News From David Cole, Page 3

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  • The Week That Perished: Cotton Pickin’ Good!

    David Cole - Sep 29th 2024 3:24pm EDT

    In this week’s Week: Walt Whiteman’s poetry is not the best, Welshman wails with knife in chest. Biden says, “glad you didn’t listen to me,” Hassan Nasrallah is R.I.P., And Newsom says, “fuck your grocery.” The Week That Perished * DAVE RANT! I haven’t posted anything in a week, which means not one single unsub. […]

  • MAGA Does a Hitler!

    David Cole - Sep 24th 2024 12:00pm EDT

    Trump’s been called “Hitler” for, what, nine years now? And always unfairly. Even with the dude’s many (many) faults, he’s not Hitler. And in my nine years of covering Trump in this column, I’ve always been quick to slam the Hitler analogies. Well, congratulations, J.D. Vance, for finally giving me a Hitler analogy I can […]

  • Why Casting Directors Are Paid…and Why I Should’ve Stayed

    David Cole - Sep 20th 2024 2:42pm EDT

    Jesus I can’t wait to drink again. This is not one of my better sober periods. I’ve been sober since August 11, and my original plan was to make it to Thanksgiving, but I can’t see that happening. I think October 11 will be my limit. Two months…hopefully enough liver regeneration to see me through […]

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  • This Week’s Column: Twerking Twerp Is Holocaust Derp

    David Cole - Sep 17th 2024 2:09pm EDT

    As you know, I enjoy providing “extras” to my subscribers to accompany each Takimag column. But before you read the extras, read the column! Here it is, about a dumbass who managed to distort Holocaust history AND cock up GOP politics with the dexterity of a chimp trying to juggle. “Gimme Yo Cats, Bitch!” This […]

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  • “Gimme Yo Cats, Bitch!”

    David Cole - Sep 17th 2024 2:17am EDT

    If occasionally my columns seem to wander, it’s because sometimes the story itself wanders. A columnist can write by-the-numbers drivel (see Townhall), or he can take you on a journey, like a delicate water lily swept along by a river lazy yet purposeful. Damn, I’m getting faggoty in my old age. But yeah, sometimes the […]

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  • The Week That Perished: Reigning Cats and Dogs!

    David Cole - Sep 15th 2024 6:08pm EDT

    This week: “We traced the cat-eater: she’s inside the house!” The arsonist hounds were quiet as a mouse. Redneck rapists make Ned Beatty limp, GOP Latina makes white staffer her gimp, And a snake Holocausts his herping Hebe simp. The Week That Perished As always, feel free to “tip” via BUY ME A BEER! Leave […]

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  • This Week’s Column: Tucker & Dave & the Holocaust

    David Cole - Sep 9th 2024 10:39pm EDT

    This week’s column posted earlier than usual, so I figured why not send it out tonight instead of tomorrow? Because this one sorta came from deep within ol’ Dave. Not that I ever just blithely toss off a column; I love you guys too much for that (BUY ME A BEER). But some columns just […]

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  • Humane Holocaust? Tucker’s All In!

    David Cole - Sep 9th 2024 9:13pm EDT

    I know Tucker Carlson reads me and I know he’s aware of my Holocaust work. Last week Tuck interviewed someone I knew nothing about, a rabbit-looking dweeb named Darryl Cooper. Apparently he’s some blogger who, in between digging burrows, opines on “dangerous” topics. “There’s the deadly blogger!” “What, behind the rabbit?” “It is the rabbit.” […]

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  • This Week’s Column: GOP Goes Limp on Crime

    David Cole - Sep 3rd 2024 6:20pm EDT

    I promise I won’t make a habit of sending two posts in two days (honestly, restrain that UNTHUBTHCRIBE instinct; just press delete instead, Cletus), but I think this week’s column is rather important, as the crime issue is such a vital one, and Republicans are blowing it. At the moment, here in L.A. the news […]

  • White Saviors Go Judas Over Jews

    David Cole - Sep 3rd 2024 2:53am EDT

    Crime stories are part of the “racial America” beat, and it helps if you don’t let them get under your skin. That’s difficult with black-on-white crime, because of the blatant sadism often exhibited by the perpetrators. Making whites drink drain cleaner, making them bathe in bleach before being killed, executing store clerks as they cry […]

  • Happy Birthday to Dave

    David Cole - Sep 2nd 2024 8:07pm EDT

    Thank you to all who left b-day wishes. Don’t forget to vote in the “choose Dave’s next long-form piece” contest! One a-hole unthubthcribed today as a birthday gift: Rick Williams. I emailed him and called him a dick, and I felt better. I’m doing a subdued birthday this year, in part because 56 is not […]

  • My Next Long-Form Piece? You Decide!

