WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anonymous sources within the White House confirmed reports of rising tension between President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris after Harris allegedly asked Biden to stop doing the Trump dance during cabinet meetings.
Much has been made about President-Elect Donald Trump’s decision to place Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in charge of the Department of Health and Human Services, with some members of the media speculating that it will end life in America as we know it. But just what plans does RFK Jr. have in store to make […]
U.S. — Tech companies are reportedly getting ready for a future in which all liberals will require their own individual social media platforms so they can avoid encountering wrong opinions.
PALM BEACH, FL — President-elect Donald Trump just announced that he has successfully brought a resolution to the Russia-Ukraine war by convincing Putin and Zelenskyy to resolve their differences with a monster Beyblade fight.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Having failed to stop him thus far, Democrats have implemented their last-ditch attempt to prevent Donald Trump from taking office by starting World War 3.
U.S. — The upcoming Secretary of Health & Human Services has reportedly ballooned to a horrific 350 lbs after a single bite of McDonald’s. Sources confirm Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. was bullied into taking a bite of the unhealthy food for a photo op aboard Trump Force One.
WILMINGTON, DE — After finding out how much money former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson made from his highly publicized Netflix exhibition fight, failed presidential candidate Kamala Harris announced plans to pay back her $20 million campaign debt by agreeing to fight Jake Paul early next year.
FORT WAYNE, IN — Local man Everett Johnson recently discovered an incredible Christian hack when he closed his morning prayer by asking for “infinity more” prayers.
The scourge of wokeness came for every part of our lives, and stole so many things we held dear to our hearts. Here are eight of the things that we will never forgive wokeness for taking from us:
ORLANDO, FL — In an attempt to win back customers, struggling restaurant chain Red Lobster has rolled out a new promotion called their “Reasonable Amount Of Shrimp” deal.
U.S. — Citizens in the most obese, unhealthy country on the face of the planet have expressed concern that new Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. might try to do a few things differently.
U.S. — After winding up in debt from blowing through $1.2 billion in just three months, Vice President Kamala Harris called in to the Dave Ramsey Show to ask for some financial guidance.
U.S. — In the aftermath of what was a bitter and contentious presidential election season, signs of national unity began to appear, as Democrats and Republicans across the country found common ground in rooting for Jake Paul to get punched in the face.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Reports circulated today that President-Elect Donald Trump was worried that large numbers of corrupt government officials would start quitting before he would have the opportunity to tell them, “You’re fired.”
U.S. — In response to an alarming new trend of women vowing to abstain from sex because Donald Trump was re-elected president, conservative husbands across the country have chosen to fall on their swords and have twice as much sex to save America’s birth rate from further decline.
WASHINTON, D.C. — Presumptive cabinet member and amateur bodybuilder Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. was reportedly attacked late last night by a gang of assailants matching the description of Count Chocula, Chester Cheetah, and the Kool-Aid Man.
GAINESVILLE, FL — Sources close to local man Jerry Smathers said the 25-year-old revealed himself to be a total sociopath after he responded to his friend’s casual greeting of “How’s it going?” by actually explaining how his life was going.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panicked sources within the nation’s capital expressed fear that the entire governmental bureaucracy that had been methodically built up over the last century was about to be dismantled by an Indian guy and an autistic African American obsessed with rockets.
The American people have spoken, leaving Kamala Harris on her way out of office and looking toward whatever may come next for her. What does the future hold for her?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Government Efficiency has wasted no time in identifying 535 government employees residing in the Capitol Building who haven’t done any work in years.
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