WORLD — Recent reports indicated that Jesus died for sinners all over the planet, including this gentleman who was currently demolishing a Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Burrito, alone in the driver’s seat of his 2003 Honda Civic.
WORLD — Recent reports indicated that Jesus died for sinners all over the planet, including this gentleman who was currently demolishing a Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Burrito, alone in the driver’s seat of his 2003 Honda Civic.
LONDON — In the wake of recent geopolitical developments, a team of esteemed biblical scholars said they now believe that the seventh seal in the book of Revelation was likely to be the release of the Epstein list.
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BATAVIA, IL — According to sources, local man Carson Fitzgerald is showing the world what true integrity looks like by saying unbelievably stupid things on the internet even though no one is paying him to do so.
GREENVILLE, DE — In a rare public appearance after leaving office in January, former President Joe Biden stated that he absolutely would have approved all of his presidential pardons if he had known about them.
GREENVILLE, DE — In a rare public appearance after leaving office in January, former President Joe Biden stated that he absolutely would have approved all of his presidential pardons if he had known about them.
GREENVILLE, DE — In a rare public appearance after leaving office in January, former President Joe Biden stated that he absolutely would have approved all of his presidential pardons if he had known about them.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After vowing during his campaign to release the Epstein files, President Trump berated supporters as “stupid” and “foolish” for thinking there are Epstein files.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After vowing during his campaign to release the Epstein files, President Trump berated supporters as “stupid” and “foolish” for thinking there are Epstein files.
RALEIGH, NC — Dr. Will Higgs calmly reassured a nervous young Jessica Thompson today that the procedure he’d be performing on her would make him gobs of cash.
U.S. — The winds of change in America were met with a new obstacle today, as self-professed members of the “Resistance” were upset to hear that the federal government was getting smaller.
NEW YORK, NY — In news that sent the social media conspiracy theorist sphere into a frenzy, experts reported that the metadata from the security camera video released by the Department of Justice showed that the footage outside Jeffrey Epstein’s prison cell had been edited using Mario Paint.
EL SEGUNDO, CA — In a renewed effort to make inroads with conservative families in the wake of concerns over previous “woke” products, toy manufacturer Mattel announced a new ICE Agent Ken doll.
DENVER, CO — Logistical challenges quickly presented themselves at a local gathering of alternative lifestyle enthusiasts, as a long line for the bathroom developed because there was only one fire hydrant outside the furry convention.
SACRAMENTO, CA — An inspiring story emerged amid the ongoing immigration controversy, as Governor Gavin Newsom founded an Underground Railroad to help Mexican kids travel to work on California’s marijuana farms.
ANAHEIM, CA — A moment of awkwardness arose over the weekend, as Disneyland staff had to politely inform JD Vance that the park was closing and he would have to get off Ariel’s Undersea Adventure now.
WASHINTON, D.C. — Former President Joe Biden’s teleprompter cleared up some recent controversy in a statement it released Monday, stating it personally approved of all the autopen pardons during the Biden presidency.”I personally and single-handedly approved every pardon signed by the autopen machine,” The teleprompter said in yellow lettering across its screen. “As the acting […]
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — To avoid further controversy over her unorthodox lines of questioning and uninformed opinions on Supreme Court cases, Chief Justice John Roberts reportedly gave Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson a Magnadoodle to keep her busy during oral arguments.
SZCZECIN — A Europe that was already on the brink of war seemed poised to boil over into chaos on Monday, as news broke that Elmo had led a division of Panzer tanks across the Polish border.
SACRAMENTO, CA — A piece of the Golden State’s heritage was lost today, as the iconic grizzly bear that had adorned the California state flag announced that he had officially moved to Texas.
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- Aug 9th 2025 5:17pm EDT