    David Cole - Aug 30th 2024 3:01pm EDT

    I started writing online in 2009, when I was hired to edit and write for the site of an ex-Breitbart guy who wanted to challenge his former boss’s blog dominance. Prior to that, I’d only written for print pubs like the L.A. Times. Online was a bizarre new world to me, ‘cuz notions of column […]

  • The Golem Wore Panties

    David Cole - Aug 27th 2024 8:46am EDT

    In June, Candace Owens and Tucker Carlson separately went on odd tangents about how the U.S. shouldn’t have dropped the A-bombs during WWII. So I wrote a piece about it and figured, why not sit on it till August and run it the anniversary week of Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Genius! And then I spent all […]

  • How the Right Learned to Stop Worrying and Love 9/11

    David Cole - Aug 26th 2024 10:04pm EDT

    (As explained in this week’s Takimag column – posting tonight – I wrote this in June when Tucker and Candy were obsessing over Hiroshima and Nagasaki for whatever bizarre reason, and I was planning to run it the first week of August to coincide with the bombing anniversaries, but I drank heavily all July and […]

  • This Week’s Column: Too Close to Home

    David Cole - Aug 21st 2024 2:04pm EDT

    Attack of the Tards As some of you may have noticed, this Substack’s been getting trolled by a bunch of Holocaust deniers. It’s no mystery why – a denier site linked to last week’s long-form Holocaust essay, and in fact the guy who runs that site asked permission, which I granted, because I considered it […]

  • Jew Better Get Used to It

    David Cole - Aug 19th 2024 11:36pm EDT

    What can we get used to? That’s a pivotal question for people, and communities. How much reluctant acclimatization is possible? To what extent can we learn to live with things we find abhorrent? I like to think I know what I can’t get used to. In 55 years (56 on Sept. 2—buy me a birthday […]

  • The David Cole Holocaust Chronology

    David Cole - Aug 16th 2024 3:04pm EDT

    I know, I know…you unsub when I write about the trivial (“I didn’t sign up to hear about your GOUT!”) and you unsub when I write about the weighty (“TLDR! TLDR!”). Knowing I can’t win, this one’s for me and me alone. If you happen to enjoy it too, excellent. If you unsub, good riddance. […]

  • Weird and Wacky

    David Cole - Aug 13th 2024 12:00am EDT

    I would be a Republican if they would. Which means that I like the Barry Goldwater Republican Party, even the Reagan Republican Party. I want a mean old man to watch my money. I don’t want a Republican to be funny. I don’t want him to be charming. That’s Bill Maher from 1999. Maher’s point […]

  • The Week That Perished – When Chimps Attack

    David Cole - Aug 11th 2024 5:09pm EDT

    This week: Violent chimps play humans for chumps, Tranny athletes have protruding bumps, Cops arrest a pilot with soul, Palestinians get an unwanted hole, Laqueda wants free chicken; does not reach her goal. https://www.takimag.com/article/the-week-that-perished-306/ Hey, even if you’ve already read it, click again! Costs nothing and helps ol’ Dave. And as always, if you get […]

  • Proof of Life

    David Cole - Aug 9th 2024 1:33pm EDT

    Sorry for the long silence. I’ve read your comments and I truly appreciate that some of you have grown concerned after not hearing from me here. You – my core readers – are the best folks on earth, and I love you. Always know that I’m alive as long as my regular column and The […]

  • The Gentile/Jew Death-Tango

    David Cole - Aug 6th 2024 12:48am EDT

    Jacque Fresco is a man who requires no introduction. Wait…hold on…I screwed that up. Lemme start again. Jacque Fresco is a man who requires a lengthy fucking introduction. Because nobody knows who he is. And that’s the point. Fresco lived to be 101, and in that century-plus-one of life, he managed to accomplish nothing. Which […]

  • National Divorce? More Like Reality Divorce

    David Cole - Jul 30th 2024 12:00am EDT

    My regular readers know that sometimes I’ll take a roundabout route to get to my point. Dave’s Regular Readers: “Sometimes? You pull that shit every week.” Sorry, imaginary regular readers. You want me to be brief? Maybe you should’ve fought harder to keep me on Twitter like you do for Nazis like Lucas Gage. Because […]

  • In Case You Missed It…

    David Cole - Jul 25th 2024 5:18pm EDT

    I haven’t posted here in a week because I’m not kidding about that “spending the summer drunk off my ass” thing. Hell, I’m not even gonna proofread this post, because it’s 7am and I’m already plastered, but I’m sure that won’t lead to any embrassing erorrs. When I’m drunk I get ornery, and I have […]

  • Where’sTheBlood???

    David Cole - Jul 23rd 2024 12:00am EDT

    Ah, the best-laid plans of mice and untermenschen. This Jew is no happy concentration camper, as the Trump assassination attempt wrecked my summer of sleep. See, I hate summer. The weather, the bugs, the AC bills. So in June I hatched a plan: I’d go off the wagon, drink from July 1 through September, and […]

  • Gun Grabbers, Gun Gropers

    David Cole - Jul 16th 2024 2:46am EDT

    My columns are written four days before you read them. I’m not an “on the spot” reporter; I don’t do breaking news. If the Hindenburg were on fire, I wouldn’t be the whiny faggot screaming, “Oh, the humanity!” I’d be the bespectacled dumbass submitting a long-form essay “Transatlantic Zeppelins: Impeccable Record, Sound Investment.” My point […]