U.S. — In the tumultuous wake of Elon Musk taking over Twitter, many Leftists on the platform are reporting a disturbing rise in the number of people they hate being allowed to use speech.
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — A local father has run into a problem familiar to other dads across the country, as by the time he had finished installing a new car seat for his young child, the child had already outgrown it.
BRAZIL — Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of progressive Christian missionaries is hard at work spreading the good news of alternative lifestyles to unreached native tribes. The missionaries hope their efforts will bear fruit as they introduce some gay stuff to previously untouched civilizations.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Defense is taking unprecedented steps to secure the Pentagon after a massive intel leak put lives in danger around the world. According to sources, officials are hoping they’ve seen the last of damaging security breaches thanks to their brand-new Ring doorbell.
U.S. — With controversy swirling around Disney’s The Little Mermaid reboot and plans to rework the song “Kiss The Girl” to include lyrics about consent, Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle released a statement applauding the changes.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Former NCAA swimming champion and current women’s rights activist Riley Gaines has been arrested and charged with forcing trans activists to physically assault her after giving a speech regarding protecting women’s sports at San Francisco State University.
ROOSEVELT, UT — After years of frustration at her husband’s inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, “Welcome to my podcast.”
Trump, as we all know, is an existential threat to democracy itself! If we don’t destroy him, the unparalleled peace and prosperity Biden brought to America will be over for good! Oh no!
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Amid the controversy surrounding the attack on women’s rights activist and NCAA swimming champion Riley Gaines, a new report indicated a burly male trans activist shouted “I’m a victim!” as he punched a woman squarely in the face.
U.S. — An unprecedented leak of top-secret U.S. intelligence on the war in Ukraine, military assets, and vital diversity training materials has been traced to its shocking source: an email chain in which President Biden clicked “reply all.”
U.S. — Prominent figures in the trans movement are now using their voice to tell the whole world that despite being featured on countless billboards, magazines, and movies and being praised by every celebrity, multi-billion-dollar corporation, and millions of leftists, they are actually marginalized.
SPRINGDALE, AR — A local man planned to spend the next several hours searching online for a new cordless drill after his neighbor texted him to ask if he could come over and borrow his current drill, which he would likely keep for the next nine years.
U.S. — In the days after disturbing footage surfaced of the Dalai Lama engaging in grossly inappropriate conduct with a child, the Buddhist leader has been inundated with requests from public libraries across the U.S., Canada, and Europe to read to kids in special “Dalai Lama Story Hours.”
ATLANTA, GA — As the Glennon family walked into church for Easter service today, they were caught off guard by how different the church looked without Christmas decorations.
HEAVEN — Sources from the Almighty have confirmed that like everything else for the Orthodox, the rapture will also take place one week after the regular rapture.
U.S. — As conservatives across the nation vowed to no longer drink Budweiser products, people who possess functional taste buds have promised to continue their decades-long boycott of Bud Light as well.
U.S. — With inflation remaining stubbornly persistent, the Easter Bunny has been forced to hide ramen noodle packages around people’s yards in lieu of his usual eggs.
ST LOUIS, MO — Finding themselves in hot water with Christians and conservatives this week, Anheuser-Busch has extended an olive branch to the Christian community with its new John MacArthur edition of Bud Light.
WALTHAM, MA — Transgender visibility took yet another step forward today as Raytheon unveiled its new Patriot missile endorsed by transgender TikTok personality Dylan Mulvaney. President Biden immediately celebrated this new line of missiles, hailing it as a leap forward in lethal diversity.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A group of young children participating in an Easter Egg hunt at the White House found themselves at the center of unexpected controversy after they discovered more of President Joe Biden’s classified documents hidden inside some of the colorful Easter eggs. Parents alerted the FBI, who then arrived on the scene to […]
HUNTSVILLE, AL — A local man left no room for debate among onlookers today, as his drinking Bud Light and listening to country music made it abundantly obvious to everyone who saw him that he was, in fact, gay. Though he was apparently unaware of it himself, he was assured by people nearby that it […]
What did you do to earn God’s mercy? That’s right — NOTHING! Nada, zero, zilch. The Babylon Bee theologians have compiled a complete list of all zero of the things you did to merit the forgiveness of your sins.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT