News From David Cole, Page 4

I’m Sick of the 6th (Why Aren’t You?)

Here’s a brainteaser: Was Samuel Byck a would-be assassin? To refresh your memory, here’s his story: Sam Byck was a miserable failure. Born to a Philadelphia Jewish family, Byck was the child they didn’t brag about. A failure at business, a failure at marriage, a failure at life in general. In 1974, after being rejected […]

A Smear of Cole, a Schmear of Truth

As a schoolkid, Media Matters scribe Eric Hananoki was the Asian student in no danger of throwing off the curve. With a face that screams “Godzilla is attacking the city; we must run!” Hananoki-san has the cushiest job ever: He watches TV for material to cancel rightists. And last week Hananoki thought he had the […]

Little Miss Information

Dear Biden administration: Please treat us like China. In 2020 I contacted Michael Posner (Obama’s Assistant Secretary of State for Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor) with a simple question: Ten years on, do you have any proof that your China strategy worked? See, back in 2010, Posner hatched a plan to make the Chinese “come […]

The Trumpbart Primary

I was gonna open this column with “One of the questions I’m frequently asked about the Holocaust,” but that would’ve been dishonest. I’m never asked questions about the Holocaust. Oh, I hear from Holocaust deniers. Lots of ’em. But they never ask questions; they just issue idiotic declarations disguised as questions. “Isn’t it terrible how […]

The Night Baby Put Herself in a Corner

In recent months I’ve written several pieces that mention my Friends of Abe years. It’s pure coincidence; stories in the news that piqued my interest just happened to contain angles that relate to my time with the “secret” org of Hollywood conservatives. I’m not trying to be self-indulgent; honest, I ain’t. But if you wanna […]

Rightists Drown in Steve Bannon’s Flood

Actor Michael Landon, born Oygenglayben Schmuelowitz (memo to self: Confirm that before press time), was the handsome star of Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie (I just lost every millennial reader). Landon’s mother was severely schizophrenic, and his father was emotionally ill-equipped to handle it. Landon’s childhood was marred by traumatizing incidents. One in […]

“I’d Like to Thank the Blackademy”

]It’s Oscar season! Which of course means only one thing: White people are evil. Of course, to be fair, that also applies to rainy season, holiday season, baseball season, football season, blueberry season, duck season, and wabbit season. In “de facto apartheid” America, it’s a given that every season somehow means whites are bad. “A […]

Dinner Bell for the Right’s Last Supper

In February 2007, 24-year-old paranoid schizophrenic Holocaust denier Eric Hunt had an idea: He’d kidnap Holocaust survivor/author Elie Wiesel and make him admit that the Holocaust never happened. Hunt tracked Wiesel to a speaking gig in San Francisco. His plan was to accost the old man, force him in front of a camera, and make […]

Light Skin Atone

Well, I warned her. September 1992. I was in Munich for the only reason I ever went to Europe, the sonofabitchin’ Holocaust. My traveling companion Tina and I had just concluded two weeks in Poland, and now we were in the heart of Bavaria, where I was scheduled to give a talk. I was in […]

Hidden Hand Job

You know who probably got more tail than anyone in history? The first dude who was able to predict a solar eclipse. Think about it. “Today I shall blot the sun from the sky! If you wish to escape eternal darkness, send me all your virgins to favor me with pleasure! And a few older, […]

Special-Needs Nation

When I’m asked why I never had kids, my standard answer is, I’ve spent my life in mortal fear of being tethered to another human in a manner from which I can’t legally walk away if I choose. That’s an honest answer, but it’s not the complete one. The second part, which I always leave […]

Purge and Cleanse, No Loose Ends

It’s a tradition ’round these parts (and by “these parts” I mean my desktop, comfy chair, and rum bottle) to end December by cleaning house of interesting bits and pieces I didn’t get to use during the year. Normally, this housecleaning consists of unused back-and-forths with journalists and academics. But this year’s different: I had […]

Dave Drinks Again (and answers your questions)

Give Thanks…No Green Screen, Video’s Under Two Hours, and I’m Wearing a Shirt!

BOO! I’m Back for Halloween!

Oh, What a Tangled Weave We Weld

Autumn 1986 I attended an exhibit at the California Institute of the Arts. I wasn’t there for the “art”; CalArts exhibits were (and are) for the pretentious hipster crowd, not for guys like me who love mocking the pretentious hipster crowd. But a former high school friend invited me, and I kinda fancied one of […]

Hidden Hand Job

You know who probably got more tail than anyone in history? The first dude who was able to predict a solar eclipse. Think about it. “Today I shall blot the sun from the sky! If you wish to escape eternal darkness, send me all your virgins to favor me with pleasure! And a few older, […]

Special-Needs Nation

When I’m asked why I never had kids, my standard answer is, I’ve spent my life in mortal fear of being tethered to another human in a manner from which I can’t legally walk away if I choose. That’s an honest answer, but it’s not the complete one. The second part, which I always leave […]

Purge and Cleanse, No Loose Ends

It’s a tradition ’round these parts (and by “these parts” I mean my desktop, comfy chair, and rum bottle) to end December by cleaning house of interesting bits and pieces I didn’t get to use during the year. Normally, this housecleaning consists of unused back-and-forths with journalists and academics. But this year’s different: I had […]

I Woked With a Zombie

My Christmas gift to myself this year is a column about zombie movies. I’ve been wanting to do this one since October, when it was announced that Night of the Living Dead is getting a woke remake by something named Nikyatu Jusu, which I thought was a martial art but turns out it’s a scowling […]

MERRY CHRISTMAS from Dave!!!!

Treading Water With Bimbos and Bilkers

This week, I present the parable of the bimbo Kansan. Bambi Bimbo leaves her Midwestern homestead to come to Hollywood. With her tight ass, toned tummy, pert breasts, and button nose, all her life she’s been told by her kin in Kickenschitt, Kansas, that she’s destined to be up thar on that silver screen. She […]

Overton Window to the Soul

One of the frustrations of writing a weekly column is that sometimes you wrap a piece, post it, and that very day the Special Olympians of public discourse provide fodder you wish you’d been able to include. I’d just finished writing about the lunacy of rightists who see in Kanye West a leader, a prophet, […]

Right Wacks Off, Goes Blind

I don’t live by a lot of rules (“socks first, then shoes” is one I find helpful. You’re welcome). But here’s a rule I appreciate more as I get older: Stupid and crazy are traits best avoided. I can hear you saying, “Dave, that seems obvious.” But you’re wrong, oh imaginary reader. In politics, there’s […]

Dave Drinks Again (and answers your questions)