U.S. — Developers at Truth Social are working overtime to identify and fix the bug that continues making every single post by former President Trump appear in all caps.
SANTA MONICA, CA — Frustrated gamers across the world had yet to finish even downloading the latest Call Of Duty installment when yet another game, Call of Duty: WWII Black Ops Modern Warfare 17, was released.
BALTIMORE, MD — Local wife Leslie Parks bid her family a tearful goodbye after noticing a small dot on her shoulder that would undoubtedly prove to be terminal skin cancer.
TALLAHASSEE, FL — Liberal activist Sharon Welch declared today that she was “literally living in Nazi Germany” after parents removed pornographic material from an elementary school library.
ISRAEL — Newly uncovered evidence shows that the walls of Jericho crumbled to the ground right after Joshua finished playing an absolutely boss saxophone solo.
LOS ANGELES, CA — As the legal drama surrounding former President Donald Trump’s alleged inappropriate payments of “hush money” to adult film star Stormy Daniels years ago continues, the son of current President Joe Biden has been left frustrated after hearing about the concept of “hush money” long after it would have been useful to […]
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — A local man’s heart was finally apprehended by the Almighty God today, as he humbled himself and turned to the Lord in prayer while sitting in his seat on an airplane and seeing an obese man with his stomach hanging out from his shirt making his way down the aisle.
MOSCOW — America has long been an example to the world but has finally caught Russia’s attention with its system of prosecuting political opponents. According to reports, President Vladimir Putin is actively considering restructuring Russia’s Ministry of Justice to follow suit.
According to reports, hundreds of thousands of people have fled California in recent years, citing minor annoyances like aggressive homeless people, increased violent crime, and crippling taxes. Some experts believe that by 2030, the only person left in California will be Gavin Newsom – and he’ll spend half his time on his ranch in Montana.
DALLAS, TX — Passengers boarding American Airlines flight 467 from Dallas to Chicago were welcomed by pilot Walter Kerry, who quickly assured them that he was not a diversity hire.
PALM BEACH, FL — As rumors continue to filter in that Manhattan D.A. Alvin Bragg’s attempt to indict former President Donald Trump is falling apart, a new report has indicated Trump’s team of attorneys is seeking to exploit a little-known legal loophole through which he can avoid indictment by not actually committing any crime.
U.S. — Representatives from the trans community across the nation are reporting record levels of feeling “extremely unsafe” due to the knowledge that somewhere out there, a hockey player might not wearing a pride jersey.
DENVER, CO — According to sources, local Gen Z girl Katniss Smith spent over 2 hours today painstakingly eliminating all capital letters and punctuation from various texts and social media posts to make it appear like she wasn’t trying too hard.
PALM BEACH, FL — Amid increasing criticism that “Ron DeSanctimonious” is a terrible nickname for Florida governor and possible Presidential rival Ron DeSantis, former President Donald Trump has taken to ChatGPT to help him with brainstorming for better DeSantis nicknames.
WASHINGTON, DC — As TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew faced questioning from the House Committee on Energy and Commerce on Capitol Hill, leaders from the United States government issued strong demands that TikTok stop spying on American citizens because that’s the government’s job.
The news world has been set aflame by the potential indictment of Donald J. Trump for the crime of extreme patriotism. While the New York City grand jury deliberates, let’s take a look at how this is being covered by the media.
NEW YORK, NY — District Attorney Alvin Bragg is reportedly set to indict Trump this coming Tuesday for the removal of a mattress tag back in 1997. According to sources, new evidence was discovered in the mattress tag cold case by grizzled Detective Harry Jakes, who utilized modern advances in forensic science to place former […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — While testifying on Capitol Hill, TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew repeatedly warned members of Congress that any decision to ban the app would allow children to grow up to become functional, happy adults.
NEW YORK, NY — The indictment of Trump by Alvin Bragg is in disarray this morning after the Manhattan DA was unable to find enough grand jurists awesome enough to be legally considered Trump’s peers.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a recent all-night HBO binge session, Dr. Anthony Fauci reportedly called up his friends at the Wuhan Institute to see if they could make him a batch of that gnarly zombie fungus from the series The Last of Us.
U.S. — In a stunning development resulting from the faltering of the United States banking system, banks have now begun calling their customers and asking for loans. According to reports, thousands of desperate bankers have called up lendees to ask for a few bucks.
Florida Governor and presumptive 2024 Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has faced increasing questions about his electability amid damning allegations that during a private flight in 2019, he found himself without a spoon still proceeded to consume a pudding cup with 3 fingers. Horrifying!
NEW YORK, NY — The reign of cable news giant Fox News may have come to an end after top brass made a possibly-disastrous hiring decision, causing ratings for the nation’s most popular news channel to plummet with the hiring of a non-blonde anchor with no cleavage.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A local teacher was forced to schedule a conference with a student’s parents to express growing concern that their young son Johnny is not transitioning up to his full potential.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT