PALM BEACH, FL — Just four days after winning the election, President-Elect Donald Trump already finished solving every single problem in the world and will sadly now have nothing to do for the next four years.
BURBANK, CA — Liberal woman Marcie Galveston was forced to film herself having a second post-election meltdown this week after she realized she forgot to hit the record button on her phone the first time around.
Our long national nightmare is over. Donald Trump has been elected president again and life in the United States — and, indeed, the world — will never be the same again. Need further proof? Consider this selection of undeniable miracles that have taken place in just the short time since Trump won the election.
MALIBU, CA — In an impassioned announcement made in protest of President-Elect Donald Trump’s victory Tuesday night, celebrity Rosie O’Donnell vowed to continue her sex strike that has already reached 38 years.
U.S. — In the wake of Tuesday’s presidential election, liberal women across the country vowed this week to seek revenge on Donald Trump and his supporters by committing themselves to sexual abstinence, attending church, getting married, and starting families.
AMSTERDAM — The Anne Frank House museum announced today that it was currently closed to tourists following a slew of anti-semitic attacks in the area, leading to a sudden influx of approximately 1,000 Jews hiding in the home’s attic.
ARVADA, CO — A group of the country’s leading parent scientists announced this week that they were now very close to discovering what the heck you’re supposed to do to a kid after you’ve counted to three.
U.S. — All staffmember at the Federal Bureau of Investigation were granted a special “Grieving Day” on Friday so they could take time off to be with their families and mourn the results of the 2024 presidential election.
U.S. — All staffmember at the Federal Bureau of Investigation were granted a special “Grieving Day” on Friday so they could take time off to be with their families and mourn the results of the 2024 presidential election.
PALM BEACH, FL — Sources close to President-Elect Donald Trump confirmed that the he would declare January 6 a new national holiday as soon as he takes office next year.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Early reports from Capitol Hill indicated that President-Elect Donald Trump’s upcoming second term was already off to a contentious start, with Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi reportedly drafting articles of impeachment against him for his involvement in the 2024 presidential election.
WITTENBERG — Reformed leaders announced this week the creation of an anime John Calvin to fight against the Roman Catholic Church’s character Luce in an epic Dragon Ball Z-style battle.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, Elon Musk is preparing for his first day at the White House by hauling three wells to the door so he can knock and then say “Well, well, well.”
U.S. — Controversy erupted today following Donald Trump’s landslide election victory, as Democrats admitted that Trump actually won in 2020 and is therefore now ineligible to serve a third term as president.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his first public speech following Donald Trump’s landslide victory on Tuesday, an emotional President Joe Biden was clearly devastated over Kamala Harris’s lopsided loss.
CHICAGO, IL — Local man Keith Stafford was reportedly left lonely and forlorn yesterday after he stopped receiving text messages from political campaigns.
U.S. — In the wake of her devastating loss to Donald Trump in the 2024 presidential election, Vice President Kamala Harris urged the people dancing and celebrating in the streets to not to be too depressed about the future.
U.S. — The entire world was still abuzz this morning following the results of the U.S. presidential election, as President-Elect Donald Trump defeated Kamala Harris, Hollywood, the news media, the Deep State, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, universities across the country, the Department of Justice, political experts, science, the medical community, and all of Diddy’s […]
U.S. — With the final votes coming in from the post office out in Calhoun County, the Babylon Bee Decision Desk announced it is now ready to call Alabama for former President Donald Trump.
PALM BEACH, FL — The day after scoring a sweeping win to retake the White House, President-Elect Donald Trump stunned the American people and proved true what so many had tried to warn about by sporting a new mustache for his victory speech.
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of their crushing defeat in the 2024 presidential election, Democrats have begun to call for abolishing the popular vote.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT