DAVOS — World Economic Forum President Børge Brende personally invited John the Baptist to speak at their annual meeting Tuesday after uncovering his propensity for eating disgusting bugs and owning nothing while being happy. The unkempt prophet, who arrived dressed in camel’s hair, was the key speaker in a discussion about the benefits of eating […]
U.S. — In a leaked episode from the new season of The Mandolorian, it remains unclear whether Grogu collapsed from using too much of his force powers or if he just has myocarditis.
DAVOS — Elites have gathered at the World Economic Forum to discuss the latest ways to fix all the world’s problems while also making themselves extremely rich at the expense of the poor. In the keynote speech, Klaus Schwab announced that this year’s topic of discussion would be how to make eggs dramatically more expensive.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Following the courageous example of USC, which just banned the word “field” for its racist connotations, Harvard University has announced they will no longer allow students or faculty to use the word “Harvard” due to its own tragic history of racism.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the deadline fast approaching to increase the amount of money that can be legally stolen from the American people, Congress is being urged to come together and raise the nation’s theft ceiling without conditions.
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS — In honor of Dr. King and Coretta Scott King, artist Hank Thomas has unveiled a 20ft statue of the two hugging called the ‘The Embrace’. Unfortunately, the artist was only able to afford to make a statue of their arms embracing and now a GoFundMe has been put together to raise money […]
AUBURN, NY — Following the new tradition of erecting disturbing modern-art monuments for prominent historical figures, the city of Auburn has unveiled a bronze statue of abolitionist and Underground Railroad leader Harriet Tubman’s left big toe.
Investigators found classified documents in President Biden’s garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
ONTARIO, CA — Local woman Karen Bain saved millions of lives this week when she put on a mask for her morning walk. She reportedly took a brief walk down the street and was careful to avoid direct contact with people, grateful for the mask that was saving both her life and the lives of […]
D.C. — Pete Buttigieg has addressed criticism surrounding his lackluster performance as Secretary of Transportation by reminding everyone that he’s really, really gay.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As investigators continue to find more and more classified documents in various Biden residences, the President attempted to divert attention from the scandal this morning by appearing in wearing a tan suit.
U.S. — Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
WASHINGTON, DC — The mood around the nation’s capital was somber today after congressional leaders made the declaration that any member who refuses to bow down before the bust of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky would be thrown into a fiery furnace.
SAN ANTONIO, TX — Christian radio station K-LOVE has parted ways with the Apostle Paul over his continued struggles to maintain the station’s positive and encouraging on-air vibe.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help “flatten the curve”.
U.S. — After urging from environmental activists, the World Economic Forum, and Bill Nye the Science Guy, Arby’s has changed its slogan to “We Have The Bugs.”
AUSTIN, TX — Parents were called after an incident at Rosa Parks MLK Harvey Milk Elementary today in which several bullies stuffed 3rd-grader Lance Biggens into a locker after the student refused to give them his pronouns.
SANTA BARBARA, CA — Meghan Markle, beloved American princess and thespian, announced Friday that her husband Prince Harry would soon begin a lengthy and painful transition into Princess Harriet, a decision he made of his own free will without any coercion whatsoever.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House is on edge this morning after investigators revealed a fourth stash of classified documents from Biden’s tenure as Vice President was found deep in his colon.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an inspiring show of solidarity with abortionists and other eugenicists, the Democratic Women’s Caucus showed up to the Capitol this week wearing stylish butcher coats.
ENOCH, UT — Associate Pastor Elijah Stormbringer was assumed bodily into heaven during the Sunday service after a perfect delivery of the morning announcements. Stormbringer, who’d been serving at New Wine Fellowship for three years, was unable to give his two weeks notice before ascending on high with the shout of a trumpet. Powered by […]
We all know that gas stoves are murderous devils, but they aren’t the only household appliances the government should ban for our own safety! Here are seven other appliances that are problematic:
WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Aviation Administration has shut down flights after Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg fell asleep on the department’s “SHUT DOWN ALL AIR TRAVEL” Button once again. Buttigieg fell asleep on the Button on Tuesday morning, grinding domestic air travel to a halt.
- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT