if dragons weren’t real, then what exactly was he riding through hyperspace on while smoking pot with machine elves last night?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-Elect Donald Trump’s cabinet picks continued to stir up controversy on Capitol Hill and across the country, as he announced that he had officially nominated Catturd for FBI Director.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-Elect Donald Trump’s cabinet picks continued to stir up controversy on Capitol Hill and across the country, as he announced that he had officially nominated Catturd for FBI Director.
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