WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation abuzz following the announcement that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy will be leading a Department of Government Efficiency to trim wasteful spending, Democrats expressed worries that if the government became more efficient, they’d be forced to light giant piles of money on fire on their own.
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Despite extensive investigation, experts disclosed they were unable to determine if the angry-looking bald person you saw today was a neo-nazi or simply a progressive feminist woman.
PALM BEACH, FL — The transition period leading up to Donald Trump retaking power took a surprising turn today, as Trump’s nomination of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General raised eyebrows.
GORGOROTH, MORDOR — Orcs have banded together in protest of King Aragorn following his coronation in Minas Tirith, announcing a sex strike until he is dethroned.
America is abuzz with the news that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy will be heading up the Department of Government Efficiency, tasked with cutting out all the unnecessary jobs and expenditures in the federal government. Here are the first ten government positions on the chopping block when DOGE takes the helm:
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that surprised both Trump insiders and everyone else in the nation, the president-elect announced today his pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Megadeth founder and frontman Dave Mustaine.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that surprised both Trump insiders and everyone else in the nation, the president-elect announced today his pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Megadeth founder and frontman Dave Mustaine.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that surprised both Trump insiders and everyone else in the nation, the president-elect announced today his pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Megadeth founder and frontman Dave Mustaine.
U.S. — Christian influencer Richard Kickrider published a video on YouTube highlighting what he calls “a radical new life hack” where you can shave 7 books off your Bible-in-a-year plan by simply converting from Catholic to Protestant.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats are sounding the alarm over Trump’s stated plan to shutter the Department of Education, saying such a move would put millions of kids in danger of becoming too smart to vote Democrat.
U.S. — Newly appointed Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has wasted no time in announcing plans to make the department leaner and more efficient, pledging to immediately cut the K-9 workforce by 90% as soon as she takes command.
U.S. — Newly appointed Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has wasted no time in announcing plans to make the department leaner and more efficient, pledging to immediately cut the K-9 workforce by 90% as soon as she takes command.
U.S. — Newly appointed Secretary for the Department of Homeland Security Kristi Noem has wasted no time in announcing plans to make the department leaner and more efficient, pledging to immediately cut the K-9 workforce by 90% as soon as she takes command.
U.S. — In one of the most truly magnanimous gestures in all of human history, the Babylon Bee is officially offering to hire all the employees being laid off by Fake News rival CNN.
U.S. — The party responsible for appointing a Transportation Secretary whose only relevant experience was an apparent love of for toy trains has declared Trump’s cabinet picks “unqualified.”
U.S. — Donald Trump’s appointment of key administration officials got off to a rocky start this week, as liberals became enraged at the notion of having a Border Czar who vowed to secure the border.
Donald Trump has won re-election, starting the world’s eventual descent into darkness, destruction, and despair. With the annihilation of the world as we know it now imminent, many people are wondering how the end will come.
GARY, IN — Local woman Sheila Brown just wasn’t in the mood for comedy the other night, according to her husband Nigel. Fortunately, however, the couple had a perfect solution: watching SNL.
SAN CARLOS, CA — Tesla has just released a long-awaited addition to its lineup of self-driving cars. According to several sources, the brand-new Tesla Model W is a self-crashing car designed especially for women.
AFRICA — A perky, bright-eyed group of African kids was recently disappointed to receive a bunch of overstock “Harris-Walz” hats along with their shipment of New York Yankees World Championship shirts from America.
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a statement intended to assuage the fears of Democratic voters throughout the state, Governor Gavin Newsom assured Californians that they would be kept safe from all of the Trump administration’s prosperity, safety, and lower prices.
With the imminent threat of climate change, alien invasion, zombie attacks, dangerous MAGA terrorists, and countless other possible scenarios, the world could literally end before you finish reading this sentence. Oh, good – looks like it didn’t. But that doesn’t mean you’re safe. In The Babylon Bee Guide to The Apocalypse, the writers of trusted […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of Kamala Harris’ embarrassing defeat in the recent presidential election, top politicians in the Democrat Party have stepped forward and vowed to improve their outreach to “disgusting, bigoted, misogynists” next time around.
Donald Trump has been re-elected, and it’s time for Trump to assemble a new team of brilliant minds to serve in his cabinet. But just who will he choose to restore America to its former glory?
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Voters around the nation were immeasurably grieved to hear that the candidate who 0verspent her campaign account by millions of dollars will now never get the opportunity to fix the American economy.
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